“I’m not racist! I hate everyone equally!”
(xenophobia)
Hii, new here. I’ve been into D&D for a while and the other week I decided to try DMing for the first time, I had spent months putting together a campaign for my friends with dragons and cowboys and this whole murder mystery plot I had put together, and I was really excited to try it out, but they were all super mean. they kept getting impatient and annoyed when I didn’t know something, derailing the story, and just not taking it seriously in general. I had to just call it because I was getting really overwhelmed and when I get over whelmed I disassociate a lot, so I just went home. oh well, vent over, sry if that’s not allowed in this thread hehe. 
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that sounds like it wouldve been really cool sorry ur friends were assholes 
also uh @Dudeman
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Here are some of my favorite moments.
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During the time at which we first encountered the BBEG, the party’s rogue stole 3 pistols, 1 automatic rifle, 20,000 gold coins and some other stuff directly off the BBEG’s body and never got caught.
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For some reason we decided to jokingly give the BBEG the voice and appearance of Ben Shapiro. This stuck for the entire campaign, with PC and NPCs even referring to him as “Admiral Shapiro”.
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My DM interpreted the spell Gentle Repose as being able to keep its target from ever expiring. I used this to end world hunger in that campaign.
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The party’s fighter wanted to rush into this place full of bad guys, but I, the party’s wizard, calmed him down and took him out of the building with me, silently placing a delayed-blast fireball in the building before we had closed the door behind us. When we were outside, I detonated the fireball, kill most of the bad guys inside.
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The party was fighting a bunch of goons and their leader in a place where there were some magic runes/sigils. The runes/sigils prevented enemies from being able to stay dead, and would teleport anyone outside who tried to destroy the sigils/runes. Eventually, after getting nowhere fighting those guys, I came up with a different plan. Due to a combined effort of the other party members (all martial classes) and also my fireball spam, most of the enemies were corpses on the ground, the runes/sigils slowly reviving them. I used Gust of Wind to knock the bodies towards the sigils/runes, hoping that hitting the runes/sigils would lead to them being teleported out of the building and would permanently dead after being teleported out of the building. What ended up happening is that some of the corpses were teleported out of the building, but they also ended up breaking the sigils/runes, meaning that the enemies were no longer undying, and we finished off all the surivors.
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The DM presented us with a trolley problem, where there were a bunch of people chained up and doing slave labor in some mines. My character, being the party’s wizard, was able to deduce that if we cut the chains binding those people, they would all instantly die due to the chains being enchanted. The DM was probably trying to get us to choose whether we let the miners continue to suffer, or if we put them out of their misery. However, the DM didn’t say anything about the people instantly dying if we unlocked their chains, and I had the spell Knock.
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The DM classified objects/creatures under the effects of Levitate to be weightless. I used this fact to bypass the weight limits on spells like mage hand and catapult.
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I was trying to put out a forest fire, and when creating water with the spell Create Food and Water didn’t work, I stupidly tried using the spell Gust of Wind to put out the fire, and nearly burnt down an entire town, but thankfully I clutch last minute with a good role when using the spell Create Food and Water.
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The party was being held captive by the BBEG and a bunch of his goons. We had an extremely powerful (and alcoholic) NPC ally out on our boat, completely unaware of our predicament. So I lured him to our location for him to save us by using the spell Silent Image to create illusionary words in front of him that said “There’s free beer in [whatever building we were in, I don’t remember].” The NPC ally immediately teleported into the building we were in and turned negotiations in our favor.
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The party’s Paladin had a tragic backstory that involved him killing his brother during a war, and his brother’s vengeful spirit taking residence inside his head, occasionally giving the Paladin a strange episode of magic-induced PTSD, during which he is unable to distinguish friend from foe. When we arrived at the island at which the Paladin committed fratricide, the Paladin’s magic PTSD flared up, and the DM was planning to have us fight him. For some reason, (maybe partially because I had recently got the spell Animate Dead and wanted to use it, maybe it was because I wanted a more surefire way to get rid of the Paladin’s magic PTSD, or maybe it was because I’m arrogant and wanted to successfully execute a more complicated plan in order to feel cool and smart. Either way, I decided to negotiate with the ghost of the Paladin’s brother, promising that I’d revive him if he’d promise to leave us the fuck alone. The negotiations ended up going well, with both sides upholding their end of the bargain. However, the negotiations were really tense, and I could feel stuttering even more than I normally do and sweating. Also, the Paladin was mad at me for getting rid of his character flaw, as he believed it was what made his character interesting. Well, Patt(Not his real name), you could’ve had your character gradually improve throughout the entire game, but instead I had to fix your character myself during the final session.
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During the final confrontation with Admiral Shapiro, started monologuing about how free will was a mistake (y’know, typical villain stuff) and the party’s rogue decided to use this opportunity to steal everything they could off of the BBEG. They stole everything he had on him, his enchanted armor, his many firearms, his magic sword, and basically everything except for his cartoonish underpants with hearts on them. It took Shapiro a moment to realize that all of his gear was missing, and when he did, the rogue promptly shot him in the back of the head with one of his own pistols. Much to our surprise, this instantly killed him, because it turned out that Shapiro himself was actually really weak, and was granted superhuman speed, durability, and strength by his sword and armor. This was a very fitting way for the campaign to end.
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Aw that sounds horrible, it feels like when somebody rip up your drawing kinda
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Oh look a new feller!
Do you know how to remove a M:3 Cat-Inator Brain Chip implanted by cat ears?
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when the rogue rolls an 83 on stealth:
no, welcome the brain chip, the brain chip heals
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my friend and his furry friend made me play it behind the school
i kid you not my friend decided to be a cowgirl with really yk what
i tried getting away from them but the gamemaster(furry man) forced us together
I tried getting away, I promise I did. But my friend started trying to intercourse with me which he succeeded cause he got a good roll
luckily i rolled and left the room before i would idk be killed.
then i returned later and shot cowgirl(which could shapeshift into a snake)
I’m never playing DND again, i don’t even know how
I’M SORRY WHAT 
wtf did i just read 
i barely played dnd and i wish i could play more but the dm is busy with college n shit
anyways i fnaf 2 foxy jumpscared the final boss and got a crit then pinned him on the ground with a crowbar in his shoulder for like 5 turns and he got annihilated
using random ass gifs to describe your attacks is fun
Holy hell a mod just jumped in my topic I actually got scared for a second for some reason
Sounds cool, wish we’d gotten to the final boss when JG ran one, and yes, you should definitely play more
Due to the utterly fucked up lore of my characters, I have once gotten into a situation where Saul goodman was breakdancing to summon Cthulhu (who was a pimp) in order to successfully gaslight one of my party members, Cthulhu then left after sprucing up the tavern we were in slightly in a puff of pink glitter
I will not elaborate as to how this happened at all
This is the most D&D story ever
EXCUSE ME WHAT (whoever did that should be banned from playing dnd)
The party was running for our lives through the shadowfell, trying to reach a portal that led back the the material plane. Just as we jumped in, the shadow dragon that was chasing us sniped our cleric, killing them instantly as the wormhole spat us out in front of the main HQ of One-eyed Chuck’s. (Basically fantasy McDonalds with freshness wizards.) They managed to revive the cleric, but in exchange we had to help take down a local rival – Snake-arm grill. Hundreds of magically conjured burgers, my favourite quote of the campaign, (“Wake up, sheeple! That’s not salt, it’s POWDERED SNAKE”) multiple counts of arson and a lizard man slathered in copious amounts of clown makeup later, we had decided to take things peacefully and run them out of business…until the owner of the burger joint, Snake-hand Jim, decided to take matters into his own slithery hands.
even better 