How to get bitches

Guides and Tutorials Miscellaneous Guides
1

Do you play games for 12-24 hours a day?

yes

Have you forgotten the smell and colour of grass?

again, yes

Do any attempts at touching it damage your body?

clearly

Are all females gravitating away from you?

yes

And finally, the most important question:
Are ayou a fatass?

guess.

If you’re really trusting my ass, i think we can guess the answer.

YOUR PROBLEM

Your disease is known as, anti-bitchitis.
It is a very deadly disease that targets men like you(LoL players). It can cause symptoms such as:

  • An increased ability to scare all women away
  • The ability to scare your father away too
  • A sudden interest in OnlyFans , Pokimane and Fedoras
  • An increasing attraction to minors
  • A crippling fast food addiction
  • Increased horniness
  • A shower allergy
  • Crippling Discord Addiction(especially if you’re a moderator)

That sounds nasty, right? You definetly dont want that. But if youre currently suffering from this disease, to cure it you should:

THE CURE

  • Do some exercise
  • Quit paying women your life savings so that they notice you
  • Delete the YouTube Kids app
  • Quit League Of Legends
  • Shower
  • Hop off League of Legends
  • Quit your Discord Moderator “job”
  • Talk to real, adult women instead of you discord kittens and your AI girlfriends

And finally when youre well enough: TOUCH GRASS

That should cover it. I hope that this informative guide has helped you prevent or cure this deadly disease. That will be all.

19 Likes
2

You gotta draw mino x exiled art to get bitches

2 Likes
3

Unfortunatley, research proves that drawing mino x exiled art repels bitches. Sorry

1 Like
4

Your research should be reviewed for its falsifications

5

I don’t have league of legends or genshin impact. I don’t have onlyfans. I do exercise. I don’t have a fedora (I have a jacket+hood) I showered yesterday. I weigh less than 150 kg

All the girls that hang out with me are trans or lesbian only one is straight (I think). Also thye hang out with me because I’m the Dungeon Master of our D&D campaign.

5 Likes
6

Dear Mr. Tophat,

Hello professor, I am a student who has been following this guide for quite a while now and I have posted this here to document my results.

After reading this guide, I have decided to drop Arcane Odyssey altogether. It has been a month now since I stopped playing, every time my clan mates ping me to help them in a guild war, I decline. It is a small price to pay for the bitches you know?

Apart from that I have been taking daily showers, something that used to be impossible for me is now part of my daily routine, and hygiene-wise taking care of myself has been great, it feels amazing not sitting in my chair 24/7 killing King Calvus for the 100th time!

However, despite all of these efforts to get the legendary “bitches” you speak of, I have yet to even get one! I tried asking out a woman yesterday and blurted out my signature pickup line: “TRADING KAI SABRE DM OFFERS”, she ran away screaming!

Am I doing something wrong? I need help with this.

9 Likes
7

Im only 105 pounds and I play AO all day

:skull:

weightless goofball

8

I apologize for not mentioning this but you might also need rizz(at least, for now) Recently cured sufferes of anti-bitch odour may still experience difficulty getting bitches.

9

fun fact i actually used to have an interest in fedoras
mainly because of the Burning Flames Killer Exclusive from TF2 but still

luckily i am now interested in fezzes
which gives me the same amount of problems because i don’t watch dr who

also unintentional necropost
sorry

10

Love the way you wrote this. The pickup line was the best part no doubt.

1 Like
11

I really need to gain weight :frowning_face:

(I am an athletic swimmer who is desperately trying to bulk up)

12

Nah man i play arcane odyssey 4 hours thats my limit and sometimes i can’t play 1 hour so i am good
But i still can’t get bitches :frowning:

13

interesting research you have there, why dont you back it up with a source?

14

I don’t got any weight
I’m equivalent to a chopstick dawg

15

eat more pls

you weight even less than me somehow

16

My source is that i made it the fuck up

17

Still sounds like a win to me.

18

what the hell is this guide

19

:man_shrugging:

20

yea none of that would work on a female

said by a female (me)