Fragmented World Chapter 1

A conflict waiting to arise in the mist of peace

Dacter sat down on near a small pond on Mount Seawatch. Orange roofed houses could be seen on Mount Seawatch. He was in a secluded location where anybody visited.
Corrosive Shot! Dacter quietly yelled trying to shoot a blast.
“ Why isn’t it working?” If I did it once I can surely do it again!
Struggling? A male voice called from
the concreted stairs.
A human figure emerged which turned out to be Axon.
“What are you doing here? Dacter asked.
“I heard a voice up here,you aren’t very quiet you know.” Axon replied.
Axon was slightly taller then Dacter with a skinnier build. His hair was blonde with him having brown eyes as well.
“How about we just get lunch,Axon asked.
The sky darkened with a storm probably coming in later in the day.

Axon led him to a busy street with crowds of people going to various places.
“Now we aren’t in a crowded area,Axon told Dacter.
They followed a brown path before Axon pointed to a large building. It had words on it spelling “Seawatch Tavern”.
They both entered the hub. Furs from various animals were hanged on a window blocking the view. They approached the counter.
“What may I get for you,gentlemen. The voice came from a short man wearing a hat.
“Turkey-cheese sandwich? Axon replied.
“Right away,the short man replied and scurried into the kitchen.
Axon and Dacter located a empty table where they sat at. The other customers at the tavern gave dirty glances to one another.

Red fur,Datcher said. Probably from a fox of some sort,Axon answered. Several minutes later, the short man returned with 2 large meaty and melty cheese sandwiches.
Crowns? The short man asked putting
his hand up.
I’ll pay,Axon told Dacter. He scurried through his pockets. Empty. Dacter,you
got anything? Dacter went through his pockets and hold up 4 crowns. He gave it to the short man.
“Your a real lifesaver,Axon said.
Will you help develop my magic,Dacter asked.
“There are books at the library,Axon said,how many times do I have to tell you this?
“The library books aren’t helping.
“It’s not my problem,Axon said,find yourself a tutor or something.
Dacter took his first bite of the sandwich. The cheese was the best he ever tasted.
Soon the ground began to shake as they were eating. Glass began to slide off of tables and break.
“What the hell was that,a customer asked. No idea,another voice replied.

After a couple minutes of silence the ground shook again more destructively then last time. Tables began to tip and the walls had cracks inside of them.
Ice emerged from the cracks on the walls and began to spread like a wildfire.
“Everyone to the kitchen!
The short man rushed everyone towards the kitchen. The kitchen was full of confused chefs and cooks. Utensils were all over the room. Some plates and bowls were cracked or completely destroyed.

“What happened Leo,a chef asked. I honestly have no clue. Fists started banging on the door followed by a sound of a explosion from outside of the tavern.
“This doesn’t look so good,Axon said worriedly.
There’s a slide that will lead everyone to safety,follow me closely,Leo told them. This slide was built for things like this. Enough for 3-4 people at a time. People began entering the slide.
“Our turn, Axon said. Two others were on the slide with them as they all slid down the yellow slide. After getting out a horrific scene emerged. Fires ravaged buildings,people were pinned by fires with nowhere else to go.

“Razor! A voice yelled shooting glass projectiles at both Dactor and Axon.
More Magic Council soldiers finally arrived and started combating the glass magic user. The area became a battlefield in minutes. A iron magic projectile was making its way to Dacter.
“Corro- Corrosive Shot! Dacter yelled creating a acid projectile.
“Damn you! A male voice screamed.
“Dacter you did it,Axon said awarding him a high five. Five more magic users appeared and starting attacking the Magic Council soldiers.
“This isn’t your fight,a magic council soldier said.”
“We have to do something,Axon replied. This place is becoming a bloodbath.
The brown path they were all standing on housed dead bodies and lots of blood.
“This is not over,it’s only the beginning! A voice yelled.
The Magic Council closed the part of the town for a unknown amount of time
to clear the dead or wounded bodies. Medics and healers arrived while many were searching for survivors in the burned or collapsed buildings.
“Can we head to your place,Dacter asked.”

give feedback please

Please, if your going to start writing again , prioritize quality over quantity. You used to pump out a new chapter every day and a new series every month and all of them were shat. Proofread and put at least a couple days into each piece

I get it, we all have lots of creative ideas we want other people to see. But you need to spend time refining and proofreading if you want people to read it

Here’s my criticism.

Your actual story is fine, and a lot better from your other series. But you still haven’t fixed the countless grammar and formatting mistakes.

There’s a lot of quotation marks that are left unfinished, and you need to press the spacebar after a comma.

Just fixing those will make the paragraphs easier to read and appealing to the eye as well.

Thank you :nod:

fix the damn quotations