Heya there! Flem here!
Let me start off with encouraging that this topic stays respectful and that you do not start to insult- anyone straying off topic will be flagged.
You are more than open to ask questions- i will do my best to answer them in a timely and polite manner.
This topic may contain mentions of SA, homophobia, violence and a few other things- i will spoiler the paragraphs that contain such and will properly mark which belongs to where.
Anyway, lets get this started.
What is this about?
Lets get into this. I have seen that many forum users- regardless of if they are well or badmeaning or not- tend to unintentionally misunderstand asexuality or aromantics as sexual orientation- and i plan to answer some of said questions in here by using my own experiences and what i have learned over the years to maybe clear some of such up and potentially even change some impressions of both of these things in general.
For such, we need to discuss what asexuality means- and of course what aromantic means as well.
What is asexuality? What do you mean by aromantic?
Asexuality, as it is called, is a sexual orientation some people may identify with when they have a lack of or are not experiencing sexual attraction as a whole- at least as general term.
Truthfully, asexual people may still feel such or may even participate in intercourse- but this varies from person to person and heavily depends on their own boundaries and more.
Just because someone has intercourse does not mean they are no longer asexual- it is a label one may use to make themselves more comfortable in their body and maybe talk to people that feel similiar.
Aromantics are a bit different- here, we are talking about a lack of romantic attraction instead. Some aromantic people may preffer to not have a partner at all, some do but have very little romantic attraction in general- this too depends from person and is another label to sort oneself into a comfortable area, really.
Asexuality is often shortened to āAceā, Aromantics more so to āAroā in most cases- when one happens to identify with both, it is often called āaroaceā (a combination of both terms), meaning that the person may experience a lack of both sexual and romantical attraction.
This, of course, seems quite weird from a biological standpoint- after all, we are mammals, so we should have the drive to reproduce, right?
Truthfully though, this is no longer as needed as it may have been a long time ago- and with growing cultures and survivability rates of children, not everyone requires to do so anymore for the survival of the species- i personally do think that such has existed long before we entered any cultural norms and such people acted as caretakers for tribes or had an easier time doing tasks due to not having to worry about their own newborns- but that is merely a personal theory.
Now onto the less pretty topic- why some words may not be too good.
Asexuality and Aromantics in focus of homophobia
(This is spoilered due to topics of homophobia, violence, SA and more. Procced with caution.)
Now, with growing times, topics like homosexuality and more have gotten more known and accepted- by most, that is. Still, hatred for such is common- and for asexuality in specific, it may be quite subtle, but often has a very negative impact.
Asexuality- and aromantics- tend to go quite forgotten- i personally learned of the orientation when i was around 16~ ish, far later in my life than it should have been brought up, and it just kindaā¦ clicked.
This is often due to both orientations not really being seen as part of being queer- homophobia doesnāt just happen from outside the queer community, but also from the inside.
Often, the argument happens to be āYou just havent found the right one yetā or āYour just confusedā- and not only is thatā¦ quite harmful due to simply dismissing ones feelings and preferences, no, it may escalate some time too.
Sexual assault is a topic i do not like to discuss- but i have been threathened with it before just for being ace.
āYou wouldnāt be asexual if youād just have a good fuck.ā
I would still be.
SA to āchange ones orientationā happens more often than it should- not just to asexuals or aromantics- and it is never, and i mean it, never justified.
It does not matter if the victim āwas just confused and that needed to be changedā, it does not matter if they were āasking for itā- YOU DO NOT TOUCH ANOTHER WITHOUT PERMISSION. EVER. BURN IN HELL IF YOU DO.
Then, there is the violence- the attempt to justify beating someone nearly to death just because they are different- something that still happens on a daily.
It is not on anyone but the person themselves to decide if their label is warranted or not.
Some people may also identify as ace- or aro- due to personal experiences and traumas- and it is truthfully noones business to question if they are truly ace or not.
As finishing of this topic, i would like a call for action- if you have relatives or friends that happen ro be ace or hell, queer of any manner and notice that they are being harassed or threathened about it, please talk out about it. Call the perpretators out.
A small gesture goes a long way and it is better than having to deal with suddendly losing them.
Remember to tell the people you like that you actually do- hell, tell your friends you love and appreciate them, it goes a long way.
