Smugglers

A story about the other point of view

Josh was bored and sweaty. The sun beat down relentlessly and the rock pillar helped slightly by granting shade. They were due for another shipment tomorrow. Then the five of them would sell the ice to nearby people. It was a simple job, though illegal for some reason. No one noticed when ice was taken from remote parts of Frostmill, why should they now? Cactuses were dotted around and sand seemed ingrained into everything from drink to food and in places it should never be.

“I’m so hot!” complained Julie, “Why does the sun have to be so hot? Why can’t we have magic to cool ourselves off?” Julia sighed and laid back in the sand next to the rock formation. She looked at the water they had with longing but decided against it. She began twirling a dagger in her hands.

“Well we’ll be out of here after our next shipment,” their commanding officer Jake replied. He had a greatsword on his back and his sweaty brown hairs showed signs of graying, his scars were many and he flaunted his body with the woman, except Julie.

“Hey Jake!” Isacc called from across the clearing where he was sitting in some shade. He was built well and also had some scars but those were mostly from bar fights, his beard was growing longer as well. “How bout we play a game of Eels and Squid?”

“Yeah, I’m willing to bet a few galleons I’ll win,” Terran said. Somehow he had found a wine bottle which he was enjoying immensely. Isacc and Terran were twins and seemed much the same, Josh had difficulty telling them apart.

Eels and squid is a dice game which includes a small board easy to pack and also two 4-sided dice. Some people had sat down on said dice before. Josh found it immensely amusing, as he was the one who put the dice there. The game is played very similarly to chutes and ladders.

“Yes, yes, let’s have a fun game, I’m also bored and cheery spirits make for cheery men!” Jake’s chuckle rumbled like thunder (though much silenter).

Everyone gathered round and began playing, Josh bet a few galleons as well, Julie ended up winning and gained a lot of galleons, Josh wasn’t happy, though Jake laughed and pulled out some beer, “Another!” he cried and they played another game which Josh happily won.

The rest of the evening was spent in the rock’s shade having a jolly good time, Isacc and Terran were laughing and singing together. Julie was very drunk and also messing around. Most times it was easy for Josh to forget she was a girl. Josh fell asleep that night to the snores of the twins, it had been a good day and their shipment would arrive tomorrow. Maybe being a smuggler isn’t so bad.


The next day after a good night’s rest everyone was happy, Josh was sharpening his sword while the twins were stringing their bows. It was too close to their shipment to be playing around. Jake was watching the ocean as a storm rolled past up north, the ice cargo would likely be delayed which was no problem, it happened a lot.

An hour passed into the day and everyone was talking when Terran suddenly quieted, “Everyone hush, I heard something.”

Everyone quieted it was no joke if there were people nearby. Then suddenly, dropping into the midst of them was a woman wearing a green cape, green boxing gloves, dual old swords, a rusty katana and a beige straw hat. In her hands was a large old greathammer, which she heaved over her head before shouting, “Devastate!” and slamming it into the ground causing a huge shockwave. Josh was thrown back along with some of the other smugglers. Jake managed to parry the shockwave with his greatsword.

Josh stood up and charged with his sword in hand as arrows went flying from the twins bows. The woman launched herself at Terran grabbing his head in one gloved hand before slamming him down into the ground, an arrow pierced her shoulder but she ignored it as she took the warhammer and slammed it down with a sickening crunch. The hammer was lifted away from the bloody mess that used to be Teran’s head. Bone pieces and blood were falling from the hammer. Isacc screamed his fury and slew five more arrows in the warlord’s direction, The arrows were parried away. Suddenly Jake came from the side with a greatsword in hand, The girl barely managed to parry the sword attack but Jake’s increased speed was wearing on her.

Josh thought it would end quickly, he was sadly mistaken as the girl sheathed her hammer, and unsheathed her swords suddenly teleporting behind Jake. “Sword Draw: Mirrored River.”

Josh watched in horror as Jake’s body split into three pieces and toppled to the ground with blood flowing from it. His lifeless eyes showed surprise. He had died, their strongest member.

Julie launched herself at the warlord screaming, dagger in hand. The lady sheathed her blades and punched Julie square in the stomach, forcing Julie to her knees and also making her cough up blood. Isaac then fired an arrow which plunged into the woman’s side, Josh arrived next swinging his blade, the woman attempted to parry the swing but failed, gaining herself a cut in the thigh from Josh’s blade. Josh then looked up for another swing to meet a gloved hand punching him in an uppercut. Stumbling backward he spat out a tooth. Julie recovered and stabbed the lady in the gut. The lady turned, grabbing her head in one hand then punched it to the side with the other, another crunch could be heard as Julie’s neck was snapped out of place.

Isaac was next, the woman unsheathed her hammer launching herself at the archer, he dodged out of the way getting another arrow into her before the hammer came back around hitting him in the side, ribs snapped and organs were crushed as the hammer came through, he was launched into the nearby stone shattering his body even more, the blood and gore was everywhere, all of Josh’s companions had died. Josh refused to accept this, picking up Julie’s dagger he launched it at the woman before he could think. The woman turned around to the dagger hitting her square in the stomach, she coughed up blood from her many wounds but wasn’t done. Unsheathing her old katana, Josh felt the world slow down. The woman spoke, “Sword Draw: Flash Strike.” The woman vanished from in front of Josh, he looked down to see the long bloody cut through his torso, his hand had been severed as well. Funny, I thought I would feel something when dying. Josh’s body collapsed to the ground nearly severed in half leaking blood.


Angel Galleon stood up. “Ow, I thought it would be easier to kill the smugglers,” she gasped coughing up blood. Reaching into her pack she pulled out a healing potion. It would have to do until she could heal more. Angel’s most lethal wounds closed up as she walked away from the sandy island wiping blood off her katana.

Feedback greatly appreciated

4 Likes

needs more dragons 0/10

those aren’t cannon to arcane lore. If they were I might add them but even then it doesn’t make sense :person_shrugging:

havent written a critque in a while

You don’t need to spend time explaining the game, it breaks the flow of the story, and doesn’t add much.
You can imply some of the rules by showing a scene of them playing it, but I would advise against a full summary

I think you could probably make the description more fluid. You don’t need to make it all one sentence and you could maybe do something like
“Issac was built strong, and he used that muscle well, getting a collection of scars from bar fights.”

Why the parentheses

quite isn’t a proper speaking verb. If you want to say that he got quite you should something like, “He suddenly went silent”

Can they see all of her weapons? You could only mention one of them and reveal the rest as she uses them

You didn’t refer to her as a warlord before, so using that has her title can be confusion

I would say use a more descriptive way to say that he was the strongest

In general, I would say you need to use more descriptive wordings and show more then tell.
still nice writing

thanks for the feedback :+1: