Tried Devastate, but that didn’t work. It does work on moving NPCs in town when you have Fame, though, so that’s fun.
So, after we got back to Skyhall from Callahan’s vacation, we told Allanon and Liara about the wonderful trip, and they were so jealous, Allanon was moved to tears and Liara ran off to go scream about how nice the sea is!
Or maybe it was because I parked my skyship illegally. (It’s not mine, I don’t know how I got it. I just rent a new one every time I need one.)
Anyways, it was clearly time to take the whole family on another vacation! The King said he was busy with the whole kingdom thing, the Queen said she was busy with the whole instructing - I mean advising about the whole kingdom thing, and I couldn’t find the other Prince. Princess Esmeralda said she wanted to be a Quartermaster, but that’s a big commitment. She has all the qualifications, what with having a name that starts with E, but I’ll need a few story quests to think about it. Anyways…
Down we go! First, I introduced them to what we sea monkeys call “lava”. If you mix lava and water, you get stone, and that’s why we don’t have to worry about resource scarcity like Skyhall does!
Allanon said he’d get me back for that
SICK BURN about how much better we are than Skyhall, but we’ll see! (I doubt he could top dealing 1012 damage in one hit.)
We ran into some trouble when some Assassins showed up to attack my luxury cruise boat. I guess that’s another thing Skyhall doesn’t have that the sea has - assassins!
Welcome to Sameria! (Or Sandfall Isle.) This is what you’ll be sending your entire military force to help defend, so I had to make sure you saw it for yourself! And this is a
cactus. As I just helped you see, if you touch it, it hurts you! Go ahead Callahan, have Liara give it a try!
There’s rumors of there being something called cactice, but that’d require traveling a bit too far to the west for this vacation.
This is a
pond! It’s like a sea, but it’s on an island, and it’s where water collects without using fancy grate-towers. And look, sometimes there’s
fish! Those are like birds, but they fly in the water. We fish for them and add them to our fish collections and if you get all the fish you become the Master Angler! Or was it Ocean’s Archivist? I’ve heard of people fishing for birds in another land, so maybe you can be the Sky’s Archivist! Oh, right, busy with the whole “running Skyhall” thing in the future. Hey, as long as you don’t run it into the ground!
Look, we have so much food we stack it up like bowling balls! And they sparkle because they are so high quality! (No, Callahan, we already went to a pond, we’re not going back. Just get an extra long fishing rod while you’re here. See, that’s how you do tourism, upsell the gift shop!)
The coconut was so delicious, it brought tears to his eyes!
Check it out, this is a cooking pot! You can
cook food here, and it becomes tastier, or sometimes less tasty! You can make some decent meals! Oh, you have one at Skyhall? Oh,
had, it got stolen and taken to the Nimbus Wilds. Hey, Allanon, why don’t you head there and see if you can go get it later?
This is a
deckhand! You see, our boats are so big and important that we recruit unpaid bums to make them move faster and to wear funny hats to decorate our boats. What? No, his name’s not Liara, it’s Lawrence the Bright.
This is a
gunpowder barrel! It explodes! People put it on their ships and the ships explode! Honestly, if you’re letting your ship explode, it’s a skill issue, just put less gunpowder barrels on board. Wait, why are you crying? It’s okay, it’s just a ship, it’s not like you lost a treasure chart or anything.
This is a
throne! Important people sit on these things and tell mercenaries what islands to visit next. What? No, Liara isn’t important enough to sit on a throne. Don’t worry, you’ll be doing enough throne-sitting for the both of you in the future, I am sure!
Here, we have the greatest secret of Sameria - the
Storage Room! Nobody ever goes here. This is where they keep all their treasure chests!
Here, we have the greatest throne-sitter of Sameria - the
Leader of Sameria! No, we’re not here for your war or whatever, Allanon is here on vacation! Would you like to share some words of wisdom, Nilah?
Yes, very inspirational, very lucky words! I am sure those words will be appreciated for as long as we live.
Here’s a bridge! It’s not a greatbridge, but it’s a good bridge! I’ve even composed a short poem about bridges! (Callahan, write this down on a note, but you better put my name on it, or I swear I’ll)
bridge, o bridge
all the more praise the bridge!
Here, we have bankers, who hold your money, and thieves, who hold your money. Isn’t life down here above the sea grand?
Check it out, here’s where we build big boats. We tried to make a flying boat one time, we were inspired by visions of flying whales, so we got a bunch of gunpowder barrels and put it on our boat, but it didn’t fly so good. Maybe it’d work for your big boat though!
Here, we have absolutely nothing of interest. Moving on!
Oh, this is a criminal! He has glass, which causes
bleeding! Bleeding is bad, so you should try to avoid it. I know, I know, you don’t have glass in Skyhall, but there was one time that there was some flying glass, and that was a bad time. Don’t worry, bleeding wears off! You know, just don’t run out of health.
Oh, this is an anti-criminal! He has no hair, because the guards here are poor. They don’t even have
pauldrons, how are they going to defend against the boars? What do you mean, maybe they have pauldrons equipped but hid them? That wouldn’t work! That’s just silly.
This is a
faction leader! Faction leaders lead factions, and factions are cool clubs you can join to get cool things like capes and shirts and recognition for killing people. Do you have any factions in Skyhall? The Forsaken? Never seen them before, maybe they’re in a more eastern part of the kingdom?
Also, no, the faction leader’s name isn’t Liara, it’s Helewyse. Come on man, try and keep up.
Here we have an
elevator. Down in the sea, we don’t climb up walls, we have contraptions to do our climbing for us! Yes, Liara, please hold on, this thing has no railings, so you have to be careful or you’ll fall a short non-damaging distance.
And here we have a bear
To be continued
