October 7, 2042 - The Day Before Arcane Odyssey Full Release
Dear Diary,
I can’t believe tomorrow is the big day. After all these years, Arcane Odyssey is finally getting its full release. Who would’ve thought we’d actually live to see it? I mean, between graduating high school, college, getting married, and somehow raising two little gremlins who call me “Dad” (with only occasional panic attacks), I thought the game would just stay in development until the heat death of the universe. But nope! Tomorrow’s the day, and I’m more excited than I’ve been since… well, I can’t even remember. My memory isn’t what it used to be, but I swear it’s because of the kids, not the grey hairs showing up on my head. Speaking of which, I’m also noticing a lot more scalp where hair used to be. Guess my body figured it was time to free up some real estate up top.
On the plus side, life’s not bad. I’ve got a steady job now (one of the few stable ones left after the country decided to spontaneously combust), a wife who somehow still loves me despite the fact that my body feels like it’s malfunctioning in all the worst ways, and two kids who are growing up faster than GTA 6 sales did back when it finally came out in 2031. Oh yeah, did I mention I’ve developed a weird… uh, “slower start” problem, if you catch my drift? I’d ask the doctor about it, but the last time I tried, the appointment was booked out until 2043. Well, maybe tomorrow night’s excitement will reignite something in me—if not, at least there’s always Arcane Odyssey, right?
In between family life and the stress of keeping my hair from turning completely white, the world’s been an absolute rollercoaster. China finally invaded Taiwan in 2034, which was wild. And then, of course, the U.S. thought, “What if we got in on this chaos?” and had a nice, casual civil war. I wasn’t going to get involved, but then my back gave out, and it turned out the rebels had a great chiropractor, so I signed up. I like to think I contributed, but mostly I just handed out snacks and tried not to pull anything. You know, rebel duties.
Oh, and I almost forgot—our team’s greatest accomplishment: traveling back in time to bring back Harambe. Yeah, you heard that right. Once we fixed the space-time continuum (no big deal), we brought him back, but honestly, I think he was disappointed. He took one look at 2042 and went right back to his cage. Can’t say I blame him.
Anyway, my back feels like it’s about to snap in half from carrying these kids (and the rebel cause), so I better call it a night. Tomorrow is Arcane Odyssey day, and my excitement might just power me through whatever’s left of this balding, malfunctioning body. If not, well… at least I’ve got my wife, my kids, and Harambe to keep me company.
Yours truly, The guy who should’ve invested in better lumbar support