Dolphin Rant

Dolphins: the high-horse pricks of the ocean.
“oh look at me. I’m a dolphin. I’m so nice and kind to everyone.”

I’ve never liked dolphins. They’ve always come across like they’re planning some mysterious, underground and suspicious shit.

You can easily imagine them turning around whilst they’re helping a puppy or a baby polar bear and smiling back at you with a villainous grin; as if they’re helping and being so naturally kind as to convince the human race that they are wonderful creatures.

But I tell you what dolphins, I’m not buying it.

I am willing to bet that dolphins actually run an underground syndicate.
Drug smuggling, seal trafficking, stealthily assassinating fishermen and cleverly blaming it on sharks.

I’m sure these devious devil animals have done it all.

And I Know What Some of You Are Saying..

“oh no you hater, u just not like dolphins because they are majestic and beautiful creatures”

  • being jealous of dolphins is completely ludicrous
  • it’s just proof that these underwater brain head water mutants have already hypnotized your minds
Do You Even Know..

…where the term “dolphin” even comes from?
I didn’t think so.

It actually originated from the Latin term of Murderer Crime Killers of the Ocean.

“dolphins are actually kind creatures with sweet hearts”.
Okay, look; just go check on them for five minutes the come back and tell me that they’re not the murderous killers of the ocean and I’ll drop it.

Dolphins bully their own kind, torture their prey like seals by tossing them around or knocking them off ice multiple times, kill great whites, kill whales, kill penguins, and they’re smart. If you dislike them so much why don’t you go ahead and try to fight them? it’s a good idea trust me :slightly_smiling_face:

ggez

Angry Jotaro Kujo noises

Visual representation of @jubileesucks fighting a dolphin:

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accurate

not half as bad as orcas (which are dolphins but still)

This reminds me of something in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy… for some reason…

can you quote a specific part of my post so I can understand

fucking hell man whats next on the forum rants? rant about the dissolution of the USSR? rant about chimpanzees? rant about war crimes?

Your mother :niceman:

NO WTF??? I GOT MOM’D…

Idk, I don’t understand myself a lot after I do something. I guess it just in general suggesting there is more to dolphins than we see. :/

Axolotls can save us

Dolphins run a crime syndicate

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Good job, you learned how social creatures work