it’s a tale as old as time, or as long as the forum has been up.
and that is to create a magic list that doesn’t favor one magic over others.
several people have attempted this, not to very good results.
most notably, some asshat named purafira or something decided to create an unbiased magic list but failed horribly by being a Rupin fanboy. however, this purafira figure has in fact beaten me by triggering several other people (including me, sadly) in his post, and i’m trying to copy him solely because i need the likes.
however, the quest for a properly unbiased magic list is not fully over yet.
as, fortunately for you (and me) I, TAITC, in all of my self-absorbed glory, will finally create an unbiased all magics list. by doing it the only way that I can think of, and that is by shitting on every magic, including the ones that I currently run or plan on running.
Acid
gee whiz, you must be some sort of psycho in order to express joy in what basically is digesting someone to death with the power of your own magic.
Ash
sorry to break it to you, but Arsen is a pretty sucky role model. he’s confirmed to be one of the weaker members of the one shot pirates, and he also saved Alalea, giving us the shittiest town on the map, bell village. fucking thanks.
Crystal
you’re either a meth head or trying to be funny dressing as noriaki kakyoin, you fucking weeb.
Earth
there’s a reason why earth is almost never used. never in AA and never in WoM either. and that’s because it looks like projectile shit coming out of your hands. call me juvenile, but you can’t say I’m not wrong.
Explosion
you’re a weeb. you’re a weeb, you’re a weeb, you’re a disgusting, filthy weeb. you worship one of 2 characters and 2 characters only, heck, I don’t even need to say who these 2 characters are, you already know them, and it’s the crux of your own personality. you genuinely disgust me.
Fire
bland as fuuuuuuuuuuck. now with a dot effect and incredibly average stats all across the board.
Glass
you’re basically satan to anybody wearing headphones. i believe that you take pleasure in breaking people’s eardrums, you sicko.
Gold
imagine having the slowest magic in the game as of currently. seriously, how the fuck do you even hit things with it when every shot feels like it’s moving through molasses. you’re almost FORCED to use beams as a crutch in order to hit anything in an organised PvP match. jesus.
Ice
If you choose ice and you’re NOT planning on running it with water, or wind to freeze spam people, you’re lying to yourself. you might be running a themed save or something but it won’t prevent you from spamming ice + water to keep your opponent rooted in their place.
Ink
it’s basically just water but it gives blindness. that’s pretty much it, and the less I talk about a certain indie game the better.
Iron
discount gold, doesn’t deserve the hate it gets but it’s still pretty shitty for a magic.
Light
you can’t aim. that’s it, you can’t aim for shit. that’s the only reason why you run a fast asf magic. it’s a crutch. there’s also a reason why it tickles on hit. it’s a crutch. and I swear to chin chin, the next person who creates a thread complaining that light does shit damage is getting flagged.
Lightning
overused, there’s a reason why almost nobody likes lightning users. it’s bland, and almost anyone and their grandma uses it. Lightning to Light is pretty much what iron magic is to gold magic. watered down.
Magma
you probably own a Trigno body pillow. either that or you’re a bastard who bases his magic choices out of the early days of the community. learn to grow a spine and make your own decisions.
Paper
congratulations, you made what basically was a massive joke and made it into one of the most hated magics in the game. You’ve ruined this funny magic for all of us, i hope you’re proud.
Here’s a letter, dipshit;
Dear Anybody who uses paper for it’s stats and because it’s overpowered: “Fuck You.”
Plasma
you couldn’t decide on which incredibly bland magic to choose from, fire or lightning, so you settle for a mediocre alternative that’s almost a carbon copy of the first one and absolutely nothing like the second. Also, to piss off AA players, i’m going to say this: Verdies was a little bitch.
Poison
you take satisfaction in using bioweapons, which is actually a real life war crime if you do manage. enjoy gassing several innocent civilians and bad guys alike with your anthrax magic, you heartless fuck.
Sand
Earth’s hispanic cousin that’s been twice removed. Sand is weird and not in a good way. with below-average stats, and with an effect that “partially obscures vision”, you’d be better off using it as a building material along with snow to make funny bridges with that sand pile mechanic.
Shadow
you know what? fuck this. i’m not going to say ANYTHING here. you already know who this asshole is. just pull up a tab on youtube and find any song that’s made by Linkin Park or The Offspring or whatever edgy band you can think of, make your own conclusions there.
Snow
Ice’s mentally handicapped little brother, with a faster speed and nothing else going for it, you’d be better off with Ice if you wanted a magic that can inflict frozen.
Water
few and far between. it might take a bit of time to find a water user. But seriously, outside of 2nd magic, why would you even use this? it’s primary usage is that it has fantastic synergy with other magics, so why even bother making it your first magic?
Wind
a once fun magic that’s now meta due to close quarters combat being totally negated because of the absurd knock back. pretty much just a paper situation, so fuck you.
Wood
wood only exists for funny expand dong jokes, i’m not even going to elaborate. this isn’t funny anymore.
and now we wait for either;
A: the butthurt comments
or
B: the karma
to flow in.
