All feedback appreciated and wanted, especially if it includes tips for improvement, I’m new to the whole more serious tone of writing.
I’m putting this in #off-topic for the moment because idk if I can put it in #writing because its completely unrelated to AO, if anyone knows the guidelines around that, please tell me.
So I do some worldbuilding
If you are interested in the actual worldbuilding part of it, see this topic
However
Along with the actual building of the world, I do some writing about 7 of my OC’s and in short my end goal is to delve quite deep into their characters and especially their flaws.
So basically here are the first four three chapters of my unnamed story, where you’ll be introduced to 2/7 main important people and at least 2 side characters. Turns out the forums are not happy with having about 4k too many characters
And a god.
who I am not
Let’s go:
Chapter 1: The Prince. 29/01/1018 (5001F)
The golden light shone through the large glass panels that tiled the ceilings high above, lighting up the room in the early morning. This part of the palace had been relatively undamaged, and you needed to look carefully to know of the atrocities commited on the lands on which he stood. Only a few months back the Prince would have been taking each step with fear in his eyes, guards at his side and the constant knowledge of death. It had been less than two years since the war was at the threshold of what he always thought was a safe haven, and the damage to even the most elegantly built structures in the city was apparent.
Akos Frost shivered, clearly the palace’s heating systems had yet to be repaired, and the clear harshness of the Frostlands broke through his eloquent robes. His pale skin shimmered like the moon, reflecting the golden glow of dawn in a dull pallor. He had a pair of pale blue eyes, both piercing and exhausted, one of them partially hidden by a mess of pure white hair, clearly brushed in some attempt to make it look presentable. Crowning this hair was a silver crown, adorned with gemstones, one of many relics that survived the war deep in the treasury of the palace.
He glanced over at the broad and tall figure standing near. They looked nearly identical to the Prince, other than being taller, broader and with pale green eyes instead of the Prince’s blue ones. On his head was a crown of gold, acting as a beacon for the desperate people of the Frigus cutis to rally under. Ledus Frost, King of the Impexis Regnum and Heir of Ice, second manipulator of the God Weapon, sigil of Auctoritas - a proud man with the single goal of protecting his family.
He had the same exhausted look as Akos but seemed to be concentrating on a list in his hand, speaking to an audience of soldiers and nobles. Akos heard some vague murmurs, “General Damascus, Second Division of the Royal Guard, assigned to Akos Frost after the passing of Aaron Frost.”
Akos tried to stifle a yawn.
“Awarded the medal of Frigus for bravery during the war”
A proudly awarded soldier stood up from the crowd and walked forward, kneeling before the King to receive his medal.
Akos hated this reminder of the war, it had only ended a month ago yet his father was already repairing the country and awarding the soldiers. He wished that he didn’t have to attend events such as this, but as the Prince of the Impexis Regnum, he was expected to watch over the awarding of war medals.
Eventually, the dull ceremony ended, and Akos waited for the audience to file out a set of grand doors, before slipping past his assigned guards and heading to his quarters.
Akos sat down on his grand bed and looked out of the large window, it was still early, surprisingly so for a ceremony that great.
Ledus was a good king, and a good father, managing to rebuild his country in only a month after the end of the Stamstani War… yet something was unsettling to Akos, something about this newfound peace.
A knock was heard at his door, and Akos ignored it, instead glancing over his balcony at the ruins of the yet-to-be-rebuilt city below. A voice called. “Message for Prince Frost from General Damascus. The General requests a meeting in his office to discuss strategies and plans”
Akos, at the name of the General, grimaced before quickly scribbling something on a bit of paper.
To Dulzura,
I hope you are doing well. My Father has been rebuilding the country since I last wrote. If you are not busy please write back. Meeting with the new General of my Royal Guard, we’ve only met once and I can already tell that he’s taking his job too seriously. I wish Commander Zion was promoted instead. Sending this by Tobias, give him some water when he arrives. Did you get the job that you wanted? And can you tell me what it is yet? Are you a Council member?
Have fun, see you in a couple months hopefully when Ledus is heading to Grandia for some sort of feast.
Akos.
He put the letter in a small bamboo tube, with the words “Property of the Impexis Regnum” printed on it. Stepping out onto the balcony he whistled and watched as a grand bird of prey came swooping in onto a perch. Akos gently tied the lightweight tube to the bird’s ankle, along with another strip of bamboo, this time printed with “Dulzura Winters, Law Graduate, Grandia
“Hello Tobias, this one’s for Dulzura again, good luck” Akos whispered. After another complicated whistle, the bird took off west, towards its next checkpoint in the city of Ettzen, over four hundred kilometres away through the icy lands.
Akos grabbed his sword from the wall where he kept it, before straightening his crown and opening his door, stepping out into the corridor. As he walked along he watched the gentle patterns on the wall, swirling, starting, stopping, curling. Turning through the maze of staircases and corridors, avoiding the damaged ones, he eventually made his way down to the barracks of the Royal Guard, located at the edge of the palace. Akos found what he was looking for, a carved door that stood out from the rest, entering the room behind it he found a large wooden desk, with a man standing behind it. The man was the soldier from the ceremony earlier, laden with medals. He had grey hair and a wiry moustache which had been straightened to precision. His eyes were equally as dull as his hair, and his face was wrinkled with age.
“Frost. You took your time I see” Said the man.
“I think you’ll find it’s Your Highness, General,” Akos replied in a cold manner.
“Such insolence Frost, I fought for your family for years, and almost died for your father in the Stamstani War, yet you treat me as lower than you, when all you do is sit and read, or write, ignoring all your responsibilities and duties, taming those Rift forsaken birds.”
“I could have you imprisoned for such words Damascus, I don’t take orders from mere soldiers. What did you need me for, or was this just a waste of time” Akos spoke in an angry and cold manner, ignoring the General’s comments.
“We need to organise your guard unit… as the General of your guards, I think that…” The General was quickly interrupted by the Prince.
“Well then, split all ninety units into three groups, Zion can command the primary group, Blossom can command the secondary, and promote Captain Ether to Commander, set him up with the third group. Each Commander can organise their groups however they want, command will be given through either myself or Ledus directly towards Zion, Blossom and Ether’s groups respectively, you shall not give any orders to the Commanders unless I tell you to do so.” Akos finished this sentence with a smile.
“Your Highness, does that not completely bypass the role of myself as General?” Questioned Damascus.
“Of course, it does, think of your role as simply ceremonial, and leave the tactics to the more capable hands of the Commanders. Do you have any other questions?
The General frowned. “His Majesty instructed me to assign at least half your soldiers to guard you at all times, that shall not work with your planned…” Once again he was interrupted by Akos.
“Tell Zion that he should organise some soldiers to be my personal bodyguard, the rest can be reserved for journeys and other formal occasions, I have no need for half of my Guard to be chasing me at all times, I’ll get some of the captains to report on your following of instructions. You’re on thin ice Damascus.” With the final word a spike of ice suddenly pierced through a stack of papers on the General’s desk, Akos turned and walked out of the room. As Akos left, the General’s face furrowed with anger.
“Zion!” He shouted, turning towards a series of maps on a wall.
Akos returned to his room and sat on his balcony, looking over the castle grounds. A few falcons flew overhead in the freezing air. He picked up a small notebook and began writing.
Frigus Ferrum rebuilding state 29/01.
Palace still partially damaged, east wing still filled with rubble and dust, should be fixed soon. The heating is still not working, unfortunate because this winter is extremely harsh, and only getting worse. City seems to be doing fine, although Zion recommends I do not exit the palace grounds yet. No sign of danger from any remaining Stamstani forces, although I do know that Frigus Primary are stationed in the city, warding off attackers.
Akos Frost.
Akos placed the notebook down and sighed. The day seemed to be flying by fast, but at least it seemed to be warm enough.
Chapter 2: A Celebration 01/02/1018 - 07/02/1018 (5001F)
Akos opened his eyes and found himself wrapped up warm in his bed. The early glow of light shone through a crack in his curtains. He listened to his slow breath, the faint commotion around the palace. Eventually, he convinced himself to get up and donned a simple robe, royal yet practical for the day ahead. The Prince was about to open his elegant curtains when he heard a noise behind him, turning quickly he reached for his sword only to find three people standing in the doorway. Two of them were instantly recognisable - large coats, scarfs, and a golden spear carved with runes in their right hands - Elite Peacekeeper units from the Grand Court Lands, a country south of the Impexis Regnum, where the people followed Lex Staterae, Deity of Law. The man in the middle was wearing a similarly large coat and a scarf, but they had dark green eyes, the colour of the trees in the distant forests. Their hair was decently long and black, their skin pale tinted with pink from the cold. On his shoulder was a large falcon which Akos recognised. The most prominent feature of the man was the two large wings on his back.
“Dulzura?” Queried the Prince.
The centre figure ran forward, causing the bird resting upon him to flap away. He wrapped his arms around Akos.
“Akos, you’re alive!” The man exclaimed sarcastically.
Akos, taken aback by the sudden hug, smiled “Of course I am Dulzura, I’m glad you’re well”
Dulzura grinned “Happy birthday! I thought I might surprise you by coming over to the Frostlands, although the Council weren’t pleased with my absence.”
“The Council? Why would they be bothered by your absence? Is it something to do with that mysterious job you were trying to get? Is that why you show up with Elite Peacekeepers?” Akos questioned Dulzura, whilst still smiling happily.
“Well, I might have been elected youngest Judge of the Grand Court, but some days, that shouldn’t matter” Dulzura laughed, as Akos’s face turned to one of pure confusion.
“You’re the Judge? The most powerful man in the world? How does that not matter?” Akos smiled and sat down.
“Well, there are three Judges in the Grand Court, and it’s my best friend’s birthday, so I have bigger priorities than law for the moment.”
Akos paused for a second. “So why do you have Tobias?” He gestured towards the bird, now standing on a nearby table. “I thought he was supposed to be in Grandia by today, and you didn’t travel all that way in a couple of hours.”
Dulzura once again laughed and said “Well we found him some days back outside of Ettzen, I’ve never seen a falcon ignore their checkpoint before, even if it was to deliver a message to its rightful owner. You have an intelligent bird there Akos.”
Akos smiled and rubbed his head. “So you travlled via Ettzen then.” He paused and thought for a moment, “Do you want a tour of the palace, I’m afraid it is still damaged from the war.”
Suddenly a messenger shouted from beyond the door, Dulzura’s wings twitched.
“King Ledus Frost requests a meeting with Judge Winters and Prince Frost in his office once the noon bell rings.”
Akos stood up and stretched. “The noon bell is still a while away, I may as well show you around. This is my quarters, overlooking the Northern Falconry and Courtyards.”
Akos beckoned to Dulzura to follow him and walked through the maze of corridors, busy with a certain morning buzz, as candles and fireplaces were lit. The two guards of Dulzura’s followed close behind, spears in hand.
He descended a large set of stairs and pushed open an elegant set of doors.
They exited into a large courtyard, the ground was glazed with pure white snow, trodden into hard ice. At one end of the courtyard, there were a set of wooden targets, covered with frost, and at the other side, there were some small buildings separate from the rest of the palace. Many armoured soldiers were milling around the middle of the courtyard, some with crude wooden swords in hand.
“Welcome to the Western Courtyard and training grounds, home to the Royal Guard.” Akos spread his arms wide at the open space, taking in the fresh air.
“So this is where the Royal Guard train, care to spare, Frost?” Dulzura grinned and threw a wooden sword picked up from the snow. Akos caught it.
“Too easy Dulzura” In the blink of his eye, a dart of ice pierced upwards and knocked the wooden blade out of the Judge’s hand.
“And no magic, we don’t want this fight to be unfair, do we Akos?” Dulzura picked up his sword and prepared himself. He leapt up into the frigid air, wings unfolding before Akos, as they dived downwards, the Prince stepped to the side and attempted to dodge the attack, but at the last second, Dulzura swung around and disarmed him with a flick of the blade. Akos fell to the ground, smiling.
“Well Prince Frost, clearly you rely on your magic too much.” Dulzura had a sarcastic tone and was breathing heavily, he reached out a hand for Akos to take.
Helping Akos up, the Judge brushed the snow off of his own coat.
“Thank you for that Dulzura, it may have been short but it was quite exhilarating to spar with you.”
Above the courtyard was a clocktower, the face with bright, polished metal handles and a large crack down one side. The pillar slowly ticked, and a bell rang out.
“That is the noon bell, which means that my Father is expecting us” The Prince gently held the fabric of the Judge’s coat and led him once again through the corridors of the Palace. Many people were rushing about, with trays, and decorations and the occasional group with chisels and hammers, heading towards the eastern wing.
The highest part of the palace was a floor smaller than the others, which allowed it to partially act as a terrace to look over both the courtyards and the city far below. Akos lead Dulzura into a large office overlooking Frigus Ferrum, the capital city of the Impexis Regnum. Dulzura’s green eyes shone, and his cheeks were hinted with crimson, both from the sheer cold and the vigorous sparring. As he saw the King he knelt and bowed his head. “Pleased to meet you, Your Majesty”
Ledus Frost laughed deeply, a gleam in his eyes. “There is no need to be so formal Judge Winters, you are a friend of Akos’ since childhood. I hope you find the palace well?”
“It is indeed, thank you for your hospitality.” Dulzura’s face was serious but he was slowly warming to the King.
“How long are you planning on staying, as you are aware, the Palace is free for any Judge of the Grand Court,” The King had a kind look in his eyes as he carefully inspected his son’s closest friend.
“I am on leave from the Courts for a month and a half, which means I can stay here another week before starting the return journey.”
“Well, just so you know, for as long as you stay my son’s friend, and watch over him, you are welcome to stay in the Impexis Regnum.”
Akos, who was standing a few meters away, looked flustered and a flash of anger appeared across his face at this comment, surprised at Ledus’ choice of words.
“I do not need to be looked after like a mere child, Father.”
Ledus stayed silent.
“It doesn’t matter if you think you are immune to the evil of this world, but listen here. We all need a person to be able to trust, and if Dulzura is that person, that person you can tell anything to, then it is important for you to look out for each other and mutually trust each other beyond anything else. Remember this Akos, trust is a force deeper than the Rifts itself.
But this is serious talk, come, you two, a meal has been prepared for your day of birth Akos.”
Akos frowned but saw Dulzura’s confused face and lightened his expression. “Come on Dulzura, there’s food waiting.”
The pair followed the King down to a grand dining hall decorated from tip to base. The large table was laden with food, and many eloquent chairs were situated near it. The King settled down on the largest chair at the head of the table, Akos and Dulzura followed shortly afterwards, sitting at the table as well.
The feast lasted for hours, with both the young Prince and his companion eating, laughing and smiling together. Akos felt settled, as if he could finally let the atrocities of the war disappear, reunited with his closest friend.
One week later.
Akos frowned, Dulzura was across the courtyard saying his farewells to those he had met in the Palace over this last week. He watched as the Judge trudged through the snow.
“Farewell then, friend.” Akos was quiet.
“Goodbye Akos,” Dulzura paused as if he was about to move.
“Do you want anything?” the Prince queried, looking carefully at their forested eyes.
“No, farewell Akos, I’ll see you as soon as I can.”
The Prince sighed and watched as the Judge left the palace, the only man he trusted, leaving him for what possibly could be another five painful years.
Chapter 3: Function 16/02/1018 - 20/02/1018 (5001F).
Akos glanced down the stone stairway. The carved blocks were ice cold, the walls damp and crumbling in places. This was the place that his father wanted to meet, but why the King chose to conference on the damaged side of the Palace, Akos didn’t know.
Stepping down the stairs into the darkness, the Prince had to trust his balance not to slip and fall. Eventually, after what seemed like hours of walking downwards in the pitch black, a glow of light appeared ahead. He entered a hall he didn’t even realise existed. The walls and ceiling were bare stone, and the floor was of an unknown material, hard and cold. Positioned around the chamber were bookshelves and tables, laden with paper. On metal poles driven into the ground were lanterns, giving off a gentle heat and light. The only other person in the hall was King Ledus Frost of the Impexis Regnum, Akos’ father.
Before the Prince could say a word, the authority of the King rang out. “Good. You are here, follow me.”
Akos hurried to keep up with the King as he stepped towards a nearby wall and pushed it gently, revealing a passageway behind the rock. The King entered the passageway and the Prince followed like a loyal subject.
A second chamber soon came to light, this one being mostly empty. Akos glanced around, his face shied away from the scene. The floors and walls were of a similar stone, but they were covered with charred marks and even dry blood.
On a pedestal in the centre of the chamber was a thing.
No, a Weapon.
On the pedestal was a Weapon, the type used for killing in a war. It seemed to glow with fear, with anger. It seemed to eliminate every drop of light and hope in the room.
The blunt, broken, useless edge sighed, sharp and dangerous.
Sharp. Dangerous. Cutting.
Akos felt a pain in his back, digging into his spine, cutting his ribs. Nothing.
His blood boiled and ran down his arm, dripping to the floor.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
He was being an idiot, a fool, that was just water running down the wall.
Dying slowly…
He gasped for a single breath of air.
Ledus Frost looked at the Weapon.
He picked up the broken sword and sighed…
Picked up the broken halberd and sighed…
Picked up the broken shield, sighed…
Picked up the broken musket…
The broken cutlass…
Broken crossbow…
He picked up the crimson-red dagger, as a drop of blood ran down the small crack in the blade.
It shattered, shrapnel embedding within Akos’s flesh, alive, digging, moving.
He blinked and stood in the cold room with Ledus Frost carefully handling the Weapon.
“This here is what ended the Stamstani War. It was recovered by a group of soldiers exploring the edge of the Province.
For hours upon end, my Father, King Aaron Frost and his scientists researched in this very chamber, they designed one weapon that could end all wars.
This here is the God Weapon. King Aaron Frost used the powers of the Deity of Royalty, Auctoritas, along with this weapon, to sacrifice himself, releasing an overwhelming amount of energy.” Ledus sighed and looked at the Weapon.
“Stamstani was vaporised, flattened, gone. Anyone within the province at that time died, and the weapon was damaged to the point that it couldn’t be used again. Nobody knows how to create a second one as all the evidence relating to this… horrible, horrible device, was destroyed, and all scientists who worked on it dead.”
Akos stayed silent, averting his eyes from the Weapon.
“It takes the form of whatever you feel is most dangerous”
As Ledus said this, Akos flinched, remembering the weapons worn by war that flashed in front of his eyes. The Prince took a deep breath before asking.
“So, what form does it take for you?”
Ledus hesitated, but his answer was short.
“Betrayal”
Feeling as if this response created more questions than it answered, Akos paused.
“Why do I need to see this weapon.” he finally answered.
“Because we cannot afford another war. I’m sending you to Daybreak to attend a meeting of world leaders. It’s time that you take responsibility for your life, else I fear that I may lose you.”
Ledus watched in dismay as his son turned and stormed out of the room.
Akos was exhausted from the journey. He looked around at his equally exhausted guards, slowly swaying in the saddles of their snow-white horses.
Commander Zion called over to the Prince.
“We should be nearing Hestad soon, we can meet the rest of the Guard and then call it a night.”
Akos looked at the sky, glancing at the incoming clouds.
“Looks like a blizzard is about to hit, hopefully, we can make it before then.”
A dozen shouts were heard, and the horses stormed on across the hills of frost.
Walls of ice began to rise above them as they entered a valley seemingly carved out of the landscape by a gentle hand, the sun slowly fading as it was obscured by the black clouds.
The horses slowed uneasily at the silence, their ears pricked.
A whistle rang out to Akos’s left.
“Assassins!” shouted the Commander.
“Defensive now!” Akos replied, muttering some other words under his breath. “Auctoritas, bless us.”
Overwhelmed by a sudden heat, the air shimmered as if it was disturbed by a flame, before stopping.
The horses of the Impexis galloped on, as many figures in black cloaks appeared behind them, also on horseback, all of them armed.
A chant was heard, synchronised like a clock of Death.
“Ex voluntate familiarum nostrarum, populi nostri et Sicarius Domini”
“We are outnumbered by at least fifteen Assassins” Zion had a note of panic in his voice, disturbing his usually calm tone.
“Then we must out-skill them” Akos closed his eyes as the first shot rang out.
A horse fell near his left side, but not before the guardsman leapt off of it and loosed an arrow into the heart of an assassin.
The Prince circled around and drew his sword, letting many shards of cold ice fly towards the cloaked warriors.
He dashed forwards into the chaos, letting spikes of ice rise out of the ground around him.
Taken by the adrenaline of battle, at least ten assassins fell to his frost.
As the exhaustion began to set in, he looked around to realise that his guard had been scattered across the large valley, some vague dots could be seen a distance behind him, but they were slowly fading as if some veil had been placed over the Prince’s eyes.
The cold surrounded him as the blizzard hit.
“Where could they be?” Akos muttered to himself, leaning against his horse’s neck in the frostbitten landscape. He slowly moved forwards in the sheet of pure white, searching desperately for shelter. About an hour beforehand he had felt the last drops of energy within him fade, as if the environment was pulling his own willpower apart. He didn’t even bother keeping his eyes open anymore.
Controlled like a puppet, with no intentions of their own, the Prince continued to move forwards through the barren landscape, and eventually, as if the world had blessed him with life again, reached a cavern in the side of a cliff, sheltered from the pure anger of nature.
The cave was deep but surprisingly warm, but the further Akos stumbled into the dark tunnels, he started to notice the world warp around him, lights flashed from nowhere, and passageways that existed before, faded before his own eyes. Left was right and up was down, yet the Prince still refused to turn back, entranced by the rejuvenating energy that flowed into him.
The walls seemingly disappeared, reforming into a large cavern glowing with every colour at once, moving and vibrating to the sound of crackling thunder and spitting flames.
A voice rang out, deep in Akos’ mind, echoing through the void.
“Who are you, Mortal, who dares to enter my space? Are you one of those fools who worship me? Or are you searching for something else? Do not bother answering, for I am Randomness, Function, God of Chaos, the Apocolypse, Apollyon, Lord of the Broken and Fallenfire’s Annihilation, and you shall die.”
Feeling a sudden unease, Akos launched himself upwards with a blast of ice at his feet, and what seemed to be an instant later, the space that he was standing in disappeared as if it was deleted from reality. Instead of falling back down, he was pulled by an invisible string, throwing him into the wall of the cavern with a crunch of bones. The air split as bolts of energy sliced towards him at a thunderous speed, shattering the ice that Akos summoned to protect himself.
He fell to the ground, limp.
“You have promise. I suppose this would be a chance to extend my power, farewell you, forsaken Prince, as now you shall rise as the Voice of Randomness.”
The voice faded away as a sharp pain splintered through Akos’ chest, a large shard of a glass-like material embedded within his skin, a dagger of all the Prince’s agony.
The Heir to the Eternal Throne closed his eyes, blood buzzing with immortality.