Axidus Chapter 9 The Crystal Forest

A couple of hours passed as the large crowd began to disperse as most went to the small town ahead. The others went to a strange forest.

“What are we taking our chances with,Jocket asked.

Carter thought for a second as they continued walking on the stone path.

‘We should take our chances with a town, Kendal interrupted before Carter could think…

A town is too risky,plus they might have people looking for us already, argued,Jocket.

“Jocket might be right,Airis said as merchants and alchemists went ahead of them.

Fine,we will go to the Crystal Forest,Carter said as Carter directed them to the path northeast.

hour later pasts by

There were no more trees surrounding the large and rugged path Airis and his friends walked on.

“No more trees,Mythic noted.”

“Yeah”,Airis said

A couple of minutes later crystal trees went into view.

“Why are there crystals everywhere,”Jocket wondered aloud.

“No idea”,Kendal answered.

More merchants passed by as everyone avoided the sapphire trees.

“I wanna touch one,”Mythic said as the trees let off a faint glow.

You really shouldn’t,Jocket said,they might be dangerous.

Unfortunately Mythic refused to listen.

He touched one with his finger as the crystals slid off.

See,not dangerous ?

I’m sorry I haven’t made lot chapters lately I will start a daily routine soon.

This was also rushed

  1. Please end your quotations
  2. This is like one paragraph of stuff, you typically want from 900-1k words on each one. This is an extremly small sniplet and it’s going to be hard to get people hooked like this.
    Try reading other peoples writing, there’s a lot of good stories that you can read both on and off the forums that can serve as an example

Also where’s the crystal forest? Did you forget to post all your stuff?

Yeah. I did this on the bus and I was rushed.

alright make sure to post the rest of your stuff

also please, please use qutoations correctly. It makes it harder to read

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Alright thanks for the advice. :+1:


As I said earlier, you want to have a lot more in each chapter, almost no plot happens in this one. Additonally, most charcter dialouge is bland and is only basic observations without much actual humour or personailty. From reading this entire thing, the only thing I could glean about the charcters was that Mythic is a bit curious and that’s it

Ik. That’s why I’m still doing research on how to be a better writer :disappointed:

Would a chapter thats 6 pages long be good for chapter 9 in my story?

personally I would split it up or at least add lots paragraph but my writing kinda sucks anyways so you do you

Maybe I’ll do something like with chapter 8 and make two parts

  1. Very short
  2. Put spaces after commas
  3. Quotations
  4. Grammar
    All of these were pointed out in your other chapters. You have to actually use the advice your given, and not just say “ok” and never use it.

this isn’t mentioning the actual bad things about the story like the bland charcters and telling rather then showing

I made this on the bus. It was too rushed. I’ll do better next time.

You make a one paragraph story on a bus with poor grammar and punctuation and decide its good enough to post :I


Most writing takes around a week for me. If I have off then around three days without procasnation

I accidentally posted this on the bus when I wasn’t ready. I think I should remake this chapter. Not really good and probably take time to plan out.

You definitely posted this purposely