There's Only One Beer Left

(HEAVILY based on MF dooms song, one beer, on the album of MM… Food)

I wonder, just what was in that can of beer?

It was a nice day. I went to the local convenience store and bought a 6 pack box of beer.
I headed home, and was greeted by my 3 friends and roommates.

They were having a conversation while waiting for me.

“I get no thrill from champagne. So why is it that you ALWAYS bring it to our Sunday party?”, said Connor, to Bon.

“Some old dude said that I should put it on his tab. I can’t just decline free champagne!”, said Bon.

I opened the door.

“I get a kick out of brew! See, Johan always comes in clutch, haha!”, said Landon, who was on the ground face first with his shirt off. Landon was always weird.
My name is Johan, by the way.

I put the box of beer on the table. I took my box cutter and opened it up, and put the box cutter in my pocket.

I have to admit, that beer was probably the best beer I’d ever drank.

We watched movies while we drank.
Two beers left.
I opened a can.
There’s only one beer left.

“…Hey, guys. There’s only one beer left.”

“Eh? How can there be one left when it comes in packs of six? Whatever happened to two and three?”, said Connor.

“I’m not joking man, there’s only one beer left.”, said Bon, who was definitely drunk.

“Alcohol… doesn’t fill me at all…”, said Landon, who was sleeping with half of his body inside of the couch.

I decided to put the last beer into the refrigerator.

“Hey. What do you think your doing with the last beer?”, said Connor.

I swear, it was at this moment that everything went downhill.

“EVERYBODY ON THE FLOOR!”, said a random guy, kicking down the door of our room.
“This is a robbery! Gimme the beer! NOW!”, said the random guy.

I was prepared to hand it over. It’s just a can of beer! But Landon had other plans.

“Hell no!!”, yelled Landon, tossing a brick at the random guy. I don’t know where he got that brick, but he landed a direct hit.

The guy started to bleed, but he got back up, and grabbed the beer from my hand.

He ran outside and jumped onto a dragon and started to fly away. Then, Landon shrunk, grew wings, and flew towards the beer.

“Holy smokes! It’s a Friday!”, said Connor. I looked at him quizzically, as if that would be an appropriate thing to say at this moment.

“Uh… ladies and gentlemen, I am risking my lives to tell you with great concern that I must warn you, I, I… you must listen! Many among you have, have, had their minds taken over! You must drop the beer! Drop the beer, Johan! Drop the beer!”, said Bon.
He was bleeding from the nose.
I had no idea what was going on, and I still didn’t have a clue as Bon fell to the ground unconscious.

Drop the beer? I pondered, as Connor suddenly charged a blue beam of plasma energy and shot it at the random guy.
Drop the beer… but I’m not holding a beer?
Suddenly, I was pulled into the air by some force. Connor grabbed my by the shirt and was flying into space, as tons of meteors began to fall from the sky.

“Uhhm… Johan? You good?”, said Landon, who was next to me at the cashier table.
“I told you, you shouldn’t have drank from the beer before buying it. Here, let me pay for it dude.”, said Landon, taking a card out.

“Huh. I guess I can’t handle brew, huh?”

“C’mon, we gotta take this to the boys.”, answered Landon, putting his pin into the register.

I guess I can’t handle brew.


you’re not drinking anything by chance, right…?

(no, my mom would literally murder me)