[Short Story] Castlian Clash

Writing Advanced Writing
21

Very cool I enjoyed the story. Very much lacked waifus so you will have to add some next time.

22

Nice story, well written. There was a ton of action and death (especially exiled). Would love to read more short stories maybe about the minotaur if not already made.

23

you sound like bumf during that argument earlier today, this argument has so many issues and so much pretentiousness with it that I feel like I’m looking at rotted swiss cheese, and say rotted, because trying to taste or smell of it simply brings disgust to me.
What has gotten into you, Dragon? You used to be a respected, great person. Now you have all of the forum after you for your condescending bullshit. Hell, lemme give this a REAL critique!

24

Dam, if you gonna throw shade at least ping me.

25

Alright, I’ll first start here, since there’s issues with your argument, Dragon. Then I’ll directly critique Vik.

  1. That makes perfect sense in context, a lot of people who despise others will toss in emotional abuse when they defeat their enemy. However, there are two issues with it that I feel like Vik should learn from, and those are that such a phrase arguably conflicts with the neutrality of Tom Silver, and ending a story there feels abrupt and honestly like a poor place to drop an ending, unless it was a dramatic kill, or some other form of suspense, which later gets added onto.

  2. Self-Inserts are basically the only thing that exists outside of just 3 canon characters we don’t know much about. And even then, it’s not a self-insert if they act differently from the person who made the character. Get to know your writing/roleplaying vocabulary, it really helps in critique and proofreading. Also, just to define it, a self-insert is a character that is just you. Not a character you made, it’s you, possibly by a different name, but the exact same personality and that crap.

  3. The backstory is a common tool used in self-contained stories, that helps define a character, as there’s a good chance the reader may not have read a prior work if it’s just a one-off. Albeit, Tom Silver’s backstory is a tad unfitting for this scenario.

  4. I entirely agree with that point, actually. Exiled just got steamrolled, and the fight was very one-sided. You got that part beyond correct, and that shows that while your critique could be more friendly and, well, directed at more actual issues, you can tell some issues in a piece of art. Again, some.

26

Noted.
And I primarily used that as an example because, yes, I saw holes in your argument, and also because it was really damn confusing, like Dragon’s critique was.

27

Alright, onto some criticism I have. Just a sidenote: I am by no means 100% correct in this, and I may be entirely wrong for all I know. If anyone wants to correct me (Except for you, Dragon), please go ahead.

  1. As BNT has pointed out, The Exiled’s knowledge on Tom’s neutrality is a bit sudden, and lacks context. However, adding onto what she said, how exactly does The Exiled even know about Tom in the first place? Establishing a relation is important, unless the context holds the relation within it.

  2. This was probably one of the bigger problems I saw, Tom’s backstory just coming out of nowhere. Just listen to what BNT said on this. Backstory should be from a character’s perspective (unless a character isn’t very important, such as a random bandit/dark wizard, or it’s narration-heavy/presented as a character is introduced outside of a character’s perspective). I also think that his backstory lacked much of anything which added to the battle itself. One-off stories usually require specific, well-timed and context-fitting backstories

  3. I hate to say this, but Dragon was right about the fight being overly one-sided. Tom practically steamrolled The Exiled, and the knight was literally only able to fire off a single attack. One attack. That’s not good. Make The Exiled actually have a stand against Tom, that brings out a flourishing, detailed, intense combat sequence.

  4. The ending, with just that phrase. The “short story” part of this heavily implies that there won’t be another, connecting story to bridge this one out. Ending on a phrase like that should be used as a suspense element, and not as a simple ending, because it’s abrupt, and leaves no closure. If this was a series, that’d be an amazing way to cause a dramatic ending, making people want to read the next part of the story even more, to get the answers they desire. In a short story, however, it is dissatisfying and sudden, and ultimately breaks the flow of the story. Yes, an ending of all things can shatter pacing.

28

you should uhhhhhhhhhhh write a story about Roselight’s sentinel division leader :eyes:

1 Like
29

h

hi there

30

chief tom aint her own character im p sure

31

I wouldn’t say it’s good he tried though and yes I’m late

32

Again I’m late but dragon had really good points and the writer acknowledged this you have no idea what the word pretentious means

33

His critique the was fine tbh

34

…Can you first stop necrobumping posts with little to nothing to contribute, and second, stop trying to instigate fucking arguments. It’s not funny.

1 Like
35

If he can sustain less damage, doesn’t that mean he becomes weaker?

E: Sorry. Didn’t realize this was so many months old. @Crafti8-6 stahp

37

:joy::joy::joy:

38

I’m so mad I could stab a stuffed toy.

39

imagine using cryins emojis unrionically

1 Like
40

laughing emojis? lol nice one bro

41

I am appalled at how you genuinely thought this was an impactful “insult”