How to get bitches

Do you play games for 12-24 hours a day?

yes

Have you forgotten the smell and colour of grass?

again, yes

Do any attempts at touching it damage your body?

clearly

Are all females gravitating away from you?

yes

And finally, the most important question:
Are ayou a fatass?

guess.

Because youre trusting some random ass dude, i think we can guess the answers.

YOUR PROBLEM

Your disease is known as, anti-bitchitis.
It is a very deadly disease that targets men like you(LoL players). It can cause symptoms such as:

  • All women rejecting you
  • Your father leaving you
  • A sudden interest in OnlyFans , Pokimane and fedoras
  • An increasing attraction to minors
  • A crippiling fast food addiciton
  • Increased horniness
  • A shower allergy

That sounds nasty, right? You definetly dont want that. But if youre currently suffering from this disease, to cure it you should:

THE CURE

  • Do some exercise
  • Quit paying women your life savings so that they notice you
  • Delete the YouTube Kids app
  • Quit League Of Legends
  • Shower
  • Hop off League of Legends
  • Quit your Discord Moderator “job”
  • Talk to real, adult women instead of you discord kittens and your Ai girlfriends

And finally when youre well enough: TOUCH GRASS

That should cover it. I hope that this informative guide has helped you prevent or cure this deadly disease. That will be all.

16 Likes

You gotta draw mino x exiled art to get bitches

2 Likes

Unfortunatley, research proves that drawing mino x exiled art repels bitches. Sorry

1 Like

Your research should be reviewed for its falsifications

I don’t have league of legends or genshin impact. I don’t have onlyfans. I do exercise. I don’t have a fedora (I have a jacket+hood) I showered yesterday. I weigh less than 150 kg

All the girls that hang out with me are trans or lesbian only one is straight (I think). Also thye hang out with me because I’m the Dungeon Master of our D&D campaign.

5 Likes

Dear Mr. Tophat,

Hello professor, I am a student who has been following this guide for quite a while now and I have posted this here to document my results.

After reading this guide, I have decided to drop Arcane Odyssey altogether. It has been a month now since I stopped playing, every time my clan mates ping me to help them in a guild war, I decline. It is a small price to pay for the bitches you know?

Apart from that I have been taking daily showers, something that used to be impossible for me is now part of my daily routine, and hygiene-wise taking care of myself has been great, it feels amazing not sitting in my chair 24/7 killing King Calvus for the 100th time!

However, despite all of these efforts to get the legendary “bitches” you speak of, I have yet to even get one! I tried asking out a woman yesterday and blurted out my signature pickup line: “TRADING KAI SABRE DM OFFERS”, she ran away screaming!

Am I doing something wrong? I need help with this.

9 Likes

Im only 105 pounds and I play AO all day

:skull:

weightless goofball

I apologize for not mentioning this but you might also need rizz(at least, for now) Recently cured sufferes of anti-bitch odour may still experience difficulty getting bitches.

fun fact i actually used to have an interest in fedoras
mainly because of the Burning Flames Killer Exclusive from TF2 but still

luckily i am now interested in fezzes
which gives me the same amount of problems because i don’t watch dr who

also unintentional necropost
sorry

Love the way you wrote this. The pickup line was the best part no doubt.

I really need to gain weight :frowning_face:

(I am an athletic swimmer who is desperately trying to bulk up)

Nah man i play arcane odyssey 4 hours thats my limit and sometimes i can’t play 1 hour so i am good
But i still can’t get bitches :frowning:

interesting research you have there, why dont you back it up with a source?

I don’t got any weight
I’m equivalent to a chopstick dawg

eat more pls

you weight even less than me somehow

My source is that i made it the fuck up

Still sounds like a win to me.

what the hell is this guide

:man_shrugging:

yea none of that would work on a female

said by a female (me)