"Shall we run away together?"

Figured I’d give a prompt a go and see how my writing’s improved. Prompt from here , thanks BNT!
If you saw my first deleted try to post no you didn’t.

“Shall we run away together?”

I gaze upon the woman in front of me. Silky black hair flowing in the wind, emerald eyes boring into my very soul. She takes my breath away and I take her hand, whispering my reply as the gentle breeze carries our words away.

And so we run. Away from the mad persecution of those sworn by oath to the Dark One. Away from the prison of a city we call our home. Into the dimly lit woods, past the stream, left at the fork in the road, along the path we’d been planning for months. I had never felt so free before, and the sound of her laughter ringing like a bell as it echoed from the looming trees made it all the more intoxicating.

We come to a stop in a clearing. My eyes lock with hers. Surely we’re far enough away from the town now. Surely we may stop and rest without worry.

We sit down. And no sooner than when we touch the ground does the sky turn a twisted crimson hue. The once looming and protective presence of the trees seem to be encroaching on us. I hear her laughter again, but the once whimsical sound is now tinny and distorted, growing exponentially louder. My hands shoot to my ears, and I call out for my love, but I can not hear over the rising cacophony of twisted laughter.

I look up and the same crimson hue in the sky is now leaking from the bark of the trees, covering them in the slick substance. My darling is nowhere to be found, gone in the madness of the moment. The trees are now in a tight circle around me, so as to prevent me from making a move.

And then I see it. A lump, growing from the bark. I step towards it and see her face. Pale. Beaten. Bloodied and bruised until it’s barely recognizable. Once brilliant green emerald eyes now dulled and rolled into the back of her head. I open my mouth to scream

I wake up screaming, thrashing against the chains that cuff my wrists to the grimy stone wall. The watery light filtering in through the metal bars signifies to me that it’s morning. Which morning? I do not know. The days have all blended together in this hellish incarceration.

As I look up across from me, I see the strung up body of my beloved, head tilted to the side in a similar manner to when she’d asked the dreadful question. But there was nothing similar about this. My darling. My one love… had been strung up for over two weeks. Died slowly by means of starvation. They’d only kept me alive to watch. My rations had stopped coming in 3 days ago.

I knew I had but a matter of time, and yet my mind still wandered back to that fateful inquiry.

“Shall we run away together?”

Oh, how I wish I’d said no.


short but sweet
also remainding me to finish the prompt I’ve been working on since the beginning of may

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i LOVE it but i think that you should make the narrative not just shorter but better like removing inserts like “the Dark One”, and “the path we’d been planning for months”, the problem with them is you’re trying to tell us too much when you should be telling us not enough
plus ummmmmmmmmmmmm also cut down on trying too hard with stuff like “boring into my very soul”, and “I gaze upon the woman in front of me”, if you just stick to doing one thing instead of being all over the place, you can tell the same story much more effectively and professionally :3
other than that i think its VERY good and you should be VERY proud


appreciate the criticism, always nice to see where i can do better :+1:

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welcome back

This short story really had me hanging on for dear life

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