But did you know that you can RIDE A BEAR?
I don’t know why, the bear wasn’t aggressive.
Here we have a gem merchant! Not a Jewel Merchant, he sells gems, not jewels. He had me destroy a bunch of rocks because that’s where gems come from! Also, I delivered a mystery box to him, I think it contained super deadly poison used to kill or incapacitate royalty. But that’s just a guess, they said they’d use super deadly poison used to kill or incapacitate cool guys if I peeked.
Look, a wa- what do you mean you guys haven’t finished repairing the wall yet? I’ve been gone for five main story quests at least!
Mr. Sand, this town is in a state of disrepair, you should be ashamed! Look at Prince Allanon here, he’s weeping over the loss of an enjoyable experience observing a wall! Now he’s going to miss out on the joy Callahan experienced when he fell off the sky islands!
Here we have a Navy Major, a major person in the Grand Navy! Who are the Grand Navy? They’re like your Skyhall Guards, except you can’t tell them what to do and they make their people wear stupid outfits. No, the Navy Major’s name isn’t Liara. And Callahan, we were just in that disgrace of a town, you should have went to the doctor before we left! You can’t even lose health, believe me, those sharks tried!
Look, a tornado! And much like that “wall”, it’s full of sand and wind and not stone! Oh, that strange icon? Don’t worry about it, it ain’t going anywhere.
Look how majestic the tornado is! So sandy and windy! Isn’t sand and wind such an amazing combination? And it can do a lot of damage! It’s supposed to send us into the air, but for some reason it isn’t working.
Never mind, it started working, whee!
Look, ruins! This is what happens to buildings when they grow old, or when something bad happens like someone using Explosion Magic or the land it’s on collapsing. Too bad these ruins are closed, it’d be nice to plunder its treasures! If you’re going to make some Skyhall ruins later after this great inspiration, be sure to add some treasure! And be sure to make it believable, I want to feel like people lived there.
This guy is a potionmaker! He’s also a potionseller! Let’s see if he’ll sell us his strongest potions!
Score! Oh, yeah, some of the potions are poisons. You have to be real careful with poisons, they can have some real bad side effects such as causing bleeding! And we know how bad bleeding can be, right?
Here we are, the Sun Temple! This is where a bunch of monks worship the sun I think. They also have a neat sky light so they don’t run out of sun and so they can collect water that pools on the ground so it’s really important that nothing foul gets into the pool so they don’t stand in the center of the room because they need water to drink because the sun doesn’t give water! Isn’t that right, Mr. Sun Temple Monk?
…
Callahan! Quit looking so dissatisfied with the Sun Temple, you’re making him upset. We went to your boring monument about how Skyhall lost the game of war, you can tolerate being at a boring temple dedicated to sitting quietly and staring at the sun! Isn’t that right Mr. Sun Temple Monk?
…
Alright, let’s get out of the sun and look at how much sand there is in Sameria! If you ever need to import sand for some sand castles or because you miss the fun you’ve had here, feel free to pick up some sand! Yes, bring Liara over so she can behold the sand splendor of Sameria!
Sameria has all the sand in the world! (Except for the sand at Sandfall Isle, and the sand at Limestone Key, and the sand at Blasted Rock, a
Check it out, this glass is colorful! This is state of the art, mages haven’t figured out how to get colorful glass yet. This would be perfect to bridge the gap between the sea and sky - no, not literally, I’m just saying, one look at this and all the Skyhall citizens would understand why someone would be willing to ransack an entire country and steal a specific prestigious resource.
Here we have something you’ve probably never seen in Skyhall, litter! Someone left behind a hood and a wanted poster and some blood and a bunch of planks of wood and a unique building. What? No, it doesn’t say Liara, it says… oh, my vision’s too blurry, maybe I need glasses, it could say Liara. Does Liara have a bounty on her head? Asking for a friend.
Let’s go to a wonderful island called Makarena I think! Sure, Callahan, we can see if there’s a doctor in the center of town there.
Nope, just a criminal!
Look, a lever! You can use levers to activate things, such as elevators. And elevators are the second safest and most convenient form of travel in the world, next to skyships! Well, as long as you stay seated and don’t load it with a bunch of gunpowder barrels. You know, just like skyships. And normal ships, for that matter.
See? Completely safe!
Can you see it? The green question mark? What do you mean, you can’t? I guess you’re not cool enough to go questing, but don’t worry, I’ll find the way there!
No, that’s not Liara, that’s some victims of a murder as part of a ritual.
Look, we found the bearer of the Green Question Mark Curse! What? You see grey question marks? Are you sure you’re not just confused? Don’t be silly.
Allanon, don’t be rude, let him pull your finger! (Hey, does this count as me giving you a finger for our deal for spitting in the eye of the gods and acquiring power beyond imagination? Also, what’s a finger?)
Anyways, the reason I brought you all here is so we could get to the bottom of this “assassin attack” business and get on with our vacation. I’m sure they’ll be accommodating to our requests!
(Hey, I know we’re in the middle of some heated negotiations, but check it out, I just scored some free stuff!)
They were not accommodating to our requests.
After all that adventuring, I am now really cool and went up a level! Being a vacation guide is such a rewarding experience, they should make it a full profession!
Okay Allanon, I’m only sharing it with you, Callahan, Liara, and nobody else ever, but here is where the true secret of Sameria lies! What is it? Well, this well is where you can get the rarest pieces of equipment in the world - Drowned Samerian equipment! Yes, please hold on, we’re going to try our luck.
Okay Allanon, there’s no reason to cry (especially underwater), just because you have disappointed Liara by failing to get a Drowned Samerian piece to take home. No, we can’t just drown a Samerian and call it a day! Wait, what do you mean I am putting words in your mouth? I’d never do such a thing!
Uh oh, a castaway! We have to help this poor soul out! Vacation or not, it’s important to help those in distress as soon as possible, with no distractions.
Oh, you want to head back home? Alright, I’ll go ahead and use the ability to t-jump repeatedly that I gained on this server for some reason to fly to the sky at once. SKYHALL, I’VE FINALLY FOUND YOU![1]
And so we have returned home, and I have a nice shiny blue glow!
It wasn’t Skyhall. What? All you clouds look the same to me. ↩︎