Awakening | Act 1, Chapter ?: Empty Vessels |

Decided to release this one early since I had some extra time today.

If you’re confused about the storyline, I’m picking this story off right where I left it as I originally posted chapters for my close friends. You’ll get to learn the characters eventually. Here is what’s happened so far:

Our protagonists adventured into the Oasis. A large mainland desert city in the heart of the Bronze Sea. They ended up battling the Sixth Plate. A squad of experienced fighters part of a battalion of elite warriors that serve the Terragon Kingdom. A kingdom that rules the oceans just beyond the borders of the Bronze Sea. The conflict lasted several hours from dusk til dawn, with our protagonists barely coming out on top. Now, they feel the pain from their victory.

Now here’s the chapter. :slight_smile:

Jin hauled the exhausted Kaladin on his back. Asura trudged right behind him, still clutching to the bullet holes on his thigh. A long line of blood marked their path. Alistar could still be behind them. One of the sisters could still be behind them. Lurking within the building, or traversing the rooftops of buildings. The dock was just in sight. The golden rising sun was now visible over the horizon. It had just dawned on them that their fight lasted for more than 12 hours. They continued their walk forward, and eventually the masts of empty ships hung high above the shore.

Around them mangled bodies were plastered on the wall, or ground. Seemed to have died in all sorts of ways. Swords in their chest. Burned or drowned from magic. A bullet in their head.

Asura tugged on Jin’s hand. “Wait, something’s not right. Look.” Asura pointed to one of the ships. Shadows operated on the deck, moving across from the bow and helm of the vessel. They stepped foot on the sand. Jin followed Asura into a small alleyway, observing the people in the distance. “I see two of them. I’m sure they have no idea we’re here.” whispered Jin. Asura looked in closer. “Are they… moving bodies?” Jin squinted his eyes, beforing covering them as rays of sun blasted his sight. “Agh I can’t tell. The sun’s in our way.”

“So what are we going to do about this?” asked Asura.

“The only thing we can,” said Jin. He unsheathed his blade.

Jin set down Kaladin against the wall of a building, checking first if it was sturdy enough to hold him. Asura readied his daggers, and Jin his sword. Asura climbed a building, and Jin stood behind the building. Both of them waited for one of them to cross onto the sand. Eventually, one of the bodies stepped foot on the sand. The two leapt into action. After crossing the boundaries of the sun, the faces of their victims were clear. Jin threw his sword away and crashed into the sand. Asura crashed straight into the ground. The two got up and retrieved their weapons. A brown messy-haired teenager ran towards them with open arms.

“Jin! Asura! You guys are alive!” shouted Kaleigh with joy. He picked Jin off the ground and embraced him immediately. Jin hugged him with tears streaming down his face. “What happened to you guys?” Jin asked, sniffling through each word. “Well, it’s complicated. Uhh, first off, where’s Kaladin?” said Kaleigh, scanning the area behind Jin. “I placed him to rest on a wall. He deserves his rest after saving Asura and I. Speaking of which, I’ll go grab him real quick.” Jin ran off towards the streets. Kaleigh slowly sighed, alleviating the pressure on his shoulders. Kaladin’s still alive? How will I explain things now? Suddenly, Asura walked up to him. “Hey Kaleigh. Are you doing okay?”

Kaleigh took a second to find form his sentences before speaking out. “Yeah, I guess I’m alright.”

“Still shaken by the battle from earlier?” Asura asked. Kaleigh nodded back. A moment of silence befell on the two of them. Then, Jin walked over with an unconscious Kaladin on his shoulder. Kaleigh went cold with fear for a second. “Hey! Nice timing. Now that you’re both here, why don’t I tell you what happened.” declared Kaleigh shakily. The wind and blood wizard both eyed him eagerly, waiting for his response. Kaleigh gulped down his fears. He knew that he couldn’t lie to them. Not to his only friends in the world.

“After we all got split up by the Glacal sisters, Julius was struck down by a snow blast. I picked him up and we ran behind cover. Then we talked for a bit, before we got ambushed by Nancy. We fought only for a short while, before I got stabbed. But Julius managed to draw her attention and drive her away. After that-”

“So that’s what happened before you came to help us.” interrupted Asura. “Do you mind if I continue the story?” Kaleigh nodded in agreement. “Okay. So while that was happening, me and Joyce fought Tracy. It was a tough battle until Kaleigh showed up, and managed to hold off her Ultimate Art with his own.” Asura motioned the various leaps and projectiles shot out with his hands and fingers. “Then after that, well…”

“Well what?” said Jin, slightly annoyed. “I may or may not have been knocked out in the clashing of the Ultimate Arts” chuckled Asura. Jin facepalmed himself in embarrassment. “Grr! Are you kidding me? Kaleigh, just finish it off. Kaleigh cleared his throat. “Joyce knocked Tracy unconscious with an ice blast, then I trapped her with my mud magic.”

“Nice!” exclaimed Jin. He put his fist out towards Kaleigh. The two conjoined hands with a fist bump. “But actually, there’s one more-” “HEY!!!” yelled an alluring womanly voice… The three of them turned their heads to the ship. Joyce was waving towards them. “Kaleigh!! I still need help here!” Kaleigh whined, before running back to help her. “What are you guys doing?” shouted Jin. “We’re cleaning the ship! You’ll understand just come over” Kaleigh yelled back. Jin and Asura ran over to the end of the docks where the empty vessels stood sailing. As they ran, Jin and Asura noticed puddles of blood on the ground. More blood and now bodies were seen with each step they took. Soon enough, the morning sun illuminated the crimson red stains plastered on the ships. Both of them stopped in horror. The entire docks and ships were littered with dead pirates and Oasis fighters. Kaleigh and Joyce got to work, carrying bodies into large holes.

Asura immediately came to help. Joyce directed him to carry the bodies to a nearby makeshift graveyard. He was surprised to find himself depositing bodies in a large hole, where plenty more victims had already been piled up. Joyce was heading his way. He found the opportunity to question her. “Why didn’t you guys make individual graves for them?” asked Asura. Joyce tossed another corpse into the hole, and wiped the sweat off her forehead. “Well, that’s what we did originally. Kaleigh and I. It’s just that, there were too many…” she said, slowly finishing her sentence. Joyce looked away in pity. Asura simply just nodded and walked on. Then suddenly he stopped. Joyce was still in place, fiddling nervously with her fingers. “Hey.” Asura said. His back was turned towards her. “None of us ended up in that pile right?”

Joyce was stunned. She stammered as she attempted to tell him that Julius had survived. “J-Julius.” she managed to make out. Asura immediately ran back towards her, and pulled her blouse, thrusted her against him. The touch of her breasts softened his anger ever so slightly. “WHERE…where, is he?”

“He’s alive!” Joyce blurted out. “Julius survived! He’s resting on the ship! He was in bad condition when we found him, all bloody and drained of magic energy but…” Asura stomped forwards, and tightened his grip. “But what?” “Asura… please… stop…” Joyce’s tears dripped on Asura’s hand. He finally let go of her, and began to calm himself down. Joyce quickly calmed herself down as well. “I’m not sure if he’ll survive the journey back.” she said. Asura growled at her words. His anger and violent actions provoked Joyce to think: He usually doesn’t show this much emotion. Did something happen after we fought Tracy? Perhaps Kaleigh ended up telling him… Joyce questioned Asura’s actions, as well as her own. Thoughts of what might’ve ended up happening if she decided to stay and fight with Kaladin, instead of abandoning him for Julius.

Asura walked off, and met up with Jin who had laid Kaladin on the boat to rest.

“Asura. Are you helping Joyce deposit the bodies?”

“Yeah I am-” His gaze averted to the bloodied Julius laying beside Kaladin. “So you know about Julius?” Asura asked.

“Mhm. Kaleigh told me.”

“I take it that Joyce and Kaleigh are hiding something.”

Jin was taken aback. It was rare for Asura to make a sudden accusation. He only ever did it when he was 100% sure.

“And your proof?” Jin aggressively questioned.

“His first question. He asked where Kaladin was. Also, Kaleigh was hesitant to explain the story. He took a bit of time before he actually spoke out. He’s always one of the first ones out of all of us to explain things. Usually does it clearly too.”

Jin thought about the situation. Kaleigh’s words, and his explanation. “You’re not wrong. But, he’s probably just as shaken up as we are.”

“He never got to the part where Kaladin fought. When I was fighting against Tracy alongside him and Joyce, we all knew Kaladin dueled against that knight and the brute. It’s why we needed to beat Tracy in the first place.” Asura scowled. “It’s just unfortunate that I had to be knocked out.”

“Okay then. We’ll approach them.” concluded Jin. The two headed together to confront both Joyce and Kaleigh. Kaleigh was unloading buckets of sea water to clean the blood off the deck. Joyce had just returned from a trip of depositing bodies. “You two. We need to talk.”

Joyce and Kaleigh both gulped. The four sat themselves on the deck, ready to discuss. Tensions rose, and the air grew thicker. The heat of the morning sun began to gouge out more liquid from their sweat drenched bodies. “What happened with Kaladin.” Jin suddenly asked.

Both of them stayed silent. Joyce looked down, and Kaleigh stared straight into Jin’s eyes. “Fine. The marksman. He took Kaladin hostage. We had a choice. The fighting would stop, if we let him take Kaladin.”

“Take him? You mean kill him?”

“No, take him. He said he would take him back to the kingdom.”

“What for?”

“He didn’t say. Me and Joyce both left immediately. We decided to go look for Julius straight after, and we eventually found him already bloody and unconscious. But one of the Glacal sisters was unconscious beside him.”

“So he ended up winning then.”

Kaleigh nodded.

Jin sighed in relief. “You guys…” He wiped away the liquid tensions and anger from his forehead. “Don’t be so pressed. It must’ve been a tough situation. Perhaps if all of us had been stronger…” Jin looked back on his fight with Nancy. The spear-wielding Glacal sister. The same girl that Julius had managed to defeat. “Had I won against Nancy, then Julius wouldn’t have had to fight her. If I had won, then I would’ve been aware of the marksman, and I would never have gotten shot.” Jin clasped his hands together. His magic aura grew stronger. “I never… Kaladin wouldn’t have… NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.” he screamed.

All of them instantly knew, they were also to blame. For the injuries of Kaladin and Julius. If I didn’t get knocked out by the Ultimate Art… thought Asura. If I had managed to combat Nancy and protect Julius… wondered Kaleigh. If I managed to dodge easier, we could have beaten her sooner… pondered Joyce.

All of them forced themselves underwater to drown in their sorrows, but two words popped into Jin’s mind, that just circulated more fear and anxiety through his veins. “Vega,” he said. “Scarlett.”

The three of them looked up. Their silence had already told Jin their answer. “We need to find them!” he shouted, blasting up his seat and forming two magic circles below his feet. Joyce grabbed hold of him, and Asura pinned him down to the ground. “Jin! Think it through! We haven’t seen them at all!” Kaleigh shouted above him. “Which is why- we need- to find-” Jin wriggled between Asura’s grip, trying to break free. “Get off me you bitch!”

“I’ll go and find them. Out of all of us I’m the best suited and in the best condition.” Asura told his friend. “No! It’s not fair! Me and Kaladin split off from Scarlett when we went to find Vega. It’s only right if we-”

“Stay. Down.” The three said simultaneously. Jin finally admitted defeat, and laid on the deck of the boat to rest his mind and body. He’d broken his vow to Vega.
I won’t lose… I promise I won’t lose… His eyes blinked and began to blur and doze off. The last thing he saw, was Asura walking on the deserted streets, taking action on his words earlier. Joyce carried another body off the sand, and Kaleigh got up and treaded down to the beach.

Then finally, he found sleep.

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Chapter 2 still releases this Friday.

Good Story. Can’t wait to see what happens next.

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Hmm. Not the best idea to introduce a lot of characters so suddenly without giving explanations or descriptions for them. This can work in art and animation because it’s easier to keep track of and recognize appearances than it is for names, but in writing and text it makes things hard to follow.

You can make stories start with about 1-3 main characters and have the reader get to know them over time as the story progresses, but with this many characters that becomes too difficult and doesn’t work as well, especially with the setting that the story starts off in, right after a big fight took place and everyone’s injured.

I’d recommend making a list of the characters and writing down key traits and such, so that when we’re reading about the characters in the actual story it’s easier to follow. Or you could post the previous parts before this one. Sorry if I’m not understanding very well, to my understanding there were chapters before this one but you kept those private and just between you and your friends.

I think the story does have potential and I’d like to see where you go with it, I hope you have a good day.

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Yeah I see where you’re coming from and I’m sorry for the confusion. Most of the character building did come from the chapters that I’ve kept private.

I would release the past chapters, but there’s a large amount of changes I would have to make with the writing style, alongside the characters themselves in past chapters, since there’s a lot of changes I made prior to putting the story on the forum. It would only lead to further confusion.

I’ll take some time to make a character profile list of the main characters and mentioned names so far before releasing the next chapter.

I appreciate the tip and I’ll definitely put it to good use. You have a good day as well.

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I’m confused but great story!