Part I of Chapter I of my AO/WoM book

Please feel free to rate. Imo, it sucks for now. This is based on my real WoM/AO character. Some things here don’t exist in the AU but tbh most of the stuff in here is.

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Chapter I (What I have so far)

MAY 24

Okay, this has been complete chaos, so I’ll start from the beginning just to make you understand my story a bit more.

My name is Aditya Banks. I was born fifteen years ago to Adrianna and Adam Banks, who were noble people of my hometown, Ironport. We lived in a small house near the Salore Tavern. I had two sisters and one brother, and my sister, Ariana, who was the oldest, took responsibility of taking care of us. Why, you may ask? Well, it’s simple. My parents went to take a mission from this guy named Bernard Grey, and…you guessed it. They were killed fighting dark wizards just months after I turned fifteen. I got this news on April 1st. I heard a knock on my door, and my parents’ bodies were literally in caskets. I honestly can’t remember a time when I cried more. Ariana, I guess, took the news the hardest. She had felt closest to my parents more than everyone else.

So, now, we’re orphans. Good news is, we aren’t completely homeless, because in their last will and testament they left the house to Ariana. I was given my dad’s watch, and all his belongings. My other sister, Rae, and my brother, Austin, got a huge amount of Crowns from Mom and Dad. So, that’s how it was. Up until now.

Earlier, when I was walking in my town, I stumbled upon the Salore Tavern, the best Tavern in all of Magius. I decided to swing by, and I saw a bunch of people getting drunk on whatever the bartender gave him. I walked up to the bar.

“One drink, please,” I said.

“You don’t look like you’re in a good mood,” said the bartender. “What’s with the doom and gloom?”

“Oh, gee. What could possibly be bothering me aside from the fact that my parents died a couple weeks ago?”

“Oh, right. I remember that. They died fighting those son of a gun wizards.”

“Just get me a damn drink, man. I don’t wanna get into this small talk.”

“One drink.”

The bartender went to get me a drink, just when a buff-looking guy who was about twice my size barged in the tavern.

After two minutes, the bartender finally had my drink.

“There you go, sir,” said the bartender. “One drink.”

Just as he passed me the drink, he noticed the guy that was twice my size.

“Oh, crap,” he said.

“What’s the matter?” I asked.

“I owed him some Crowns. And I forgot to give it to him, I’m so stupid.”

“And why do you owe him Crowns?"

“Because, he was running low on funds, and since the tavern was a very rich business, he decided to blackmail me in order to get money.”

“He decided to blackmail you with what?”

“He said he would kill my family.”

“Been there.”

The buff and hairy guy ran toward the bartender.

“You,” he said. “Where’s my Crowns at?”

“Can I have an extra day, sir?” the bartender said.

“You signed a contract, swearing to give me those hundred crowns by today. Now hand it over.”

I realized it was time to help this bartender out.

“Listen, man,” I said. “I don’t know you, but I’m not afraid of you one bit. You’re gonna leave this man alone, and stop trying to blackmail people. Just take my Crowns and get out of here.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t do that,” said the man. “Aditya Banks.”

“How do you know my name?” I asked.

“Oh, let’s just say, I had some beef with Adriana and Adam.”

“Oh, you did not just say my parents’ names!”

“I didn’t just have beef with them.”

“Hold on…you’re the one that KILLED them!”

“Ding, ding ding!”

Everyone in the tavern gasped and I tried to punch him. He dodged it. I backed up and tried punching him again, but this punch would change my life forever. Fire came out and everyone in the tavern gasped.

“Is it true?” said someone.

“No way…” said someone else.

“You’re a fire wizard?” the bartender asked.

“Um…” I said. “I have to go.”

I ran away as fast as I could. At least fifty people found out that I was a wizard, and I didn’t know myself either. I ran home as fast as I could, but then I ran into a wall.

mAY 31

I woke up to the sound of people murmuring and whispering.

“Oh, great,” said a person. “You’re awake.”

“What happened?” I asked.

“You ran into a wall while running,” said the person. “Oh, I forgot. I’m Helena, by the way. Helena Water. You were in a coma for a week. Good to see you woke up.”


“You’re discharged. Don’t do anything dumb, okay?”


I walked back home to my siblings Austin, Ariana, and Rae staring at me like I was some sort of criminal.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Aditya?” asked Ariana.

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“What do you mean, what I’m talking about? Are you stupid?

“Ok, look, I had a crazy night at the bar, and I didn’t get drunk, okay? I’m not addicted.”

“We’re not talking about that. I’m talking about THIS.”

Ariana pulled out a newspaper. It read:

Aditya Banks, 15, has fire magic. Bandits and dark wizards discovered, now out to get him.

“Are you out of your mind?” asked Rae. “Why would you use your magic?”


I stormed out, furious at my sisters, and also furious at Austin who didn’t even have the decency to back me up. I’m telling you, none of this was my fault, but my sisters blamed me. I felt like my whole family hated me now, and I’m a borderline outcast.

As soon as I walked out my family’s house, I heard a shake. I had no idea what it was, so I decided to ignore it for now. But when I heard what sounded like an explosion, I knew something was up. It was near the mayor’s house, which apparently was on the other side of Ironport, but I still decided to go check it out. Apparently, they were dark wizards. They had cold dead eyes, no remorse for killing innocent people. The male dark wizards were wearing black robes and the female ones were wearing more of a brown color. Just when I saw them, the thought of my parents’ deaths flashed in my head. I saw innocent people being attacked, robbed, and much worse things that I honestly cannot put into words. They were much stronger than me, much tougher, and I was a fifteen-year-old dweeb. But I knew that I wouldn’t be much help just standing there like a statue.

Okay ,” I thought. “ Please let this work .”

I pointed my fist at a dark wizard with blonde hair, and I punched the air. Nothing came out. Then I remembered a week ago what happened at the bar. Since I haven’t learned to control my magic yet, I couldn’t use it at will. It would only work if I was in danger. This may seem crazy, but I actually have to get those dark wizards to try and kill me.

Hey, magic muck !” I shouted. “ You wanna kill us so bad, kill me first!

Finally ,” said a dark wizard. “ Some fresh meat.

Three dark wizards came after me. Someone shot purple liquid at me, someone else summoned explosions, and the third dark wizard tried throwing water at me. I remembered what my parents had taught me when I was a kid. Purple liquid meant the purple variant of acid. Summoning explosions meant you have explosion magic and water obviously meant water magic. I pointed my palm at one of the dark wizards, and the fire symbol actually came out. I struck, and he was hit. He got pushed back at least ten feet. I did the same things with the other ones. They were able to counter some of my blasts, but eventually, thanks to my intelligent strategizing, I was able to beat them.

You’re just a newbie! ” yelled a dark wizard! “ You can’t even control your magic!

“Yeah!” said another dark wizard. “How is it that you were able to beat us?”

“Hmmmmm,” I said. “I guess it’s because I actually have sanity and patience.”

“Whatever,” said the dark wizard who called me a newbie. “If we see you around here again, you’ll be joining your parents!”

I waved weakly at them, telling them I didn’t care about their threats.

I felt nervous returning home, so I just decided to leave town for a bit. I hopped off to Riverville, and along the way, I saw deserted bandit camps, homes of dead villains, and Magic Council camps. I reached Riverville, and it wasn’t much better than Ironport. People were still staring at me, whispering about me. The news had somehow spread much farther than my hometown. That was no good, and then, just when I started to get calm, the mayor of Riverville came outside and asked to see me. As if the citizens pointing and staring at me wasn’t bad enough, now the mayor!

“Listen, kid,” said the mayor of Riverville. “It’s nice that you’re a wizard and all, but I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences with dark wizards, so I don’t trust you quite yet.”

“And what do you want from me?” I asked.

“I know you and your kind are just a bunch of muck, so if I see you using your magic within Riverville, I will see to it that my bounty hunters will ensure your arrest immediately.”

“Seriously, man? That’s what you wanted to tell me? You almost make it seem like I want to live in this dump.”

“How dare ----why would you NOT want to live here?"

“Dude, I have a life back at Ironport. And if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be on my way. It was my displeasure meeting you.”

“Guaranteed when you’re of age, you’ll move here, Banks!”

I waved my hand at him like I did at the dark wizards, signifying that I did not care. I haven’t even been at Riverville a full day and I already had a bad feeling about it. I just decided to go home.

After a long trip home (not that long) I finally made it back to my house. Ariana, Rae, and Austin were all there. But this time, they weren’t looking at me like I was some sort of criminal. Instead, they were actually smiling at me.

“Wow, ya big idiot,” said Ariana. She gave me a hug which was weird considering the last time I saw her, she was pretty mad at me. “We’re famous. You made it on the front page of the Magius News!”

The news read:


Starter Wizard Aditya Banks was caught fighting three dark wizards at once. Civilians of Ironport said they have never seen such talent from a starter wizard. Keep up the good work, wizard!

“This is great news!” Austin said.

“Except for one tiny problem,” said Rae. “Aditya. This may be a bit difficult for you.”

Oh no, ” I thought. “ What’s next?

I was actually shaking in my head.

“Once you turn sixteen, you gotta move out of the house to start your training.”


I was freaking out, I didn’t know what to do.

“Sixteen?” I said frantically. That’s only four months from now! What the hell am I gonna do?”

“This is something to be happy about,” said Austin. “Haven’t you dreamt of being a wizard ever since you were a little kid?”

“That is true. But I don’t know if I’m ready. ”

“You’re more than ready. You took out three powerful dark wizards without any help at all. Besides, Mom and Dad would be proud. They would want you to carry on the wizard legacy.”

That persuaded me a little more. But right now, I was a little on edge, so I decided to go to sleep early that day, but then, I had the strangest but one of the most meaningful dreams I ever had. Let’s take a look inside.

Mom and Dad were with me again in my dream, and I didn’t know what to do. I was in my room.

Mom? ” I said. “ Dad? What are you doing here?

We are always with you, Aditya ,” said Mom. “ We can’t stay forever. We want to give you some advice before you turn sixteen .”

Look, " said Dad. “ I know it’s hard. But that’s just how change works. Of course at first, you’ll feel uncomfortable and nostalgic. But as time goes on, you’ll get used to your change and adapt to it. This is a really big thing in your life, kid. Not many kids your age get this opportunity. You’d make all of us proud by becoming a great wizard. But most of all, you’d be proud of yourself. Not just for being a wizard, but having the courage to take a big step and change your life.

“Thanks, Dad. I miss you.”

I am always here for advice.

He gave me a hug, like he always used to give me when I was a kid.

“Wait,” I said. “What are you doing here?”

This is my house ,” said Dad confusingly.

“No, I mean. You died.”

Oh, that? Just because I died doesn’t mean I’m not here.

I woke up after that, and it was still dark outside. I didn’t know how I even had the dream, but I decided to just go with it. I decided to get up early and suck the news up. It was not easy to hold back all my sadness.


Yeah, hell is on its way to grasp me. I got a letter, it read this.

Dear Aditya Banks,

I assume you are aware that today is the day you begin your training to become a master wizard. The Magic Council will be at your residence at about 6:00 this evening. Below the letter are the required items to bring on your transfer from Ironport to Riverville.

  • Clothes
  • Belongings
  • Anything parents left you in will/testament

Food and drinks are not required since they will be given to you when you are taken to Riverville. Happy birthday, by the way! Sixteen is a big milestone!

Okay, calm down, I thought. Everything will be fine. Just suck it up. You’ve always dreamt of this as a kid. You’ll do good.

I was sitting in my room until my two sisters and brother came in.

“You’re supposed to knock,” I said weakly.

“Yeah…okay,” said Ariana.

“What do you want?”

“Uh, we just wanted to say we’ll miss you.”

“Yeah, thanks. I leave in an hour so say your goodbyes quick.”

“Also, happy birthday.”

Ariana gave me a hug and I kind of needed it.

“Thanks, Ari.” I said.

“No problem.” said Ariana. “We’ll write to you every day, promise.”

Continuing in Part II

he 15 and drinking? something ain’t right

It’s fine, the date thing is sort of weird though, you don’t have to include that lol. Also, the exposition at the front was a bit annoying ig. Also hard to parse dialogue in some places. Idk ask Danny for actual advice (I am fully incompetent)

haha yeah :sunglasses:

historically accurate :sunglasses:

there’s a lot to improve here, but i don’t blame you. i’m not the best with advice but i consider myself an okay writer, so i’ll give you this bit of advice about your dialogue


to put it bluntly, your dialogue isnt very good. the wording choice in places is off but most importantly, there is very little emotion put into it. as an example, i’ll dissect this excerpt

the main problem in this excerpt (and with a lot of the dialogue in the story) is that it lacks the show, don’t tell rule. basically, you SAY he’s freaking out and speaking frantically, but his dialogue comes off as relatively calm and speaking normally. you gotta make the dialogue show that he’s actually speaking in that way, which would improve the story a lot. a revised version of that excerpt would be:

“S-Sixteen?! That’s… That’s only four months from now!! What the hell do am I going to do?!”

“Shouldn’t you be happy about this, Aditya? When we were younger, you always dreamed of becoming a wizard and exploring Magius!” Austin responded.

“That’s… You’re right… But at only sixteen…? I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of responsibility yet…”

“You’re more than ready, Aditya! Didn’t you take out three strong dark wizards on your own? You’ve shown that you at least have the basics of combat down with that alone! Besides… I think our parents would want you to continue their legacy…”

i wrote in my own style, but you get the point of it, i hope. instead of just telling the reader that he spoke frantically, i showed through the dialogue that he was bewildered by the sudden responsibility thrust upon him, and in that he was unsure about the whole thing. this type of thing could be implemented through the whole thing, and make it much easier to read.

hope this was all understandable, and i hope to see your stuff improve.


copyright ez

yo thx for the feedback i rlly appreciate it

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if Vetex saw this right now hed be insulted lol which i hope doesnt happen

The game is set furthur back in time when 15 was considered adult.