My only Critique of the story so far (story spoilers, obviously)

I’m a fairly literate guy, and I won’t be the kind of person to just ‘write off’ a story because ‘it’s roblox’. Vetex dreams of being a writer down the road, and I think he has the chops, but there are some, small gripes I have with how he tried to blend the story in with the character info page- the order tab in particular.

You see he built this system where you get ‘clues’ towards the identity of an order member- something that would be useful if there was already a large enough cast for this to matter. General Argos just doesn’t exist before his area of the story, and aside from that there was really no one else to suspect of being the high lord other then Calvus and his brother.

Now, this is an mmo styled game and it can already be difficult to capture people’s interests, but Vetex really wanted to focus on ‘not spoiling’ people on the identity of these order members, without any buildup to really ‘wow’ people when the reveal happened.

We never got to know Argos or Calvus outside of when they were members of the order, and as such the clues to their identity feel more like solving a murder case- rather then pulling back a web of intrigue on a power worshipping cult ingrained in societies the world over at the highest level.

How I think the web-of-intrigue tab for the Order could be put to better use in the future is to introduce a small cast of characters, one of which is a baron working under a high lord elsewhere. Whilst not necessitating branching paths- it rewards careful readers and prudent players by letting them spot the clues for who they think the next baron is.

So for example, in the next story bits we are going to Sameria to convene with the queen in order to stop war from breaking out. This could be a great chance to introduce a cast of nobles and advisors alongside the queen- and hint that one, or maybe even multiple of them are members of the order.

Whilst the player focuses on the immediate issue- stopping the war, in the background, certain members of the court will try to undermine you, then it could flow naturally back into dealing with the order once more.


Now obviously, I’m not trying to write the story, and this is just how I would do it. I think the order tab and web-of-intrigue clue system is great, and could present a lot of opportunity for storytelling you could only experience through the medium of games, but I HIGHLY recommend to Vetex and tech that in the future, they try to introduce barons and high lords before the reveal, and flirt with the idea of player expectations. One, this builds relation with the player, and two, it can also build ‘hype’. When a player finds out who a order member is before they are revealed- that means they now know who they will inevitably get into a bossfight with, what cool gear they might get in a drop that they see the character carry around, stuff like that.

Just some food for thought and writing advice, I don’t think it’ll overall ruin the players experience if we just get hints to a barons identity before we meet them, but it could certainly enhance the experience by having us try to deduce from a cast of characters who they are.

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Yeah, I think the identities of the order could’ve been organized better. We only learn about them shortly before revealing their identities and only meet them for the first time after their identities are revealed. Argo’s dies shortly after we unveil him and while the King dies (I think) a month later after we unveil his identity in the mines, there was something of a timeskip so neither really had enough screen time to leave an impression.

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Yeah, it’s always effective to do a sort of ‘pulling back the mask’ reveal on these kinds of characters. The order is trying to be secretive, and has members as politically powerful as kings of entire countries. Had we been invited to Calvus’ court, meeting him and his brother, maybe even Carina, Julius, Ulricus and Argos before everything went down, I think the reveal would have been more poignant.

In that case, you would see there is one baron and one high lord on the order tab- trying to decipher who among this group are the villains- only to be caught by surprise when you find out “Oh basically all of them are.” That woulda been a neat ‘right hook’ storyline.

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Yea that kind of bummed me out. Even after we identify them, there would be a far greater impact if they were a reoccurring character, with a chance to flush out his background even more. Instead we get these characters with tons of potential are killed off incredibly quickly.

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Mhm. I am hoping that the future seas have more political intrigue involving the barons and high lords

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Only problem I had with the story was Neviro existing

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As am I, some may not care for the story, but I try to engage with every story I experience, in order to better my own writing abilities.

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Neviro bullying club strikes again.

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Ngl I didnt even know people liked neviro I thought we all hated em

I mean tbf, this could changed.

Neviro is right now don’t really play a part of the story at least for now, al though they do have plan for his character with him going back to Ravenna

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I just didn’t care. Like he was so miniscule in the cirrius isle storyline that I basically forgot he existed- even when he showed up at the rescue it took me a solid minute to remember who he was. He has what I call a ‘phantom presence’- a character who is given so little time to develop that even whilst important to the story you can forget they exist.

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My man got fodderized by calvus :skull:

Neviro didn’t have much development…at all, but I think we’ll be seeing more of him post nimbus sea since he’s busy with taking over ravenna and all

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Neviro is just so weak compared to everybody else and he has such a lame personality, I hope he gets more important but rn hes gonna stay as my least favorite

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While some might don’t care about the story, I think it makes the game felt more engaging.

Yeah you could just write the game of as bandit beater or something, but without the story it will felt like we wonder around for no particular reason

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Indeed. Some games can operate off a lack of story, but it is more integral to an open world experience then many realize.

Even open world game like GTA where you could just cause rampage over a whole town had a story, and one of game AO inspired Assassin’s Creed 4 :Black Flag also had a story.

I think those who skip the story won’t fully appreciate the game has to offer

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Even then, story can be more than just text. I have a friend who skips all dialogue in story based games, but with the world- the setting that has been given life, he can still experience the same level immersion as you or I.

I like those game that reward players paying attention to the environment, as well care to read things that might have be handy in the future.

idk why, but I just loved it

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Same. Akurius keep for example, you learn that the place is dangerous, and when you go on there clearly things are spooky and not right but it’s just visions- and then you find out WHY those people disappear…

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Imma be honest I completely forgot who he was when he appeared at the mines, I didn’t remember until after I beat Calvus lol

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