The Flare | Chapter 1 - Part 1 |

Everyone is a hero, you may not see it from a homeless man living with rags and sticks or a lady in an abusive relationship, but there is always something in them that keeps them alive…The drive to fight on through the difficulties of their life and find the path lit up for them.

Now for introductions! My name is Percy Calding, I was born in the town of Summerhold and things are going well, top of my classes, wonderful parents and friends with many great classmates, but the thing that has my jaw opened to the floor is Amy Drake…i knew she already has feelings for another boy…but…oh well.

I have been studying the arts of potion making, just something about creating different Concoctions that can boost a normal human or wizards’ performance always interested me, there are also studies into creating ways to create artificial magic throughout them, that can gift magicless people like me, the power we always dreamed for.

And now i study and wait home for a special event tonight, as the greatest potion-maker in Magius will visit the auditorium within Summerhold to show us his revolutionary project

“Hey Perce!”
His father and mother, Frank and Ruby Calding entered his room

“Oh, hey you two, you’re here early!”
Percy would hug his parents.

“Looking forward to that Auditorium with that old man again, Huh?”
Father laughed.

“He isn’t just an old man, he’s the greatest alchemist in the world, he’s…he’s my idol.”
Percy replied.

“I thought i was Perce…”
His dad raised an eyebrow with a faint smile.

“I didn’t mean it like-”
Percy tried rephrasing.

“Oh, i’m just kidding, i know i am!”
They both smiled as his dad brushed his hair before leaving his room.

-Two Hours Later | Summerhold-

The bright sky shines upon the streets of a Kingdom called Summerhold as kids run past the path walks towards a building flooded with people

“There’s no way the greatest alchemist in the world is visiting our auditorium to announce his newest project!”
A red-haired boy named Danny spoke to his friends as he sat down to watch the master of brewing enter the room.

Just then, Derius Graves entered the room, he wore the finest black suit, neat dark-grey hair and crystal blue eyes as the whole crowd cheered.

“I am thankful you can all join me today, for now, i want to show you my greatest research yet!”
Derius spoke to the crowded room, the entire room filled with people to the point people sat on the ground due to the lack of chairs.

-Percy Calding’s room-

“ZzZzZzZz…”
Percy was fast asleep on his chair, a dripple of salvia drooped onto his study book.

A loud thunderstorm echoed throughout the grey sky as Percy woke up.

“AH! …what a minute what is the-”
Percy looked out his window to see the Auditorium building surrounded by people.

“Dinner will be on the dinner when you come back.”
Mother spoke as she watched Percy speed out the house.

Percy raced outside his house taking his book and quill with him to write everything Mr. Graves had to say and announce.

“Yes, of course that combination of ingredients would create a potion that can greatly enhance a user’s magic power for a short time, which is relating to the main topic of discussion.”
Mr. Graves waved his hand outwards to his right as two assistants carrying some sort of object covered in a sheet of dark cloth.

“I want to introduce to you all the Arcane-Meliorator, A.M.R for short.”
Mr. Graves removed the cloth off to reveal a totem made of a refined stone, roughly the same height as an average human with a glowing white rune in the center of it.

“After some expert-crafting and by the use of magic and brewing alike, we created this totem that can help increase the little magic found within magicless humans and increase to the point of baring magic”
Mr. Graves spoke to the audience, the blinding white light almost hypnotizing the citizens with amazement.

The thunderstorm continued growing louder and louder, as Percy stood outside desperately waiting to enter.

“I’m sorry everyone, the building has reached maximum occupancy!”
A Magic Council Guard stood infront of the door surrounded by many disappointed townsfolk

“Uagh, i was too late…”
Percy looked down in disbelief before looking at Amy Drake, a girl from his potion study class.

Percy’s heart began racing and walked towards her, however, quietly said no to himself and walked away.

“Hey, Percy, is it?”
Amy touched his shoulder, his face growing bright red.

“Oh, Amy, i had no idea you were interested in Derius Graves.”
Percy smiled as they both began talking.

-Meanwhile-

“Now folks, i have a couple of volunteers who would-”
Derius was caught off by the furious Thunderstorm.

And then, a lightning bolt burst through the ceiling of the building and clashed down onto the totem, causing not only for it to activate, but to also malfunction.

Derius stood there, as the Totem began releasing a beam straight into the sky and went into the clouds and after a moment of silence, the clouds began raining down multiple-colored blasts of magic down all over Magius.

“…What was that?”
Percy looked up into the air.

“Take cover!”
The Magic Council guards yelled at the citizens to take cover.

Percy ran under a building; however, Amy wasn’t behind him. He saw Amy helping an injured man out of ruble that fell of him. Percy ran over to quickly help the man free.

“Bless you kids, Bless you.”
The injured men limped over under a building.

Just then, Percy looked up into the sky as a magic blast was about to struck Amy.

“NOOO!!”
Percy yelled in fear, sprinting towards her, pushing her out the way as the blast hit him.

Percy would be knocked through a window and knocked unconscious.

“Percy…Percy…PERCY!”
Amy’s beautiful voice would fade away as his vision went to black, with a small spark of magic coming off his hand.

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While waiting for Arcane Odyssy to arrive, i thought I’d write a series about a heroic figure in Magius named “Flare” who received his powers from a magical totem and with his newfound powers, brings order and justice to Magius

Planned to be just a one-off series, may get sequels if it performs well.

Thanks for reading!

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I’ll do critique once I get to computer
Nice to see new writers tho

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oops im late
remember that the reason this seems so harsh is becausse im basically nitpicking everything remotely bad about the story

I know you’ve probably heard this advice a dozen times but, show, don’t tell
“Everyone can be hero, even the ragged man on the street, eating the scraps out of the trash”
note that everyone has differnt writing styles but that’s how i write it

Maybe you could imply more that he was the one looking into them?
also the sentance is a bit of a run on

You switched from past tense to present tense
it might also be good to describe his feelings of excitment,(or dread, it’s your character, I don’t know how they feel)

We already knows it’s called summerhold, just say, “The sun shined brightly on the streets Summerhold”

Isn’t summerhold a fairly big city? The sentence also goes on a bit longer then it needs to be
“I can’t believe Derius himself is coming to our auditorium”
Also I’m guessing you avoided using his name becuase you didn’t come up with it until later, I would recommend going back to fix those places in the future

Went back and noticed that it switched to future tense

we already know their taking cover
“The Magic council guard yelled frantically as the building was enveloped in a blinding light”

better then my first story but still some places where it needs to improve

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