We’ve all seen videos discussing one’s fictional crush and what it supposedly says about them, I’m just gonna go and bring it to AO, mk? Also, I can and will roast someone with these. Might be you. Might be society as a whole. May even be me.
Iris
You’re in the church of Iris. Nobody else actually likes this tagalong redhead of a plothook. Also, you do realize she may be 17, right?
Morden
You’re into edgy twinks. You also have at least a dozen OCs that would make you die if they were ever revealed to the public.
Neviro
Missingno—no instances of “Crush=true” detected for this old man.
Ruby Rodger
Your life is as much of a joke as he is.
Shura
You like guys who pop into your life for fifteen minutes each week before vanishing. You’re also a literal hermit who has not touched grass in several days.
Chief Alfarin
Like Shura, you like men who only appear in your life for a few minutes. You’re also too weak to move furniture or anything else on your own.
Elius
You have something for small dudes who drive you nuts. You also initially considered killing him, but spared him because he wasn’t a stuck-up noble brat like you expected.
Argos
It would be in your best interest to learn the signs of a heart attack or stroke. Both for him and yourself, because there’s no way you’re under 50.
Carina
You like women who talk a big game but can’t ever back up what they say with anything. Good news is, you have plenty of options in modern day America. Bad news is, most of their heft ain’t muscle. But judging by her cushioned attacks, most of Carina’s heft isn’t either.
Calvus
You imagine him to be smooth and suave, a true king. You’re also a bottom with masochistic tendencies.
Dame Caesennia
You enjoy sparring, especially against people you always win against you sick freak.
Warren
You like men who will leave you to your rock climbing. Also, you can pay child support cause you know he ain’t staying.
Enzor
You’re lying to seem unique. That or you’re always running from the cops and you like having some old geezer who’s senile enough to buy the random junk you’ve accumulated.
Edward Kenton
You’re stupendously basic to the point where it’s not even funny.
And you’re right.
)