Syndicate - Fellow Debtors - Part Two

This one kinda sucks cause i was playing deepwoke doing improtent things and procasnating. Anyways finally released this and you can find the first part and any future parts here: Syndicate - Writing - Remainders.

Arsiver walked through the forest to the Rivarn Merchant Guild’s headquarters. He stopped in front of a grand mansion that most likely cost more than three times his debt. The mansion was made out of refined wood and towered over the trees. He walked down the grand hallway along, servants and guards rushed by, heading to their stations. Arsiver walked up the stairs to the advisor’s office, he was greeted by two guards wearing leather armour. Arsiver walked up, “This is High Advisor Farnor Rivarrn the Thrid’s office?”

The guards sighed and replied “That is correct, You’re the new indentured servant guy right?”

“I would prefer not be known as that, but yes I am”

The guard chuckled and unlocked the door, “Well come right in, new indeuntred servant guy”

Arsiver walked through the iron door, he closed the door behind him and began to bow to the high advisor.

“That’s hardly necessary” said Farnor, who appeared to be spinning around a knife around in his hand.

“Sir, I’d like to thank you again for rescuing me”

“Well, you’ll be paying me back soon. You’re first mission is to track down Alaric Varion and collect his debt. He may resist slightly, but you do need to remind him that he does in fact owe money to me.”

“Suppose that I should take some time to get to know my fellow debtors”

“Use force if necessary, he’s and old man, but he might resist”

“He’ll probably have a heart attack if I try to”

“Well, off you go. Try not to kill him”

Farnor tossed a detailed map of the area with an X on one building, before taking a sip of wine from his bottle. Arsiver, began heading out of the office, he might’ve been imagining things, but as headed out, one of guards looked like he had shed a tear.

Arsiver scouted out X, it appeared to be a small store, filled with cobwebs and broken shelves. There appeared to be a bored looking old man at the counter. Arsiver opened up the door and walked over to the old man. “Welcone to Alaric’s Generals Goods, how can you help you?”

“Are you Alaric Varrion?”

“Depends who’s asking…” The old man began to reach underneath the counter.

“The Rivaren Merchent Guild, they want your money for some reason” Arsiver said, watching the old man intently, noticing him reaching underneath the counter. Suddenly, the old man grabbed a sword on the shelf behind him and swung it quickly, Arsiver took the blade to the face, back pedaling away. “Old man, please calm down. It’s probably like 5 galleons”

“You criminals can’t even let me have a peaceful retirement, without sending your thugs to steal my money” Alaric pulled out a flintlock from underneath the desk and aimed it at Arsiver. Arsiver quickly retailed with a rock flinging it at Alaric. He quickly vaulted over it and shot Arsiver in the shoulder. He began to approach with his sword in hand, throwing away the gun. “I’m gonna enjoy this” He swung his sword at his throat, with adrenaline pumping through his veins, Arsiver summoned a gauntlet of earth and blocked the sword, before replying with a fist to the mouth. Alaric stood up and lunged towards him, slashing wildly. “Sir this is probably just a misunderstanding. I really don’t want hurt you”

“Then why’d yah smash me in the stomach, You rivarn meatbag”

Suddenly two Grand navy soldier kicked down the door and pulled out their swords.

“Sir, you are under arrest!” said one of the soldiers.

“Not the first time I’ve heard that!” Alaric suddenly sprang at one of the soldiers and slit her throat. The soldier hit the ground, throat bleeding, the other soldier suddenly stabbed Alaric in the eye, causing him to collapse on the ground. As he was bleeding out on the floor, the soldier tried to desperately treat his wounded partner with not luck. As Alaric bled out on the floor, he croaked out his last words. “Kid… Get out of the game while you still can.” The man’s eyes went blank as he died in his own store

As with last time, feedback is appericated and welcomed

This was gooey and brutal great job no doubt I’m still waiting for AO to make an actual AO story!

Next one should come out in a week(break ended ): )

Fixed spelling errors, because Grammarly is broken for some reason and didn’t notice them(Also some suggestions from BNT, Thanks for looking over it!)

Aparently break doesn’t actually end and I’m stopid. Gonna try to get the next one done in like two days(If i don’t procasnate on the forums and deepwoke).

How good is the story so far
  • 1(You suck, never type another letter again)
  • 2(Some Glaring issues)
  • 3(Could be saved if completely rewritten)
  • 4(Concept is there, but issues need to be fixed)
  • 5(A couple problems and plot holes, but not too much rewriting required)
  • 6(Meh)
  • 7(Story is alright)
  • 8(Story is better then expected)
  • 9(Amazing)
  • 10(I will sacrifice my newborn for your next chapter)

0 voters

Honest opinions pls
Also why the heck can you only modify your poll after first 5 minutes. I literly just wanna fix a spelling error