I’ve seen a handful of people, myself included, say that the dialogue in this game is pretty mid. Due to that I want to ask what people would do to make the dialogue better. If y’all could give some examples of some reimagined lines as well it’d be interesting to see what y’all think some lines and dialogue exchanges should’ve been.
5 Likes
I feel like Revon’s final dialog is very dissapointing, instead of making him feel like a malding child they should have made him more of a threat, here is how i think it should’ve gone
Revon: You have no clue what you have gotten into
Revon: DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUVE DONE?!?!??!! Suddenly rips off his clothes, showing his 6 pack, smooth brown skin, and luscious hair It seems like I will have to teach you a lesson
Revon: GRAHHHHHHHHHHHH I’M TR]ANSFORMING Out of nowhere, his skin turns into fur and he howls, as he fully transforms into a muscular werewolf
And then he one shots your character and forces you to restart but maybe thats just me 
18 Likes
So personally, I’ve spoken on this before, but the Order’s stated goal has always felt… Wrong to me. “Furthering the the power of magic no matter the cost,” feels really clunky to me. I feel this is mainly to do with the honestly rather bland word choice, and it’s repetition throughout the story without variation. I unfortunately can’t think of a better alternative at the time, but I feel their has to be a better way of conveying this idea.
Also you’re right about the “You’re evil, can’t you see.” Being just horrible writing. “You can’t obtain glory that way,” It’s still a bit clunky (others can probably think of better) but it fits the context of the conversation a lot more.
And now everyone’s least favorite speech. Revon’s speech is just anticlimactic after what we went through. Now in effort of not plagiarizing the writers of the Frankenstein musical, I shall only include one true quote, however, I feel that all shall see how fitting it is compared to the original speech. “Curse you, [Player or even an adjective like monster or fiend] know from this day your destruction shall be my sole occupation, no sea shall be safe for you, I swear I shall have my vengeance!” Even though it’s still rather wordy, I feel it conveys his anger in an obvious but not wholly on the nose, and I at least feel it’s much more menacing.
Fixed: a spelling mistake Soul-> Sole
I’m a bit eh on this part but overall I get you
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So… would “Pushing the limits of magic at all costs” work better? I think that does sound a little better?
I think the main issue is that it lacks a reason as to why they’re trying to further the power of magic at all costs. Cause with that alone it just sounds like they’re a bunch of super evil nerds doing it all just for the sake of it.
Uh… we havent even gotten far in the story? Thats expected ._.
Why the heck would we learn about their motives or backstory IN THE FIRST SEA?
It does sound better, but honestly I think the entire goal should just be rewritten. Maybe Vetex could just have opened with the whole trying to an unleash some powerful entity out the gate.
Post Facto of TheFollest’s most recent comment: I agree, the line about it being at all costs is the biggest problem with it. Because pursuing the true potential of magic or however one wishes to phrase it already implies a sense of costs not mattering. It’s already fanatical to state that no cost too great is redundant.
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Tbh, I’d rather wait what Vetex reveals in the rest of the story rather than having these criticisms out of the gate.
There’s very little that we know so far about the Order, and I’d imagine there’s more going on behind the scenes. Vetex has said that the whole Bronze Sea story makes a lot of sense in the full picture, and right now, we dont have that. We’re basically just looking at the surface of an iceberg, even the lore doc is just the surface of the iceberg.
However, I do have a theory/speculation on WHY the Order’s motivations were like this. But its a bit of a loose connection. I think it might go all the way back to the War of the Gods.
Arthur forced Prometheus to create Curses because he believes he was holding back the true power of magic (Sound familiar?) This to me reveals that Arthur believed that humanity should also have the right to magic just as much as the Gods, and that it shouldnt be kept from them.
I think the Order of Aesir and the rest of the War Seas represents the very flaws of this way of thinking. After all, when humanity gains power, they’ll be no different from the Gods themselves (And the Gods seemingly were doing something that humanity had to fight back, so they were no good either)
I’m not trying to defend Vetex at all fronts, I would’ve just left this thread alone since you guys have valid points about the dialogue but I’m not good at thinking of better ones but eh
2 Likes
That’s very similar to what I’ve been thinking. I’ve always had the idea that The Order is trying to either make new curses or new gods (using legacies as possible vessels for the spirit energy required for divinity. Though that last part is a recent development from the lore doc’s updates.) In my personal speculations (completely absent of lore, and with incredible leaps of logic, and mostly just saying this because it will take a long time before I get to this idea in my own stories.) Is that the Order is trying to release Chaos or something that’s been sealing Chaos away, this would destroy the world certainly, but it would also bring the world back to the point when the gods were first created to reset all the destruction that both the gods and humans have done. Believing that this would be more merciful than allowing humanity to live in the broken and shattered world they do now.
Because we’ve already killed both a Baron and a high lord in the first sea? Like to a certain extent I agree, its early no need to reveal their bigger secrets anytime soon. However, we’re at a point where we’ve taken enough action to a get a bit more of answer than just “we’re doing it just because”. I’m not asking for any specifics, but some general idea of what they want like “we want to bring eternal order to the sea” or “we want to remake the sea in [mysterious figure]'s image” or “we want to bring anarchy to the seas” or simply “we want to rule the world”. It could even just be a fake out, just something with a bit more substance then “we want to further magic”. If you really want zero hints until after the first sea than honestly it might’ve been better if we weren’t told anything at all.
Warren also tells us that furthering magic at all costs was what it was founded on so that may just be it aside from some order member’s personal motivations like Calvus wanting more power. I want to think that Warren just doesn’t know the whole picture so that’s why he said that, but given how Durza’s motives are handled in the lore doc, I don’t have a lot of faith.
I want to be clear here, I’m not asking for a total reveal of their motives and I didn’t say anything about their backstory, but I’d like to have a vague idea of something they’re actually gonna do rather than “we’re evil nerds”, cause its a little hard to take that seriously.
Also learning a sort of general motive after the first major boss isn’t really all that weird, not exactly getting why you think thats so crazy.
Revon’s dialog seemed like it was supposed to be funny, to me at least. I didn’t realize the true intent until I read the chapter name, “Unsettling Promise.”
It’s melodramatic and impersonal. He usually calls Calvus a “fair king” or “greatest king” instead of “my brother” which doesn’t set Revon apart from any random citizen who would be sad over the king’s death. Revon’s extreme emotion in the scene also ironically makes his threat seem far less serious, because what do people often do when they’re upset? They say things they don’t really mean or won’t fulfill, just to get the anger out. If Revon was more collected then it would actually seem like he’s made up his mind about hunting us.
Properly rewriting the dialog would take too much time out of my day, but I think I’d want it to be like Revon reflecting on his weakness and determining that since he was the one left alive, he is obligated to grow stronger than his brother was to avenge him. That gives more meaning to the “IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME WHO DIED!” part. And he should give a reminder that the War Seas are full of hidden powers, and that it wouldn’t be hard for someone like him to take a few of them. We know this is a true fact, as Morden went from a nobody to tying with an experienced general of a kingdom, no skill required aside from having a powerful curse. That just gives us more reason to believe Revon could grow strong.
As for the rest of AO’s dialog, there aren’t many other parts that stick out to me as bad. The biggest issue isn’t the dialog itselef, but the plot so far hasn’t put the characters in situations that challenge their philosophies and their natural ways of going about things, so there’s no way to make their dialog really ooze with personality as it should. The plot must force a light onto the characters’ inner selves.
I guess there’s “That Dying Truth Serum worked like a charm” which sounded off to me. It’s FAR from the least natural exposition I’ve ever heard, but it’s also obviously just exposition. Surely this Dying Truth Serum would have been discussed in great detail by Argos and his underlings already, so by the point we hear about it wouldn’t they already be shortening the name to “the serum” by habit? People always talk in whatever way is most convenient for them. They wouldn’t say the potion’s full name every time they talk about it.
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Yet, none of them would answer anything. MC literally asks their goals and motives and they would not reveal any further as they were loyal to their cause.
The first Sea literally leaves no room to really reveal any more than that. The real story starts at Chapter 3 of the Bronze Sea (3 of 5), and everything kinda happens all at once in one day before we get captured. One month in the mines and we kill Calvus. There’s kinda no room to leave more exposition than we already have, and some say AO’s story is already a bit too expository.
Dang… why can’t we just allow some characters or groups to just be evil at times…
“Even with my overwhelming power I still lost to the likes of you, the order is going to have my head for this mistake.”
“Anyways, here’s the full lore behind this kingdoms existence and why I joined the order.”
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make Elius mention sea curses but not fully explain it, making us go to Randal for the lore dump or smth
Yeah, even Vetex agrees the fact that Elius wasnt the best person to dump info about Curses.
…
wait a min-
“guys maybe Elius wasn’t the best choice for a lore dump, but no one else was nearby-”
the library literally containing a guy with knowledge from all over the world being a short flight away:
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Add some more movement and expressions while the dialogue is playing
Other than that not much else, we still have t progressed much yet