That day, it was truly a day.
Carlos woke up that morning, feeling quite cheerful. He got up, took a shower, brushed his teeth, and even took the time to shave his non existent beard. He put on his working clothes, went downstairs and listened to the morning podcast.
“Morning, this is Channel 85 12 16 21 19, and this is your host, Ballingon Deezits. Today you can expect a slight meteor shower, followed by magma rain. The temperatures for today will be somewhere from 0 degrees Celsius and 1,002 degrees Fahrenheit. Thats all for today folks, now your daily Sports news.”, said Ballingon Deezits.
“Thanks, Ballingon. I’m your sports host, Canipumi Bawsinyojawz, and I’m here to talk about why sports is the best thing in the whole world. SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS , SPORTS, I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS, I HAVE YOUR IP ADRESS. Thats all for your-”, said Canipumi Bawsinyojawz, as Carlos turned off the radio. He only ever stayed on enough to listen to the weather news, as if he were to listen to the radio for too long he could get sucked into the Backrooms.
Carlos put on his coat, and drove his car to his place of work.
On the way to work, Carlos saw these things.
A guy getting kidnapped by a clown in a van.
Kaiju monsters doing kung fu in order to defeat each other.
Bigger Kaiju monsters duking it out with fire breath, causing extreme earth quakes.
People giving other people Sunny D.
“Just your average day in Ohio.”, said Carlos.
Carlos worked at one of those scummy YT bot headquarters, and his job was coming up with creative comments to make people think that the bot isn’t a bot. His job is 9-5.
After Carlos was done ruining peoples lives, his boss stopped him before he could leave.
“Hey. Where do you think your going?”, said Mia, Carlos’ boss.
“Uhh, I’m going home?”, said Carlos.
“NO, your not. You have to make me a sandwich. And go to star bucks and get me a coffee too, I’m kind of tired.”, said Mia.
After Carlos finished 7-Page Muda barraging his boss, he went into his non existent car.
…Wait. That can’t be right. Carlos checked the car he was sitting in, only to find that his car NO LONGER EXISTED! It was at this moment when someone made Carlos hit the griddy and knocked him out.
Carlos woke up in an ally way, surrounding by Devious Ahh looking creatures.
“Well, it was a good run.”, said Carlos. It was at this moment when a Gaia Dwelling Pebble User Shinobi appeared from the Depths of Hell itself and saved Carlos.
“gg ez no re mald harder”, said the Gaia Dwelling Pebble Using Shinobi. Then, the Shinobi took out its Tanto and tried to stab Carlos, however Carlos quickly dodged it and found a dodgeball inside of a nearby trash can.
“What’s a conveniently placed weapon of mass destruction doing here?”, said Carlos.
“You will never be balling.”, said the Shinobi.
“No, but he can.”, said Carlos as he did a Naruto handsign and summoned the god of all balls, Baller. Baller then took the dodgeball and threw it at the Shinobi, sending him to the shadow realm.
“Thank you sir!”, said Carlos.
“You might wanna run.”, said Baller. Carlos, confused, looked around and tried to find reason for why he might say that. It was at this moment when 5 horizontally spinning rats apparated from the ground and started aggressively horizontally spinning at him.
“Your on your own, kid.”, said Baller.
As Carlos ran for his life, he jumped out of the alley way and into the street. He noticed that the street he took to go back home looked significantly different.
Before he could list all the things that were different, the horizontally spinning rats horizontally spun on his balls and sent him to Brazil.
It was at this moment that Carlos heard a Shotgun noise, and was saved by the man himself, Doom Slayer. The horizontally spinning rats were horizontally killed by the Doom Slayer, horizontally.
“Thank you sir!”, said Carlos.
“No problem. Hey, have you seen this dog? She’s pretty dangerous, and I don’t want to lose sight of her…”, said Doom Slayer as he showed Carlos a picture of a small anthropomorphic dog wearing a green vest and a white inside shirt, and a head that looked like it could eat its own body. The dog was pretty cute, though.
“Sorry, I haven’t.”, said Carlos.
The Doom Slayer was teleporting away when Carlos heard a nearby scream.
“HELP ME!!!”, said the nearby scream.
Carlos had been in Ohio long enough to never trust nearby screams, but he noticed that the scream sounded familiar…
“Ballingon Deezits? Is that you?!”, said Carlos.
“YES, ITS ME! QUICKLY TAKE THE LIGHT SABER INSIDE OF THAT TRASHCAN OVER THERE AND SAVE ME!”, said Ballingon Deezits.
Carlos obediently took the light saber, and followed the area where he heard Ballingon scream. Remember those giant Kaiju monsters that were causing those earth quakes? Well, Ballingon was currently being held upside down by one of them, suspensefully and slowly about to be swallowed whole.
Suddenly, something primal formed inside of Carlos. A legendary, primal emotion. Carlos instantaneously cut of the head of every one of the Kaiju monsters in one fell sweep. Then, he chopped of the hand of the Kaiju that was holding Ballingon.
“Mr. Deezits, are you okay?”, said Carlos.
“You idiot, does it look like I’m okay?”, said Ballingon Deezits. “Look, I’ve got to regroup with my partner, Canipumi Bawsinyojawz, he’s somewhere near the beach. We’ve gathered a bunch of resources. Quickly come with me!”, said Ballingon.
“But, sir…”, said Carlos.
“KID, DOES IT LOOK LIKE WE HAVE TIME FOR THIS? WE HAVE TO GO SOON BEFORE THE R63 AND THE R34 COME OUT! AND WHEN THOSE COME, WE’LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE NIGHT FURRIES!”, said Ballingon Deezits.
Carlos and Ballingon ran to the beach, leaving the Kaiju who was missing a hand behind.
Meanwhile, something catastrophic was arriving to Ohio.
The Priest walked among the rubble. Fires brewing everywhere, children crying.
“Just your average day in Ohio.”, said the Priest. He was here for a purpose. But what?
It was at this moment when he laid his eyes upon a truly most HORRIFYING image.
Exiled…X…Minotaur…
“What in heavens name… no… NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”, said the Priest.
“This is it. This is why I was brought here.”, said the Priest. “I will smite every piece of trash on this planet to an ATOMIC level.”
“Made….In…Ohio”
As Carlos and Ballingon Deezits arrived at the beach, Ballingon and Canipumi geared up.
“Uh, guys, do you see that?”, said Carlos.
“See what?”, said Canipumi.
“Its going from night and day pretty fast.”, said Carlos.
“Average Ohio occurrence. We’re weathermen, we know almost every bizarre thing that could possibly happen here.”, said Ballingon.
“Say, I don’t remember asking for your name. So, what’s your name?”, said Ballingon.
“Oh, I’m Carlos. I moved here from Florida because my friends said it was better.”, answered Carlos.
Then, suddenly, the Priest appeared. And disappeared. And appeared again. This repeated multiple times.
“What… the… fu-”
