dude we are not reading 15 pages of your oc man
its plasma it would be very easy to use it to act like a rocket engine
i know so i summarized it
Besides if he is against tyranny why would he join the one shot pirates
it would be literally impossible because rocket engines require combustion (and so does plasma, but thatâs magic not the actual thing so that gets a pass) which cannot happen without oxygen which doesnât exist in a vacuum because nothing exists in a vacuum
i thought plasma required ionisation, not combustion
itâs what happens when you heat a gas enough so itâd require heat at least
yea, but it doesnât need to combust, you could make a plasma without oxygen
I would if it wasnât boring and poorly written
Can arron kill chaos?
Cursebeard⌠I know youre tyranny⌠You cant beat me pookie bear⌠im super power full, and the storngest won hereâŚ
no why would u even ask that
this character doesnât really matter all he does is set up a guild which houses the real story he is not the main character.
God damn it arron no more yapping please, itâs the second time this weak
Hey there, I read the whole thing and decided to give you feedback.
Story Feedback
What was the point of providing us with the information preceding this statement in the first place if it wasnât completely true?
This âwhiteâ part of plasma magic is where it emits the most light, making it darker simply means that the light itself will be much dimmer and less visible.
Can you please elaborate on this? Why exactly would a form of plasma cause flowers to grow?
Meaning that he is approximately 1867+ years old. (only if this takes place in AO)
From what I know, arcanium is any metal that has sea-salt fixed to it. With that said, how exactly would an alloy be made from such a broad concept?
Now correct me if Iâm wrong, but I canât recall even a single mention of a magic-repelling mineral -let alone mechanism- within the lore. If youâve made it up, how do you think it would work?
And why would that be? As mentioned above, the magic-absorbing capabilities of arcanium are granted through sea-salt. Knowing this, we can assume that said salt -as all things do- has a limit as to what it can absorb, otherwise, magic would have ceased to be some time after the first appearance of this sea-salt.
By the way, why exactly was he randomly experimenting with that? If I were ordered to make swords for an army, Iâd normally avoid doing so since some would be defective and cause the death of its user.
And how exactly did he somehow win? It would be nice to, at the very least, have a barebone explanation as to how he did that. After all, not only is it anti-climatic, but it also makes it less believable due to the lack of provided information.
Why exactly is something akin to a sea curse being created out of nowhere after a god was slain, specifically, Ares? This is straight-up just a plothole at this point, unless your OC lives in a universe that isnât AOâs of course (but then, would it even be an OC?).
And why was it somehow familiar? Did he see something like it somewhere and then forgot about it?
Why represent Ares, the Greek god of war and violence, with a flower from east-Asia that represents the beginning of autumn, mourning, parting, and beauty?
How exactly is it a cruel twist of fate? Did it cause him pain to not die?
Now, I may be biased, but I donât think that assimilating a foreign power -immensely superior to yours- into your body would instantly regenerate it.
I donât think you can really call it an OC when you use existing information of a canon character and attach it to yours, just call it an alternate story at this point.
General Feedback
Anyways, it feels like youâve strayed far from the lore of the setting due to a large amount of additions and modifications youâve provided to the story. For now, I suggest you go and read the lore document that you can find [here] and read all in-game notes and journals so that you can deepen your understanding of the world.
You should also work on your storytelling and punctuation (though of course, I shouldnât be one to say that as I need to as well). At the moment, it is really uncomfortable to read due to the lack of commas, and your characterâs background only feels like a sob story with miracles and nonsense happening in repetition, causing it to be unbelievable (as Iâve already once pointed out).
Thank you for taking your time to read this.
you seem to have skipped the part about summarizing a larger piece like everyone else
In addition I am not new to OC writing this one oc has over 30 chapters on the wiki i just felt like posting it here for fun so I didnât put much effort into it and after all the hate I do not plan on posting the rest.
Pointing out things is not hate
Thatâs fair enough, but as a summary, it still fails to engage the reader into looking forward to the entire work.
Imo, it seems to me like youâre using this as an excuse, just like how roblox developers do so by adding â[ALPHA/BETA/EARLY ACCESS]â to their gameâs title.
I donât remember calling you that, but again, thatâs only an excuse of yours. Having spent a lot of time doing something doesnât make you good at it, what does is the curiosity required in order to find means and methods to be.
Which I can wholly understand. It is disappointing to see people criticise your work, especially in offensive and inconstructive manners, which is why Iâve tried to be as helpful as I could be. Iâm sorry if it didnât come out positively.
I will now answer all your questions
its called humor???
yes im aware it is meant to be darker thats whay i said the word darker.
its a visual phenomenon they are still sparks they just now change to resemble a flower mid flight i would have thought this would be obvious
salt like most solid substances has a metiling point and can simply be made appart of the metal thus allowing it to be alloyed.
this is one of the things i have made up in the lore itâs called darksilver and it in lore is part of what makes up a devourer.
Arcanium is metal infused with seal salt which can be within the metal it depends
fairly complicated but he is not entirely human and has an innate ability he is not aware of yet. he also underestimated himself a lot.
this is just about the only one that i can somewhat understand thats because a god a being made of pure divinity just died and since we have seen gods gain power by killing eachother this is my interpretation of gaining a portion of a Godâs power.
Explained way later on in his lore
The simple fact is that it is not representing Ares but taking the shape of what Arron most wants in that moment in a roundabout way that being death.
He was fighting Ares with the sole goal of dying while wounding him as much as possible.
divinity is quite litterally the force of creation of life. it would be surmised that it has the best possible form of healing.
Plenty of OCs do this they tend to insert themselves in as the player in most cases.