A quick disclaimer : While most of this is just simple spelling fixes and grammar fixes, some of it is just my personal take on writing, so consider those bits as just tips.
I also made sure to explain those bits so that you could decide how you feel about them.
There are also a couple parts that are weird ( unusual word choices? ) that could technically be considered wrong, but I understood what you meant so I just chalked it up as personal style.
Ya know, language being a form of expression and such 
That and I made a point to try to keep it as close to your writing as possible, regardless of whether or not it was something that I’d typically write, as not to detract from it being your writing.
" Trying out writting…I remmember a while ago, i wrote something but now that i have more info for AO, OC etc. I can finally do staff i want (: . Even if noone will notice this “”'series""" i’ll still continue on writting it, cause i want to increase my level of “language knowladge” (english is’nt my native, its my third language yada yad yada.) "
Ok, strictly speaking this isn’t part of the chapter but here’s a slight revision regardless :
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Trying out writing… I remember a while ago, I wrote something but now that I have more info for AO, OC ect. I can finally do stuff I want ( :
Even if no one will notice this “series” I’ll still continue on writing it, cause I want to increase my level of language knowledge.
( English isn’t my native, it’s my third language yada yada yada. )
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" That day, the weather was getting worse and worse by the second: strong wind was bringing thunder clouds closer to the Dawn island, waves were forming and clashing against each other. Sailing at such time would be suicidal and stupid, so young gatherer decided to wait till the end of storm before sailing back to his hometown. "
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That day, the weather was getting worse by the second : strong wind was bringing thunder clouds closer to Dawn Island, waves were forming and clashing against each other.
Sailing at such a time would be stupid and suicidal, so Young Gatherer decided to wait till the storm ended before sailing back to his hometown.
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“worse and worse by the second,” I shortened this to just, “worse by the second,” so that it’d flow better.
Using, “worse and worse by the second,” isn’t explicitly wrong here, but it is repetitive.
“suicidal and stupid,” I swapped their positions so that it’d flow better and have more weight to it.
You could use, “suicidal and stupid,” here but suicidal often carries the connotation that’s it’s stupid, so saying, “suicidal and stupid,” is like just saying stupid and then stupid again.
However, by switching that to, “stupid and suicidal,” using stupid first and then suicidal puts more weight on suicidal and thus better emphasizes that it’s a stupid idea.
Kinda like saying that not only is it stupid, it’s suicidal.
^ This might not make much sense but it’s the best explanation I could muster.
" He placed down a camp inside of a small cave he found near the beach, and just within 50 meters he anchored his small sailboat full of all kinds of herbs, mushrooms and other interesting items. "
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He placed down a camp inside of a small cave he found near the beach, and just within 50 meters he anchored his small sailboat, full of all kinds of herbs, mushrooms and other interesting items.
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" Before going to sleep, he decided to check the sailboat and take some food if needed. He walked out the cave and saw that skies were already swollen in thick dark clouds, it wasn’t raining yet but he could clearly hear distant lightning strikes. Young gatherer quickly walked to his boat, jumped onto it and walked inside. On the lower level of the boat were stored all of his items: at least 2 cargo boxes of different packed herbs ; 1 box purely for unique staff that he found(something like pearls ,seashells and strange ocean gems) ; Box with Food ; Spare clothe and some equipment. He took some food with himself, and when he finished he heard as raindrops were hitting against the ship - it started raining so he put on his cloak and quickly walked out of ship but before he could jump off the ship on beach, he saw a laying figure on sand in the distance. Due to rain he couldn’t get a better look from afar, so he ran to his camp, put food there and then ran to the laying figure. "
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Before going to sleep, he decided to check the sailboat and take some food if needed.
He walked out the cave and saw that the skies were already swollen in thick dark clouds, it wasn’t raining yet but he could clearly hear distant lightning strikes.
Young Gather quickly walked to his boat, jumped onto it and went inside.
On the lower level of the boat were stored all of his items : at least 2 cargo boxes of different packed herbs, 1 box purely for unique stuff that he found, ( things like pearls, seashells and strange ocean gems. ) 1 box with food, spare clothes and some equipment.
He took some food with himself, and as he finished he heard raindrops hitting against the ship.
It had begun to rain.
He put on his cloak immediately and quickly walked out of the ship, onto the deck, but before he could jump off the ship and onto the beach, he saw a figure laying on the sand in the distance.
Due to the rain he couldn’t get a better look from afar so he ran back to his camp, put the food there and then ran to the laying figure.
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“it started raining so” I turned this into a statement connecting the two bits since you had just described that it was raining.
I figured that instead of restating that it was raining and that was why he put on a cloak, it would be better to use it to further emphasize that it was raining and have him putting on a cloak as a natural reaction to it raining, instead of directly explaining why he did it.
The rest of the changes are grammar and minor, flow related things.
I am very descriptive, yes I am.
" As he got closer to them, he saw a female figure in torned scarlet red dress, many light wounds of all kinds: starting from bruises and finishing light bites resembling ones of shark’s. She was tall and slender, around 178-180 cm, she had long black hair that covered left eye, and when he putted away her hair, he saw that left eye was damaged by several deep cuts. Boy quickly putted his index and middle fingers on her throat and pressed to check pulse, and…It was there, very slow, but it was there. He rolled her body over and picked her up but…She was heavy…Like really heavy, even for her appearance "
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As he got closer to them, he saw a female figure in a torn scarlet dress, many light wounds of all kinds were scattered across her body : such as bruises and even some light bite marks, resembling a shark’s.
She was tall and slender, around 178 - 180 cm, she had long black hair that covered her left eye.
Brushing her hair aside, he saw that her left eye was damaged by several deep cuts.
Young Gather quickly put his index and middle fingers on her throat and pressed to check her pulse, it was there, very faint, but it was there.
He rolled her body over and picked her up but… she was heavy, really heavy, especially for her appearance.
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“Like really heavy, even for her appearance,” Since you mentioned that she was tall and slender, I changed it to, “especially for her appearance,” since that would imply that she doesn’t weigh much.
Everything else was flow related / grammar.
" After some time they reached his camp and when they got in cave, he putted woman’s unconscious body near the campfire. Her body was cold as if was dead, but slow pulse and quiet breath were saying that she was alive. Boy opened his bag and after some seaking he took out some bandages and a small flask with red liquid in it - basic healing potion. He carefully bandaged some areas of her body and poured some portion of potion in her throat and after that, he decided to go to sleep. "
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After some time they reached his camp, he laid her unconscious body near the campfire.
Her body was cold, as if she were dead, but her faint pulse and quiet breath were saying that she was alive.
Young Gatherer opened his bag and after some seeking, he took out some bandages and a small flask with red liquid in it : a basic healing potion.
He carefully bandaged some areas of her body and poured some of the potion down her throat.
After that, he decided to go to sleep.
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“and when they got in cave,” I decided to remove that bit since it was previously established that the camp was in the cave.
+More grammar / flow changes.
" Young gatherer woke up early, the sun hadn’t risen yet, so he decided to go out and check weather. He stood up and walked out, skies were clear, wind was blowing lightly, perfect weather for sailing. Just as he was about to look back in cave he saw as girl was trying to stand up, but her body was shaking heavily. “Hey hey wait a minute, your body isn’t-” he started saying while walking but got interrupted when she grabbed a food knife and aimed at him. "
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Young Gatherer woke up early.
The sun hadn’t risen yet so he decided to go out and check the weather.
He stood up and walked out, skies were clear, wind was blowing lightly, perfect weather for sailing.
Just as he was about to head back to the cave, he saw that the girl was trying to stand up, but her body was shaking heavily.
“Hey, hey, wait a minute, your body isn’t-” He started saying while walking but got interrupted when she grabbed a food knife and aimed at him.
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+More grammar / flow changes
" “H-huh where did you…” boy stopped at place, while she was looking at him with dead look not saying anything. “…I don’t want to harm you…look” he slowly take out the bag, half filled flask with red potion. “…Its healing potion that i gave you yesterday…put knife down and let me give you second half of this potion. It will help heal your body.”
Her only eye fixes on flask and after 12-15 seconds she drops the knife. He quickly walks to her, open flask and brings it to her mouth pouring it in. She coughed a bit. "
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“H-huh where did you…” Young Gather stopped moving forward, while she was looking at him with a dead look, not saying anything.
“…I don’t want to harm you… look” he slowly took out the half empty minor health potion from his bag.
“…It’s healing potion that I gave you yesterday… put the knife down and let me give you the second half of it, it will help heal your body.”
Her only eye fixes on the potion and after 12-15 seconds, she drops the knife.
He quickly walks to her, opens the flask and brings it to her mouth pouring it in, she coughed a bit.
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+More grammar / flow changes
" “I apologize for question but, maybe you remember your name or something like that?” Boy asks as he sits beside her after giving her potion. She looks in nothing for sometime and then shakes head.
“Hm…Then we will come up with name for you, don’t worry about that. I’ll name myself - Don Marshall. Nice to meet you” Don said as he carefully shaked her right hand.
Girl looked at him and then outside the cave at his sailboat, Don quickly noticed that and said: “Oh, that’s my boat. We’ll be heading out soon so lets pack our staff…” "
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" I apologize for the question but, maybe you remember your name or something like that?"
Young Gather asked as he sat beside her after giving her the potion.
She looks at nothing for sometime and then shook her head.
“Hm… then we will come up with a name for you, don’t worry about that. I’ll name myself - Don Marshall.
Nice to meet you” Don said as he carefully shook her right hand.
The girl looked at him and then outside the cave at his sailboat.
Don quickly noticed that and said, “Oh, that’s my boat. We’ll be heading out soon so lets pack our stuff…”
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+More grammar / flow changes
" On word “We” girl changed her focus on Don, and stared at him whole time while he was packing his things. And when he packed everything in his backpack, Don grabbed her arms and helped her stand up supporting her. And like that they went right to his ship.
When they got on it, Don putted her on lower level of boat near with his things, and before he went back on deck he gave her some clothe so that she won’t freeze there. "
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On the word “We” the girl changed her focus to Don and stared at him the whole time while he was packing his things.
When he packed everything in his backpack, Don grabbed her arms and helped her stand up, supporting her, like that they went right to his ship.
When they got on it Don put her on the lower level near his things and before he went back on deck he gave her some clothes so that she won’t freeze.
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+More grammar / flow changes
" Don walked out on deck, pulled anchor back on, opened sails and turned ship on 180 degress…Course is set on Don’s home island - Redwake . "
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Don walked out onto the deck, raised the anchor, opened the sails and turned the ship 180 degrees… Course is set on Don’s home island - Redwake .
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+More grammar / flow changes.
@Dr.Archipelago
Admittedly this turned out pretty weird since I tried to keep it as close to the original as possible but there are alot of grammar & flow changes in there that you should take notes on.
Hopefully reading through the two versions will help you get a better grasp on the language.
Particularly with the use of “the” I noticed that that was something that your currently struggling with.
I wish you luck on your journey to learn English 