Before I begin, I would like to clarify that I don’t usually come forward with stuff like this, but I am doing so in hopes that some people who may of been in a similar situation as me can see this and learn how to free themselves. I will not be giving any extra information regarding anybody because I respect their privacy and only wish to give my own story, not to cast any hate nor blame on them.
To begin, I should give some context
I met this girl around August of last year, and we were both in pretty bad times in our lives. We met through mutuals and instantly hit it off and became really close, probably too close in such a short period now that I look back on it in retrospect. Most of the fault around this time is completely on me for being ignorant and stupid and only wanting someone to pour all of my affection and attention into.
Before this, I was mostly cruising along life (I believe I was around 16 or 17 and had never once thought of being in a relationship, I was instead just enjoying life. This isn’t to say I wasn’t involved in any romanticism though, because there were definitely a few people who likely would of been considered partners to me but I was too foolish to see this and know what to do). Anyway this was the first time in my life that I had felt love, but with love comes envy and jealousy.
The girl in question had some severe depression when we first met and would constantly be in either a bad mood or a neutral one, never once being happy. This would lead to weeks where she would distance herself from her online socials, which I was fine with because it was the space she needed.
During one of these week-long breaks, it turns out that a member in the group-chat we were part of had been secretly dming her throughout the week and she was actually not distancing herself at all, just appearing so. They chatted a lot and during her this low period she got together with this other member. They initially kept the relationship a secret because, well, this girl was very popular in our little group chat and they didn’t want to break anyone’s hearts.
Clearly, that didnt last forever because I know of it. They let it slip one day and people kind of lost their shit (angsty teenage years I guess). I was fine about the reveal because a different member of the group had actually asked me out and I was extremely happy to be in my first official relationship. The group-chat (which was made by said girl), however, was deleted and everyone went their separate ways. I, being foolish, tried to keep in contact with everybody because during the groupchat were some very fun days and I wasn’t ready for those to end, however not everybody can be pleased. I can’t go into too much detail but many of the original people I had to end up parting ways/blocking because of their constant negativity mostly surrounding her. And my own relationship had ended on friendly terms after 32 hours (we’re still friends and she has been helping me cope, thank you!) and she (my ex) eventually disappeared for a therapy for a year (which she’s returned from this december) which left me with just the original girl and her partner.
After that whole ordeal/fiasco, I stayed with her as a friend and made sure that I was a shoulder for her whenever she felt down. I wasn’t too pleased at the secret relationship but I didn’t want to upset her nor her partner. Sometimes it was difficult to keep my jealousy hidden because they were very public with their affection, which if anyone has experienced they know it absolutely sucks to be in that sort of situation. Anyway nothing much really happened for a few months other than a few break-downs between me and her that we eventually mended.
Around January of this year, I had met a different girl who was also extremely kind and I immediately fell for her. Issue was, she too, was in a relationship (so now I had 2 crushes on girls already in relationships, it was super duper fun trust). Luckily (or unluckily depending on the person) the January girl had broken up with her girlfriend a few weeks after we met and not long after that the original girl got broken up with her girlfriend as well. I became really close with both of them and eventually told them about each other because I didn’t want any jealousy to form since I couldn’t spend time with both of them at once (no I was not dating them both, we were still just friends, maybe friends with benefits at best). This however, led to them eventually falling for each other (who wouldve guessed putting two desperate fresh-out-of-relationship lesbians together would result in that!! 
)
It didn’t bother me too much because I had still gotten close to both of them and they were much more open with their relationship so I still got attention from both of them from time to time, however just like the rest of this story this entire year has had big ups and downs for me. They eventually found a third girl and both flocked to her over me instantly, leaving me with severe lack of confidence and poor self regard. It was like that for a few months, we’d still play from time to time but much less. I had convinced myself that it was just because the third was a girl and I wasn’t, rather than looking inward at my own poor qualities.
After a few months of this, the third girl eventually went fairly inactive (only on once a week or so), and things got slightly better for me but I still had big arguments with the original girl and we had blocked each other and friended each other back with apologies multiple times (most of which were me getting upset over small things and her not putting up with my bullshit)
Eventually, a second guy had made his way into the little group dynamic, and January girl had taken more of a liking toward him than me (likely because they shared similar interests), so I just kind of stayed to be close with original girl. I’m probably missing a few details but I’ll just skip to the incident that had happened on the 22nd (yesterday).
We had started a modded Minecraft world with us 4 and were making smooth progress, I was helping everyone with the things they wanted to do because that’s just the kind of person I am. Despite not asking for anything in return, deep down I really did want more attention and affection which is why I was trying so hard (Which has been a recurring theme throughout this entire year of trauma). While I was out doing miscellaneous tasks, the original girl and the other guy that had joined in were jokingly flirting at the base, and that had just crushed ounce of pride I had remaining. I could no longer hide behind the whole “They don’t want to get close to me because I’m a boy” coping strategy that I had previously developed, because, well, he’s a guy too. So, I left the server and when she questioned me I just responded with a rolling eyes emoji. She knew what the issue was (because this had happened numerous times before) and immediately called me out on it but I instead just deflected and made up some lie to get her off my back.
I didn’t feel too good about lying, but I was upset and didn’t want her to mock me again for something she found so trivial, so I began ranting to my ex (who like I mentioned previously had recently returned around the start of december), and my ex suggested that I just leave the whole group for my own sake.
I confronted original girl and called her out on her own bullshit and eventually gave the ultimatum that either she needs to put more effort into the relationship or I’ll leave, and she dropped the bomb that over 100 thousand messages, 500 days, thousands of hours ingame and in vc, that she really didn’t care whether I stayed or left.
Needless to say, I wished her well and left her then and there. And it hurt. It hurt a lot. Even now, after having gone through all 5 stages of grief in the short 12 hour period since then, it still stings that she just didn’t care. But, I am starting on my journey to healing and rediscovering who I am. I’m doing a bit better now and I forgive her for the time, money, and effort she took from me. Not for her sake, but for my own.
Thank you for whoever reads this, like I said my main goal with my story was to inform/teach people who may be stuck in similar situations. Don’t be afraid to leave. It is going to hurt, it always does, but nothing can hurt more than the constant pain of being in a toxic relationship. I left many details out so this is in no way the full story, but this is a summarized journey of the last year and a half and what I’ve been dealing with. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t regret my choice a slight bit, but I know it was the best choice for me and I wish the remaining three of them well in their future lives. Feel free to ask any questions if you’d like, and I’ll try to answer them to the best of my memory.
