[SS] The High Seas

Grandma Peg-Leg regales you with her tale lol.

Yes, this is for the Sea prompt.

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@Danny_Zou uwu rip me to shreds

I am now going to hell.

Also rake stop being horni or bonk.

Firstly, nice paragraphs but you ought to indent them.

Secondly, it isnā€™t a style of writing I usually deal with. Itā€™s a story, told from one person to another, and Iā€™m not very used to that kind of writing.

However, there is slightly a general thread of ā€œshakinessā€ in regards to your adjectives. Sometimes you use flowery and almost romantic prose, at other times you descend into more crude descriptions. As you only have a single narrator and it should be in their voice, this is not desirable. Here are some examples:

If youā€™re reading this, Iā€™m probably dead, or old enough that my wrinkly ass canā€™t stop you from reading it. Iā€™m not very good at the whole writing thing, so, guess Iā€™ll just start.

This is purposefully crude. It does that well. However, when you say something like:

I had a pretty normal childhood, but I always felt it, the siren call of the ocean, the high seas. I know that you can all feel it, itā€™s in your blood.

It contrasts and makes it feel abrupt. Thereā€™s also a second reason for the abruptness. Your syntax is short and choppy in this sentence. The sentence itself is long, but it could be separated into many smaller ones, as follows:

I had a pretty normal childhood. But I always felt it. The siren call of the ocean. The high seas.

Not how it should look, but how itā€™s read. What you should try to do is slow it down a little here.

I had a pretty normal childhood, growing up in the middle of nowhere. An island is surrounded by water. Thereā€™s nothing there but the ocean, and the ocean calls to you, quietly and persistently. Everyoneā€™s felt it at one point, the siren song that flows through your blood and gives you dreams of adventure.

Also here is an awkward phrase:

I never told its story before, but you will come to see it in time.

Like what? Better would be:

Iā€™ve never told anyone its story before, but now I feel like itā€™s time.

Or something like that.

Now that I think about it you use this kind of syntax a lot:

Phrase, related phrase, description of the related phrase.

For example:

I donā€™t remember exactly when I left, but there had been a falling out within the crew, with me at its head.

and

At that point, it had been either leaving the crew, or mutiny and knowing that I probably couldnā€™t win against my captain

and

I and some of my friends struck off on our own, using our funds to buy a measly sailboat, with me at its head.

Itā€™s rather awkward. You would do better by changing it to something like:

Transition, phrase, description of phrase.

Examples:

It didnā€™t last, of course. We had a falling-out, and I had ended up leading what was rapidly brewing into a mutiny.

I ended up having to make a choice whether to fight and probably lose to the captain, or leave.

I chose the former, and some of my friends joined me. We pooled our funds to buy a measly sailboat, and I became the captain.

Anyways this kind of syntax is the only major problem (and itā€™s pretty minor as problems go) that I could find in the writing.

Cute little story by Grandma Peg-leg

I am better than @Robotstics :sunglasses:

also thx, I did the writing style change kind of on purpose, but I think it failed lol. Iā€™m not very good with characters for the most part. I like lore and stuff, meaning writing where itā€™s one character reading a book, or just straight lore.