[SS] The High Seas

Grandma Peg-Leg regales you with her tale lol.

Yes, this is for the Sea prompt.

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@Danny_Zou uwu rip me to shreds

I am now going to hell.

Also rake stop being horni or bonk.

Firstly, nice paragraphs but you ought to indent them.

Secondly, it isn’t a style of writing I usually deal with. It’s a story, told from one person to another, and I’m not very used to that kind of writing.

However, there is slightly a general thread of “shakiness” in regards to your adjectives. Sometimes you use flowery and almost romantic prose, at other times you descend into more crude descriptions. As you only have a single narrator and it should be in their voice, this is not desirable. Here are some examples:

If you’re reading this, I’m probably dead, or old enough that my wrinkly ass can’t stop you from reading it. I’m not very good at the whole writing thing, so, guess I’ll just start.

This is purposefully crude. It does that well. However, when you say something like:

I had a pretty normal childhood, but I always felt it, the siren call of the ocean, the high seas. I know that you can all feel it, it’s in your blood.

It contrasts and makes it feel abrupt. There’s also a second reason for the abruptness. Your syntax is short and choppy in this sentence. The sentence itself is long, but it could be separated into many smaller ones, as follows:

I had a pretty normal childhood. But I always felt it. The siren call of the ocean. The high seas.

Not how it should look, but how it’s read. What you should try to do is slow it down a little here.

I had a pretty normal childhood, growing up in the middle of nowhere. An island is surrounded by water. There’s nothing there but the ocean, and the ocean calls to you, quietly and persistently. Everyone’s felt it at one point, the siren song that flows through your blood and gives you dreams of adventure.

Also here is an awkward phrase:

I never told its story before, but you will come to see it in time.

Like what? Better would be:

I’ve never told anyone its story before, but now I feel like it’s time.

Or something like that.

Now that I think about it you use this kind of syntax a lot:

Phrase, related phrase, description of the related phrase.

For example:

I don’t remember exactly when I left, but there had been a falling out within the crew, with me at its head.

and

At that point, it had been either leaving the crew, or mutiny and knowing that I probably couldn’t win against my captain

and

I and some of my friends struck off on our own, using our funds to buy a measly sailboat, with me at its head.

It’s rather awkward. You would do better by changing it to something like:

Transition, phrase, description of phrase.

Examples:

It didn’t last, of course. We had a falling-out, and I had ended up leading what was rapidly brewing into a mutiny.

I ended up having to make a choice whether to fight and probably lose to the captain, or leave.

I chose the former, and some of my friends joined me. We pooled our funds to buy a measly sailboat, and I became the captain.

Anyways this kind of syntax is the only major problem (and it’s pretty minor as problems go) that I could find in the writing.

Cute little story by Grandma Peg-leg

I am better than @Robotstics :sunglasses:

also thx, I did the writing style change kind of on purpose, but I think it failed lol. I’m not very good with characters for the most part. I like lore and stuff, meaning writing where it’s one character reading a book, or just straight lore.