Defending Yourself: For Beginners

A piece of paper drifts from the air and lands right on your feet.

You pick it up, realising there are words you can read on it.

I, The Crystal Overseer shall guide you through this world of magic with my knowledge of how to defend yourself (and possibly others). Measly criminals you’d often find in alleyways to pirates that suddenly raid your ship, you’ll be able to better defend yourself in these situations and perhaps escape unscathed. Remember, you must save yourself in order to save others!

Weapons and Fists

Now, this should be easy even for the normal adventurer. Blocking the attack with a magic spell would suffice. Preferably a long ranged magic spell or a defensive magic spell, since you don’t exactly want your opponent to just power through your fire sword or your plasma shield do you?
“But what if I use fists?”
Good question. Punch the ground and blind your opponent with the dust. Hell, if you’re skillful enough just dodge the attack and retaliate with a punch or a kick. If you have a magic, then go ahead and coat your arms with it and block the attack with your bare fists or your legs (if you can even raise it high enough, I doubt it).
“But what if I use weapons?”
Another good question. Coat your weapon in your magic and block the attack. You don’t have a magic?..just go back home and take a nap.


Alright, this should be easy. Just block it with your magic. Doesn’t have to be a solid, you can burn their hands with enough magma or blind them for their entire life with enough light blasts. I do advice making multiple walls with solid magics, since it would slow their momentum down. Either that or just dodge it.
“What about fists?”
Should be a field trip for you. Unless their imbued with magic, then you have a problem.
“What about weapons?”
Again, another field trip. Just hope they don’t shatter your weapon.


Just use magic. Blast it with your own blast. Didn’t explode? Blast it even more. If you’re still blasting it you’re an idiot because YOU CAN JUST DODGE THE ATTACK BECAUSE OF HOW SLOW IT IS. YOU’RE LITERALLY THINKING IF YOU SHOULD BLOCK IT AND IT HASN’T REACHED YOU, THAT’S HOW SLOW IT IS.
“What about fists?”
Pray you have the reflexes to dodge it.
“What about weapons?”
Hope your weapon doesn’t break from the sheer force of the spell.


I made this category specifically BECAUSE most of my crew struggle against them. You should at the VERY least grab a weapon. Trust me, you wouldn’t want to go back onto your ship with a missing leg. I doubt you can swing your sword and move your fist with enough force to knock out a shark.


  • Speak out of topic (and hope they don’t notice)
  • Escape (It is the most effective)
  • Bring out some stuff from the past (doesn’t have to be tragic, just hope they forget about what their saying once you’re done)
  • Sail into a tornado/whirlpool/stormy waters (Always works)

That should be it. If you’re reading this, please give it to the guy who has an arcsphere as a knight helmet. Remember to stay safe out in the war seas!

By Johnny Grey, The Captain Of The Bejeweled Sigils