A sequel to my infamous magic opinion and summary post, this time with the several weapon types that will come to the game.
Outside of this dumbass being unsure wether his stereotype will be accurate or not, (besides he was biased) this is the first weapon stereotypes thread on the forums. And even if it can’t have that title, it’s certainly the first unbiased weapons stereotypes on the forums.
And now, without further ado, I will now proceed to smear the meconium of starving african orphans all over your so beloved weapons. Including my own.
Cutlass
You probably wanted to run a sword without being called basic, or wanted to run a katana without being called a weeb. Yeah enjoy your stupid fuckin toucan beak sword you fucking hipster that’s what you get for being self conscious about these obviously satirical jabs at your rather meaningless choices in life.
I mean, either that or you wanted to run a pirate loadout but still. Dumb ass fuckin’ toucan beak sword. Ugly as fuck.
Sword
BASIC BITCH DETECTED
I REPEAT
BASIC BITCH DETECTED
LEARN HOW TO MAKE BETTER DECISIONS IN YOUR LIFE INSTEAD OF SETTLING FOR MEDIOCRITY YOU FUCKIN LOSER
Katana
oh god I have to cover this don’t I
Ah yes
Neckbeard Mall Ninja Weeb
can I have comedy reward now?
Probably either some 5 year old who thinks ninjas are cool
or a Mall Ninja
probably naming his file something dumb and anime like
“Akira D. Gintoki Kusuo Goku Sonic Joestar Kenshin the 69th of Nippon”
They’re probably gonna just run at your with their enlarged knife out and try to do that thing where they appear behind their opponent and they get turned into mincemeat only to regret everything as you gun him down mercilessly with your magic.
THIS ALSO COUNTS FOR YOU METAL GEAR RISING FUCKERS OUT THERE DON’T YOU FUCKING THINK I FORGOT YOU
Claws
9 times out of 10, you’re a furry. Which honestly just goes without saying. It’s become an insult in it of itself.
that other 10% is also probably just hipsters whose only purpose is to appear in these sorts of threads and tell me I’m wrong. Which is honestly way worse than just being a furry. Seriously. Get a fucking hobby.
Longsword
You probably make a lot of big dick jokes.
And I’m here to break the news to you.
Your dick…
…is under the size average.
And nothing you can do or flaunt will ever change that.
Spear
You better hope this thing actually gets a hitbox buff when the game releases.
If it doesn’t: you’re fucked.
Get a sword or something
“oh but spears are more practical in an irl fight”
ok dweeb have fun trying to melee duel and miss half of your attacks cause the hitbox doesn’t register at point blank
Trident
Can someone please explain to me why this is a different class than a spear?
No?
Eh, oh well, let’s just slap redundant on it and leave it at that.
Pole
Out of all the weapons you could have chosen, you took a fucking stick?
I mean, sure, it’s a blunt weapon and all,
but it’s a stick.
it’s a fucking stick.
You could have had a hammer, or a morningstar
BUT NO.
STICK.
I’m disappointed in you.
Knife
haha insert funny meme about london’s crime rates haha how original
“oi am gunnae shank yer mum innit unless ye give me 50 shillings y’ ripe twat”
alright
you’re gonna be running this as a secondary
that’s the stereotype
who runs this as a main
like seriously
Flintlock
“You missed that one, try another!”
I mean you could always just run a musket, they’re better and they look cooler…
unless you run this with a Rapier, and you’re probably like 5 inches deep into someone’s mother.
Dual Flintlocks
“You missed that one, try another!”
wow, you added another one, how original.
seriously, just use a fucking bow, it’s not that hard.
you still don’t want to?
well fuck you then, dual-wielding asshole, i hope you break your arm trying to shoot a gun with a single hand so you won’t be able to jack off anymore.
Also Eagle Screeches.
Musket
“You missed that one, try another!”
I mean you can always just run a bow, they draw faster and probably have variants beyond rare tier.
Bows
“You missed that one, try another!”
ok this is better
if you run any of the last 3 weapons
you’re probably a smelly incel who lives in their mother’s basement in a grease stained vest who thinks he’s better than others just because he refuses to use a specific method of dealing damage in the game.
“dUrR mAgIcS oVeRrAtEd, BoWs AnD gUnS wAy BeTtEr LoL lOoK aT mE i’M sO fUnNy AnD hIlArIoUs AnD tHiS jOkE iSn’T sTaLe”
you know who you are
Dual Sword
Basic Bitch Squared.
Need I have to say more?
I mean unless you’re an SAO fan
And if you are-
leave the premises.
now.
Rapier
HON HON HON JE SUIS SPY TEAM FORTRESS 2 deepwoken AND I HAVE COME TO HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH YOURERE MOMTHER OH HON HON HON
TIDDY CROISSANTS
by the way if you’re homosexual just replace spy tf2 with jean pierre polnareff
Morningstar
finally an actually solid blunt weapon
except it isn’t blunt
since it has spikes
and you’re probably a total fucking psycho if you wield this
moving on
Hammer
You’re a stickler for AOE attacks.
You’re probably gonna whine like a little shit when someone spams Mobility Moves
“Waa waa people are using the obvious counter against my ground smash spamming Waa waa”
shut up
Axe
You’re cosplaying a lumberjack.
And you’re gonna be seriously pissed off and cry like a bitch on the forums when someone interrupts your friendly routine.
Clubs
“gO tO hOrNy JaIl BoNk HaHaHa HoW fUnNy AnD oRiGiNal”
shut up you aren’t funny
go back to your mancave virgin
bonk.
Shield
You have a good ping and are good at perfect blocking.
I hate you rich, privileged, ping under 900 bastards, I’m going to smash your fucking router. And feed your ethernet cable to some random street cat.
Try perfect blocking now loser.
And that’s it.
Remember Kids: If you take this seriously and are offended by it;
Sucks to be you! Go fuck yourself!
