「🩸」Arcane Of Magic - Part 1, Episode 1

Writing General Writing
#1

৲ :pencil2: Hello everyone! In my first E-Book I received several criticisms about my E-Book, and some positive, but well, I read and reread it and today I will be sending Episode 1 of Arcane Of Magic, I hope I have improved in some aspect, the Cover of the “Book” I will leave in the same way, if you have any suggestions, comment below. :slightly_smiling_face: :point_down:

৲ :pencil2: For those who want to go to the Prologue, access this link: Prologue.docx - Google Docs

৲ :pencil2: Good reading and have fun! :relaxed: :heart:

৲ :pencil2: Part 1, Episode 1: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1k6ZVmHcKvJntKUKZSPUeapoqpHsJS0c-/view?usp=sharing

৲ :pencil2:

Capa-Episode-1
Capa-Episode-1700×1000 123 KB

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I’m sorry for any mistake, I intend to improve my readings over time!

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#2

I forgot to mention that I am a Brazilian! So I’m having to use Google Translate, if some parts of History get weird, it’s because of the Translator!

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#3

Story seems pretty good, writing and reading more will improve your english.

Please use a different font in the future. The one you chose is hard to read.

Also you’re a genius, gonna try putting my own pdfs on drive in the future.

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#4

You use Google Translate which is understandable but use you too many commas which make the whole story just one big sentence.

Story wise I would say that this was pretty good. :slight_smile:

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#5

Nice story but what a bad brother!

Somebody already mentioned to use less commas but I also realized you use “he” a lot.
I’ll give you an example:
Juigetsu went to the shop, he bought a chocolate, he gave the shop man money, he went outside, he ate the chocolate.
Instead:
Juigetsu entered the shop and purchased groceries. After giving the man money, he helped himself to some of the snacks outside.

I don’t know how translators work, but translate a simple word into english, then find synonyms for it. For example you translated “walk” , then after search “synonyms for walk” and boom, 1 level higher.

Take it slowly though. Don’t over-do it and limit yourself to 2-3 commas in a sentence. Most people think short sentences are bad but to really progress you have to start with short sentences.

Also, mafia magicians, nice name :3

Oh and I think, change the font. Maybe to the one you used to right the “speeches”

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#6

Ya bro, I realized that the source caused “Zuigetsu” to become “Luigetsu or Juigetsu”, so in the next part I will change that. haha.

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