Cruel world (Chapter one)


The sun came out of the horizon, brightening the falling raindrops. Due to the temperature difference, a beautiful fog was formed, which from our world created something like the astral world. But the main character of this story just opened her eyes.

She woke up under a tree, in a cape which is soaked due to the rain, Megan got to her feet, checking her equipment at the same time. Even before getting fully on her feet, Megan headed forward, where her eyes were leading her. Why is she doing it?Even Megan dont know.Many people call her an ordinary mercenary, or a bandit who hunted bandits for money, but there was only a grain of truth in this. Megan see the meaning of life only in money, because this world is ruled by money.

Passing hundreds of identical trees in search of bandits, she visited many villages to buy or repair equipment. And so, passing near with Silent Tower, she decided to go to the Bronze Grasslands, because in a fresh newspaper it was written about an increaseed criminal level there.

Arriving at the Bell Village, she saw a strange picture: Most of the buildings are destroyed; There is no people nearby. After realizing that the village was attacked, Megan ran to the bell tower. Megan quickly focused the magic in her right leg, and at the same time released it. When she flew up and grabbed the tiles, she rose to her feet, grabbed the crossbow, and began to observe the area near her.

Keeping a close eye on all that was left of the village, Megan did not even think about who could have done this, where he is now, and where the Magic Council is. She was only worried about the capture and delivery villain to the Council. But were only raindrops heard that collided with the rubble of buildings. And then … Lightning struck near the village. Megan, though that it was the enemy and shot there with magic. Realizing that this is a simple natural phenomenon, Megan jumped from the Bell Tower. At the same moment, she heard the use of magic, and lightning hit right on the roof of the bell tower. Some large fragments hit Megan and she fell to the ground, immediately Megan used magic to escape from under the rubble. As soon as she jumped out of the rubble, a second lightning struck near her.

After realizing that this is an enemy attack, she ran into the nearest building. After not long hesitation, she decides to demolish all the nearby buildings to find the enemy. As soon as she is going to leave, an explosion occurs near the entrance, lightning struck again near Megan. She also decided to make a hole on the opposite side of home, to escape. Shooting at the wall and making a hole, Megan jumped onto the roof, and from it rose into the air.

Seeing a man standing near the exit from the village, she shot at him with an explosive beam. The unknown abruptly climbed to the roof of the nearest building.Megan did not even understand how he managed to get there, if she did not notice it because of the bright light that her magic emits, or due to the speed of the opponent.

After Landing on ground, Megan took 2 dagger and at the same moment she hear:

“Why are you doing all this? Do you want to fight? And that’s why you are fighting against the whole world?”

After stopping her hand from throwing the knife, Megan began to look at the enemy. He looked like a representative of the nobility, but his face was not visible, in his left hand he held an umbrella from which, as well as from the hand, weak and small lightning came out.

90

“In the name of justice, I will defeat you!” - said the enemy starting to use magic

“Wai …” - Not having time to pronounce the word ‘stop’ the enemy used magic and lightning struck Megan directly. She began to shrink from lightning, and at the same time began to shout:

“GODDAMNIT WAIT A SE…” Lightning began to strike more often. Megan had no choice but to start attacking in response.

Megan started to run in the direction of the enemy. After jumping to the level where the enemy was located, Megan threw one dagger at the enemy, dagger was blocked with an umbrella. At the same moment, Megan bounced off the enemy, and he in turn created 3 electro-blasts that flew into Megan direction.To defend herself and attack enemy, Megan used her magic to create an explosive ball that could destroy the enemy’s magic. Suddenly, in the place where the enemy was struck by lightning and he was in the air 5 higher than his previous position. Realizing that because of the rain Megan is losing, she decides to blow herself up with magic. Shouting: “EXPLOSION!” , she created a big explosion centered on Megan herself. After falling to the ground, she immediately began to look around for her opponent.

At the same moment, a giant axe flew over her head, flying through the smoke and ardor, it left a trail of clean air, which eventually ended at the place of his landing, and he was an unknown aristocrat himself.

End of part 1

2 Likes

I’m pretty sure you meant “Cruel World”

eh, no matter.
maybe it’s intentional.

Nice! That guy with the umbrella is that that man from the statue?

Good work!

I assume English is not your native language, so here are some tips/revisions:

Firstly, I’ll mention that this is really good imagery. However, there are some problems. “The sun came out of the horizon”, although perfectly grammatically correct, isn’t really how a native speaker would write it. Normally, one would say “The sun came out from behind the horizon”. There’s a very slight difference.
Next, you write “Due to the temperature difference”. While I understand you’re trying to explain the fog, it’s not really necessary and breaks the flow. It’s as if I wrote “The sea was a pretty blue-green” and then added “this was because of the algae growing in the waters, which changed the normal blue color of the water into blue-green”. It doesn’t say anything important and awkwardly introduces something that doesn’t suit the flow of the story.
Next is “from our world” which doesn’t make sense in this context. I’m not quite sure what you mean here. Either way, it’s usually bad form to write in a meta fashion, that is, to break out of character and say something from the narrator’s perspective. It’s like saying “Once upon a time” only worse. There also isn’t a need for this, your intro would be fine if not better without it.
Then we have “the astral world” which is confusing because I still don’t know what you’re trying to say. Probably a bad translation.
“But the main character of this story” is bad form, as I said already. A better way to put it is “Megan opened her eyes”. Sure, it’s short, but in this case there is no need for what you wrote. It neither introduces something important nor adds imagery. We already know/assume that she’s the main character. You don’t need to tell us that.

I’m only going to talk about that one paragraph since if I covered more it’ll be massive, but mainly it’s just grammar mistakes and unnecessary bits.