I felt like sharing the final part of the ending I’ve initially written for my wip AO fanfic “The Blue is Suffocating” since the entire work is currently on hiatus due to me being a busy irl and needing to fully organise my thoughts on paper coherently before I go on writing.
I am making this public while the story hasn’t even properly started because this fragment has become obsolete and I want to share my amateur writing finally on this site. I’ll probably post the first chapter of The Blue is Suffocating here tomorrow or in some days when I’ll feel like it.
By the way, English is not my first language so I apologise for the possible typos that may lie ahead.
23/02/2024 - not proofread
…The ether melts eternally and collapses on my feeble body. It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t hurt. I am now forced to sit on my knees and face the undertow: “Do you know where you come from?”
The hatred of this world had consumed the soul and made it lose its direction. The brain goes left, the heart goes right, and the body forks into two: the great schism of the soul.
Before the bayonet, there was it: the sea of a thousand faces. I stare at it.
‘Stop staring.’
The sea of a thousand faces stares back.
‘Stop staring at me.’
You know me.
‘I said stop staring at me’
And I seem to have forgotten you.
‘Just…stop staring at me’ my whisper then becomes solely an utterance of the past.
Your faces remain familiar to me. You stare at me and I stare back but nothing is said anymore from the sea I sewed with the memories of everybody I have seen in this life. A quiet echo progresses to the Hell of sounds, its ripples pierce my ears as it calls my name. After the days and nights rotated around my head, I now know that Hell is where the heart is!
<To the ones who didn’t follow, now sharing this moment of grief…>
And I do not authorise this transaction as it lies there. It closes in, cornering me in my small universe that is close to crumbling on its own already. Exonerate me, deliver me, guide me back home…
<Today we are witness to the great decapitation of one’s dreams and the reality that we thought we knew. Do you swear that the statements you will give in this arbitration are the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?>
I thought that I…My tongue is twisting my words around and around but nothing comes out. My gaze could reach the farthest of all realms and it will still see only one color. My guiding golden star…it had died…and now I am utterly at sea. Off to sea, on the sea, drown in the sea, kill the sea when it smarts my entire body and mind with chagrin. I tried to escape it but I just…couldn’t.
There’s a certain point where I need to comprehend it once and for all but I kept refusing - no matter where I go, the sea follows me. Each step, from the tiniest to the biggest, leads me back to the water I was born from and I wish there was something else but it isn’t. Life comes around and everything starts moving so fast that I lose the train and track. At sea, I am with no past lives. Off to the sea I am to seek my future lives. Every present moment is the future one, and each one that passes is the past one - life does not permit any lagging and we get dragged along it against our will. Life is a game - a cruel and beautiful one that we can’t do anything about. Now that everything has happened, my eyes are struck with a kaleidoscope of colours yet there’s still one that grasps my being harder than the others. It has always been there, watching me and I finally turn around once again to face what I had to face a long time ago. Now that everything has melted down, my sorrow has destroyed the world I’ve built.
I stare towards the sea of a thousand faces once again.
“…”
No matter where I go, the sea of a thousand faces follows me and I follow back. No matter where I go, that annoying blue seeks me and I seek back. No matter what I do…we are bound together like the Earth and the Moon - The Blue is so suffocating…and I am suffocating myself.