Nothing, just my punches and kicks, I do 90 pushups everyday fool
this just uh…became
nevermind anyway
Shot Glass what else?
I bring a fishing rod and I take you to this really good fishing spot that I told you about. We fish away and become best buddies until the police finally comes and arrests you for assault cause you tried to mug me.
A toy lightsaber
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I use two cutlasses because of their lighter weight and commonly used with one hand. Their thick blades make it easier to block but katanas are swift and longer. Your longer range allows you to keep me at bay but any sort of counterattack is parried away whenever I go on the defensive. Our triceps eventually burn the shit out of themselves and we part ways in exhaustion.
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I use the armored bus from Dawn of the Dead and we start ramming each other repeatedly, until a combined force of National Guard units come in and blow us all to shit because we were legit playing Rocket League in real life in the middle of a suburb.
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I also use gun. We shoot each other and die. The end.
Kitchen Knife:
I use a kitchen cleaver, which is heavier than most one-handed blades compared to a swift knife. I get stabbed repeatedly while I only fracture your clavicle bone slightly because I forgot to sharpen the thing after cooking yesterday.
Axe:
I use a hunting dagger for better speed and agility. However, your axe has the center of mass concentrated on its head, allowing you to swing it around easier than I expect. I slice and stab you repeatedly but you deal a crushing blow when you landed a hit on my waist. I am incapacitated but you also go into shock from all the blood loss. Technically I win because you died before me but I still died, so it could be a draw.
I will choose to offer a cup of ice cream. We trade the ice cream for the cake and we go home because hot damn could I go for a cake right now.
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I take your wallet with ease and turn around. But as soon as I hear you scream Allahu Akbar behind me I realized I fucked up.
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I use the bones from my chicken wings and we fight using bones like miniature knives. Then I stop to contemplate why there were bones inside of a pizza, giving you the perfect opportunity to shove them into my Asian eyes.
I get pummeled because I know shit about martial arts and I could do better with a weapon in one of my hands than fight with both hands unarmed.
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lol neat
I use the Stormtrooper’s E-11 blaster and I shoot myself accidentally because I have no idea how to use it and retardedly pointed the barrel at myself when I was trying to figure out how it works.
I shall use the King Beethoven’s Hilariously Small Shit Scooping Utensil as a direct counterpart to your ice cream scoop. Then I realized that fighting fire with water is not the best idea in this case. You scoop out my organs like in FNAF:SL.
I wield a pillow as well, expecting a playful pillowfight but then you just suffocate me instead. I have underestimated my opponent.
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I use the Obrez sawed-off Mosin Nagant and I dislocate my wrist with the recoil because I’ve never shot a 7.62mm bullet out of a pistol-sized gun. My dominant hand is immobilized and my other hand has shitty aim. You finish me off easily with successive shots from your lever-action firearm.
Ill just back off at this point because Ive made it clear that I hate anything anime-related other than Pokemon.
I use my fists along with a kevlar vest and we start slugging it out. We keep knocking the wind out of each other and eventually collapse from fatigue because bulletproof vests are supposed to stop bullet penetration and not raw kinetic force.