well I’m letting my alter ego write this kind of shitty script story again
this won’t be accurate to actual lore so please don’t shoot me or my alter ego down
this is intentionally made to be cringe so sit the fuck back and read this shitshow
if you actually read this until the end, I am genuinely sorry for you.
I’m including translations for some japanese parts too this time
first sea
durza: revival and insanity… huhuhuhuuhuhuhuhuhuuh,…
revives the tinky winky ass player
gh!!!
WHY CAN’T I CONTROL THEM!!!
ROARS
[newground island]
player: poof
did I hear a roar waking me up- FUCK
crazy wizards: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD
player: FUCKFUCKFICKE FRICKLE FRACKLE
unleashes protagonist power and starts attacking wizards
theos: good fuckin lord
player: who tf r u
theos: am thoes and ur the protagonist of this fucking game
I got here since I got flung by that one government fucker
can’t trust government smh
anyways go beat those wizards again, this shit entertaining
player: k
wizards: dies
player: now hand me my fucking stickers
theos: I don’t have stickers but take these shit
gibs stickers- I mean some lamina and a rowboat
now get the fuck to that skill issue island
player: ok
[the player sails to doom island]
davy jones: oh good fucking lord it’s a human
player: wdym
davy jones: uh nvm, now get the fuck to this one loser called roran
player: ok
roran: hi our entire fucking village got skill issue, including our leader who went apeshit
player: that’s bad
roran: yeah like you
I mean now you go defeat this mf called marua and give him vibe check
player: ok
[the player goes down to marua place thing]
player: die evil
marua: no
chokes the player
player: oh my fuckinjg god hes kinkey
marua: die
player: NOT YET BITCH
spams skills
marua: dies
player: there roran
roran: good job now get the fuck to savaria
also take this moner
player: ah yes fresh scent of cash, thanks bitchass
[savaria]
player: ok yall got skill issue
gets ganked by bandits
motherfucka
npc: hey hey hey can you like kick our dead king’s ass
some bastard brought him back
player: sure this is my favorite fuckin job
kills ramses 2, the despacito
[cumulus]
player: ah yes bloodlust, time to murder more guys
kills verdes
theos’ messenger guy: HEY THEYGEHYHHJEYHEYHEYT CHOTTO MATTE (heyheyhey wait)
THEOS IS WAITING FOR YOUR GENOCIDE ASS AT BOREALIS
player: thats sexy
second sea
[borealis]
player: now what do you want
theos: you shall take my burden of murdering durza, I’m almost fucking dead
player: almost? I’d be happier if you omit that word
theos: no not yet
player: ok
theos: now complete my bullshit tri challenge and unlock your second mind
player: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
[the player did the three bullshit challenges]
[judgement isle]
player: o theos where art thou
theos: here bitch
vibe checks
player: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
fucking murders thoes with their pain
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
unleash their frickey frackey second mind
theos: good fucking job beating me at 1/ten, now I go to alalea to talk to big man
player: THEOS SAN MATTEKUDASAI!!! (mr theos wait for me please)
third sea
[alalea]
theos: nvm you go ask big man yourself, I’m too sexy for alalea
player: ok
[cursebeard castle]
player: knock knock whos there
mi kai yuu mai ka??? (is there anyone? but in karaoke thai)
guard: yeah no shit sherlock
they’re on a field trip to 7th sea to kick durzas ass
player: wow ok they’re missing out by not bringing me
but hey they didn’t bring theos so its good ig
[alalea]
player: hey those bitches went on trip to kick durza in 7th sea without telling you
theos: what how
durzas at mainland
player: what
theos: anyways lets go to sunrise ravine and good luck not getting yo bridges broken
player: oke
[sunrise ravine]
theos: so basically I’m almost dead after all these years durza has fucked me over
player: literally or metamorphically
theos: you decide
player: ok
theos: now take this gauntlet
player: HOLY FUC KLES
theos: ur like a child to me
player: wow ok
theos: now I dip
player: bye
[the player explores places in third sea such as]
player: wow rupin x trigno 
player: oh no racism! in the sky island
uh I’m too lazy to write this part so lets just skip to the good part
player: oh good lord what is this spooky spire
nothing will go wrong!
sees theos fighting undead prometheus
player: sexy!
theos dies after defeating the undead mf
player: not sexy! also NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
theos: good fucking lord
now go kill durza
dies cutely
player: 
forth sea
player: 
averill: u good
player: no I fucking unlocked my third magic purely through my sorrows, all my tears and despair have become the oceans and motherfucking whirlpools, I have never see the sun again since the day theos died, this world is now monochrome to me, I am darkness itself
averill: good
you did mention you’re darkness itself so
wanna steal light curse for fun
player: wipes off a big fat tear
SURE!
averill: that actually had something to do with my daddy issues too but LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[castle]
player: OKAY BABE I WIPED OUT THOSE PIRATES WHO KILLED YO DAD CREW
NOW GO AVENGE YOUR SECOND DAD
averill: THANKS
gets his arm chopped
FUCK
player: FUCK
notices light curse
OK YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TAKING THIS CUBE
chucks averill in light curse
averill: creates light arm
wow thanks
player:
I MEAN
B-BAKA!!! (idiot!!!) IT’S NOT LIKE I DEVELOPED A CRUSH ON YOU!!!
I’M GOING TO FIFTH SEA NOW!!!
averill: lol
player: 
fifth sea
player: wow this is ag headquarters, so sexy
hey aren’t you radius fist guy from the first sea
freedrock: 
now mutate your first mind
player: what
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[cue the hardcore training scene]
player: holy shit my first mind is doing the frickey frackey
unlocks mutation
SEXY!!!
ok freedrock-san I’m finding more sexy men at 6th sea
freedrock: ok
player: ur sexy too
freedrock:
sixth sea
player: TRINGO YOU HAVEN’T MOVED ON???
trigno: LOOK I HAVE TO END THIS MAD BITCH ONCE AND FOR ALL
rupin: GRRHGRGRGGRGRGRGRGRGGRGGRGRGRGGRGRGRGRGGGRGGRGGRGRGGRGGRRRGRGR
player: also can u help me unlock second mutation
trigno: no
kills rupin and bombs like 3 islands
yes
player: yay
trigno: ok you’re op enough to proceed with your adventures
player: are you joining me in this durza ass kicking
trigno: no lol
player: pwease 
trigno: no I’m opening a pizzeria instead :troll:
player: ok 
seventh sea
player: wow sexy destruction
ah fuck a corpse
cursebeard: not yet
but this zeus bitch got me
durza: oooooooooooooooooooo more undeads
cursebeard: no ples
durza: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo u are now killing your undead men
cursebeard: thats it
undead poseidon: arthur
cursebeard: poseidon
undead poseidon: ah fuck where am I
undead zeus: welcome
kills poseidon
you too
kills cursebeard
player: wow skill issue
defeats zeus and durza
durza: FOOL!
player: wow you just took a chunk of world away like a piece of cake
BUT WATCH THIS!
summons a new fucking continent
collapses
also the player: notices chaos
ARE YOU KIDDING ME VETEX AND TECH
[1 month later, now back to the opposite site of the world]
morden: hi
ao player: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AN NPC
morden: what
ao player: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FEMORDEN
morden: what
ao player: HOLY FUCK ARCANE ODYSSEY HELL YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
morden: what
fuck it we’re going on this adventure now
[ the end. for now. ]
