Bread
A bottle of painkillers
Anything, I don’t care
Mister Santa can I get 9999 bajilijion robukssss plssssss 
You’ve gotten a proximity mine…
You’ve gotten lobotomy.
You’ve gotten an enchanted cinnamon scroll.
@discobot quote
That’s one small step for a man, a giant leap for mankind. — Neil Armstrong
You’ve gotten oil in your lungs, congrats!
You have become Vetex.
yay 
I’ll take the bribe… and give you the American flag, here’s your freedom!
You’ve gotten naan, enjoy!
You’ve gotten a Nintendo switch 2, enjoy!
Here’s an account termination with the reasoning being spam, enjoy!
Sorry but with the amount of painkillers being requested Santa cannot get that as a gift for you without getting put on a list.
Here’s a coma instead.
Okay, you get ALL of the whimsical porch rocks, however they’re alive and they are carnivores, so you need to feed them to ensure your own safety, enjoy!
Well I guess that also means I won’t have to worry about intruders. I can just leave them about the perimeter and nobody will get in.
I’m killing 2 birds (among other things) with a whole collection of stones
Just remember that they have to be fed a steak once every 12 hours.
Or else they’ll try to eat you.