[SS] Trigno, The Volcano

Trigno is hot :weary:

Can’t believe we’ll never see him again


dang this is good

1 Like

You think that now, just wait until @Danny_Zou gets here :troll:

In all seriousness though, always a joy to read that stuff. He could literally just write criticism and I would read.

dang this is good.

No but seriously rake I’m in schooooooool.

A few minor diction things is all I can really see rn:

And he found it, a gleaming city forged entirely of pure metal, and in the center, lay a man by the name of John Thorne

Should be “was a man”.

So, he loaded up as many valuables as he could onto a small rowboat, and sent the ship alight, and watched it fade away into nothing on the receding horizon.

Bit runon.

So, his journey at an end, he sought out whatever remained of the old world.

“So” is not necessary and repetitive, you used “so” two sentences ago.

yeah that’s it. I have english class to get back to.

1 Like

sry :pleading_face: