Flem and the power of "how did we get here"

Off Topic
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So, hello there, Flem here again. This time, with more of a rambly topic for me because suprise, i still like talking, even when noone asked me to talk in the first place.

Let us start of:

AUTISMN.

Really no suprise with that diagnosis, really.
What was, for me at least, more so a suprise was the fact it took three seperate tests to get here in the first place- each was found positive only to then end up argued to be negative due to me being able to recognise sarcastic patterns and use such and due to me being able to semi accurately use facial expressions.

Which, by the way, we did indeed learn in school.

What i find personally interesting- or more so bothering- about my general mentality is empathy, for which reason i am sharing my thoughts now- as means to maybe gather further intel from people wishing to assist me with such.

Empathy is… difficult, for me.
While i do understand when others need encouraging words or are clearly in distress, i never really know how to treat them as individual- more so, i have a set “basecode” of sorts which i follow step by step to resolve the issue.

I do not know how it usually feels- for me, assisting others with their mental stress is simply a way to get things back into working order so we can continue to spend time with one another- but such is mostly due to selfishness in form of desiring to go back to the activity i want to do, not really helping because i want to help the person.

Needless to say, such fucks me over quite a bit- i have learned that acting selfishly like this is not a good thing to do, but i should also always be trying to help because i want to, as a good person should do- but i just genuennly can not do so due to not attaching more to a situation.

Any tips as to how to possibly change such or how to get a better guide of sorts would quite frankly be greatly appreciated- i do want to be a good friend to the people i enjoy being around, but at the moment i simply do not have the knowledge on how to act on such wish.

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I was about to answer this but I realised im stupid (aka social anxiety happened) so @LiterallyLoki I think you have more experience in this regard

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I can smell you :slight_smile: .

AW-TIS-EMM-ENN!!

Yeah, same here. I have autism, but I’m capable of understand social cues and other people well enough. Empathy and sarcasm, I got the entire thing down! (apparently I was horrible with social cues as a little kid, but trauma be damned, it gave me fun results!)

Okay, as someone who’s had panic attacks around others and comforted others during their own misery, let me give you an example:

I’m in a new group. This one has the partner of a friend of mine, I care about this friend, so I’m playing nice. But I don’t like new people, I dislike anyone that is a risk to me, so I put up walls. I’m dismissive of them but kind, acknowledge their presence but never talk to them. I’m the weird kid everyone hates, why bother, right?

So eventually, we become friends. She doesn’t know me, not the real me. She knows the me that has the Loki personality at hand to entertain and distract from any risk of them getting into my brain.

But it all comes to a head when we have our first sleepover. I’ve never slept over at someone’s house until that night. I’ve spent… almost nights at my ex’s, but those were nightmares. Being hurt, screamed at, genuinely tortured for someone’s enjoyment because I was there and just… easy.

And this friend, who saw someone who flinches at the slightest movement, who couldn’t understand why I never ate during lunch, why I always looked exhausted but never relaxed, showed empathy.

Because she took my hands when I was tense that night, and told me it’s okay. Told me she will never understand my trauma, never understand what I went through, but she’ll always love me.

That means something to me. Because love to me means parents fighting, blaming their kids for bad stuff. But this wasn’t romantic, this was a yearning for my other half, this was like seeing the family I’ve never known I was meant to have.

Empathy did that. She took the damaged kid, the wreck that I am, and loves me like a sibling anyway. She bandaged my cuts, she held me close and says I’m perfect the way I am.

She didn’t have to. She doesn’t care if things get distracted. She cares if I’m okay. Empathy did that.

Empathy is one of the most gorgeous things about life. It is someone reaching out to another person, regardless, and saying “I may not understand, but I want to try.” It is a song to another’s soul.

It makes someone feel… seen. It made me feel valued for the first time in a while.

Trying to force yourself to feel empathy is impossible. But it starts with this: Why did my friend comfort me? Why did she wipe away my tears and ease some of the ache in my soul, the mess that is the way I feel about myself?

Because she cared. And that is what empathy is. Caring for another.

TL;DR?

Empathy is caring for another. It’s, even if its a struggle, understanding motivations, pain, not because you have to, but because understanding the reasoning behind a smile, behind tears, behind rage can make the simplicity of how you see someone become a depth you cannot fathom.

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J o i n o u r c u l t

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I WAS IN HERE AND LEFT TWICE ALREADY PLEAAAAA-

(gets dragged in)
NOUOUOUOU

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Escape is an impossibility

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who are you sacrificing to

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PLEASE don’t take my words as advice but since loki shared i’ll share it too, I feel others’ pain, maybe a small shard of it, but it’s enough to get me to understand what they feel and act.

Weirdly enough, this… also happens if I think of anything, even a fictional character’s struggles too hard, I don’t know I’m barely versed enough in my own issues I only recently figured out what the fuck social anxiety was ;^; man i want to bawl now

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One of us one of us

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