it’s 11:30 and I haven’t had a good nights sleep in god knows how long and for some reason I’m writing this
why do I do this to myself
lemme know if anythings bad, I’m at least gonna get writing practice off this
Redwake - The smell of fish and saltwater ferments the island’s air as its wooden boards creak beneath your feet. You can hear far-away laughter as the warriors celebrate their newest catch
Red Finn - A cozy refuge for adventurers and townsfolk alike, its warm glow almost inviting you in to grab a drink or two.
Frostmill(wild) - The punishing winds bring a harsh chill as you trek through the snow.
Frostmill(town) - The town is bustling with its usual business, the townsfolk somehow immune to the biting cold. Distantly, you can hear the sound of picks against ice in a constant rhythm, almost like song
Rubicia(the capital i think, maybe wrong??) - The crowd jostles and fights you, an endless stream of those who make their living in the capital.
Harvest Island - The crisp sound of orange leaves makes a song underneath your feet, an eternal autumn breeze seeping through the deserted islands.
Whispering Caverns - Even hundreds of years later, you swear you can smell the sweat and blood that once filled these mines.
Whispering Caverns(again) - Your footsteps echo endlessly against the endless mines, you can only hope no one hears them.
critique appreciated
I did not spell check these so apologies for that
Here are my critiques: Redwake — Although the hyphenated version of ‘faraway’ is correct as well, I think it would look better here without it since your hyphens usually indicate a new setting you’re describing. Harvest Island —
(1) I think ‘forms’ would be better than ‘makes’ in this context.
(2) There’s nothing wrong with ‘song,’ but if you want to get more descriptive you could use ‘cadence.’ This term is generally used in percussion arrangements, so I think it’d be better fitting for the sound of leaves.
(3) Right idea, but repetitive. “Your footsteps echo endlessly against the endless mines,” this uses two modifiers of the same word. Maybe ‘endlessly’ could be replaced with ‘indefinitely.’ Whispering Caverns — “you can swear you can” could do without the first ‘can.’
Praise:
(1) Your grammar is correct. It’s actually not very common to find someone here who does that, so I commend you for being knowledgeable in this area.
(2) Overall excellent imagery. It’s not too basic as to be boorish, but it’s also not overly complicated. It’s short and straight to the point, and although this wouldn’t give you a full image of what the area looks like, you become familiar with the “personality” of the islands.
Before I start talking about the good and bad, I had no idea they were called “flavor text”. I figured it was a just a little unnamed description. Learn something new everyday, but that’s cliché, so I guess every passing day makes you smarter.
I think you mean you mean something more like “…ferments the island’s air as wooden floorboards creak…” Personalizing the island’s wooden floor is just confusing to understand without the context of man-made structures. I think you can just say “far away” without the dash.
I think that works great.
Combined them since they’re the same place. The wild one works, but something about it makes it seem rushed. It feels too obvious. The town version is good. I would’ve said something like “As you traverse the sub-zero climate, you notice a bustling town nestled comfortably in the mountains” But, yours works.
I haven’t explored the other places yet, so I can’t fix their description, but fix “…you can swear you can…” to “…you swear you can…” (Whispering Caverns)
These flavor texts are a really interesting topic. Don’t be ashamed if they’re not perfect to other people, as long as you use proper grammar and correct spelling, it’s up to preference.