Have you considered that you might be possessed by a foul spirit that may only be exorcised and banished if you remind yourself of your humanity and find in your past a reason to push into the future?
chase after what makes you happy because even if you never catch up youâll find that despite your failure along the way you found happiness anyway or alternatively kill yourself
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From my experience, a majority of depression comes from having a day-to-day that you hate, since I was depressed until I tried femininity.
Even if you feel like youâre used to it, being used to things that suck doesnât make them not suck.
Sometimes you canât simply change your circumstances, but I find that it helps to be very vocal about how much you dislike it, even if the people around you donât agree.
I often found myself being unable to find the point in most of the activities I do, knowing that it is a temporary, fleeting thing with an infinitesimal presence that lies in the vast expanse of space. So then I began asking myself âwhy not?â
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temporaliy? Human flesh and drugs. Pernamently? Not sure, I just exist 
how about everything besides the latter
if i knew what made me happy i wouldnt be askingâŚ
Sail the void
everyone will, one day, there is no reason to rush. every start has an end, i simply have to
wait.
ive considered that myself
hmmmmmm
nah
watching people argueing and ragebaiting others is very entertaining 
also, lots of cool arts
impermanent materials will not fulfil my hollowed heart. momentarily mayhap, perhaps, indeed, yet i do not wish for that form of fulfilment.
as do i. as do we.
that is my current modus operandi, yes, weighing the pros and cons, to answer not âwhy?â but âwhy not?â
yet, that does not and will not fill my heart, for i would be merely letting myself be carried along by the currents, never finding a reason to take a course of my own choosing.
then again, perhaps that is enough.
it is a privilege, i think, to be allowed to choose at all, even if that choice is to let oneself merely drift along the flow.
many are not blessed with such choice, after all.
long has it passed since my heart last burnt with rage, i have come from viewing life with dread to simply indifferent, now
i do not wish for change, for i cannot envision a me that looks forward to tomorrow
i could win a lottery, become my perfect self, the ones that hurt me do so no longer, and i would still find it hard to believe that that âmeâ would wake up and think âim glad to be aliveâ
only in the name of others could i rouse myself to motion, and even then it is nothing but half-hearted attempts
i know well they wont be happy if they find out, yet even with that thought. perhapsmy love for them is hollow also
what used is yelling and crying if the only results youâll receive is a sore throat, reddened eyes and many a beating, the scornful gaze of another?
what use is trying to change, knowing for certain all progress you made will be undone by forces beyond your control in but a moment?
im tired, i wish only for an end
then again, i suppose, it doesnt matter, though, for if everything is meaningless, then my sufferings, sorrows and dreads, are nothing as well.
i will never love living, never love being alive. i will have to constantly chase after happiness. the only path i have forward is down, never up
thats fine. it doesnt matter
i can still run, walk and crawl, and i will do as such, if only for others. my happiness will always be fragile and fleeting, but they are there, as momentary and transient as they might be. if my hollow love is enough for them, then perhaps it is enough, regardless of what i may think - it is for them, after all, and not for me
its all that matters.
thank you, this has been most wonderful, these conversations we had.
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I struggle doing this but maybe try to do things even when I theory it wouldnât work (unless you already have). Itâs smth I struggle with when my friends introduce me to new games but I end up actually liking them sometimes (same for my friend. Itâs how j introduced them to their first rpg: Arcane Odyssey).
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its what i do, yes, a part of âwhy not?â philosophy
i have come to enjoy ttrpgs through it, so indeed your theory has its merit
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Seeing this makes me realize how young I am.
i⌠will put it on my to-do list
thank you for the suggestion
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im not sure how much is this will be relevant for you but you can try to adopt mindset of âi want to experienceâ it can be in a way of all experience or maybe specialized branch thing me personally i want to live on and experience stories,games etc and even if it all goes bad i think as long i keep doing it i will have strength to live on
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If we are doing game recommendations, try no manâs sky.
Its a standard survival rpg with base building elements, and more story than the average roblox games.
If there isnât really anything that would make you happy, then maybe instead you need to find something that simply makes you content.
Iâm not happy all the time, and there are plenty things that I am concerned about in my life. However, just being in a situation where I donât need to do anything, and can choose to do whatever I want (or nothing at all) is good enough for me.