Chapter 1, A Fire of Hope - The Savior of the Flames

Author’s note: This is my first story, so please help me improve. Without further ado, let’s get started!

Chapter 1- A Fire of Hope

He awoke on an island, in the middle of the sea, not knowing where he was. Last he remembered, he was fighting in a war between Sameria and Ravenna. He looked down and saw a name tag hanging from his neck. It read “Aaron Fallenfire,” while also having the Samerian insignia engraved on it.

Aaron took in his surroundings, realizing that he was on an iceberg. There were a bunch of cliffs and mountains around him. He also saw a camp of some dangerous looking people, so he decided to avoid them for the time being. Aaron started to walk around to see if he could find anything, but all he found was ice, ice, and more ice. Then, Aaron felt a sharp pain in his foot. He looked down and picked up a piece of metal. It had a weird logo engraved on it, but Aaron didn’t make much of it at the time. Then he used his brain, and started wondering how he wasn’t freezing to death, but then he took a good look at himself. He was glowing, with a fiery aura around him. Aaron felt that he was a very important person in that war, and he can turn the tide for Sameria. He may be Sameria’s last hope.

Realizing that he didn’t know how long he was out, he started to explore the island for civilization, though he doubted there would be any in this extreme environment. But Aaron was proven wrong, as he quickly found a small town near the edge of the island.

He felt like he had been here before, but he didn’t remember anything. Did he lose some of his memory? Aaron vaguely remembered something about him being some kind of rare magic user, though he wasn’t sure what that meant. When he walked into town, a group of Ravenna soldiers looked at him. How he knew the were from Ravenna, Aaron did not know. They look like they discussed something briefly, than drew their weapons and charged.

Aaron wasn’t armed, but he felt a surge of power from within him.

Find out what happens next in chapter 2! Thanks for reading, and help me improve in the comments!


bro really remembered that there was a war but didn’t remember that he had a curse?

Yay we got ourselves a fellow fire dude :fire:

Suggestion: Add my fire conjurer, Damian Arcturus, into the story


This is a very good start for someone that has just gotten into writing! Now let’s see where you can improve at!

One of the biggest feedback I have is to separate and expand. I have identified points in this one big paragraph can be divided up into separate paragraphs, where each paragraphs are extended. Each red line indicates where I believe separating it into another paragraph would work:

You can take these parts and expand on each of their themes. For example the first paragraph is about the introduction and awakening (what exactly caused him to wake?).

The second is the realization about his powers (when I say expand, really just detail it more using the 5 senses and whatnot).

Exploration and Discovery (What was the surrounding scenery like? Describe it).

Memory and Conflict (what exactly are the fragments of memories does he recall?).

The last one would be like a “Action”, and you can leave it as a sentence as it is quite good.

Basically, expand, expand, expand! (if you want to of course)

Of course, in the end my feedback is purely suggestive, and you do not have to follow it in any way!

Great start for your first! Good luck on your writing odyssey!

1 Like

keep cooking lil bro or im coming after you

Thanks for the feedback! I will try to improve it!

No I don’t want to die

pump out these stories like you pump in me and we’ll be perfectly fine


I changed it up a bit, now I’ma start working on chapter 2. I am hoping to do 1 chapter a day, but you never know

cool story


Did you just become a mod like today or yesterday or am I just blind?

fr like when did that happen

Facts bro, I was confused why he had mod lul

ig bro is that powerful

Chapter 2 is out btw guys

Alr, I’ma go read that. (hopefully I’m in it)