Defend this house:
Gas Leak
Depends on what/who I have to defend it from, and who classifies as a “Friend”
Anything is a weapon if you use it right
Summon some kind of demon (Or vetex)
I’ll sacrifice one of my friends for the ritual
time for the next installment of home alone 
engineer gaming
yeah what are we defending the house from
Lets be generous with the force we’re up against and assume that we are dealing with at least 5 rapscallions that have come for our precious 2016 tax forms (it’s the CRA trying to get me to pay my taxes).
Lets also assume that we have around 1 hour before they arrive. Now, our home defense plan will be split into two phases: preparation, and defense
Preparation:
First, we create mixture of maple syrup and sugar in a large pot. We leave this to boil in the background while we make other preparations.
Next, we begin to fortify windows. Any window that can be opened is locked, and we nail a couple of cardboard panels across them. Not exactly durable, but it’ll slow them down.
We also lock all of the doors except for the kitchen entrance, you’ll see why soon enough. The door to the porch is fortified by moving the couch in front of it. It opens inwards, so any adversaries will be significantly slowed by this.
We then grab a lighter and a can of hairspray. As a contingency, we also douse the living room in gasoline using a spare jerry can from the shed.
As our final preparation, we carefully balance the pot of sugar + maple syrup over the slightly-opened kitchen entrance. Its like the good ol’ bucket of water prank; except in this case its more like hot tar. We also grab a selection of knives from the kitchen.
Defense:
As our hour of prep time comes to a close, we begin hearing a window in the bedroom being broken. Rushing there, hairspray and lighter in hand, we see a CRA agent attempting to claw their way through the cardboard panel. We ward off their attack using our makeshift flamethrower. Their face goes up in flames.
we also hear a crash from the kitchen shortly followed by horrific screams as someone has their upper body melted by our little tar trap. Rushing back to the kitchen, we see two agents: one writhing on the ground in pain, and the other attempting to help their comrade. We stab the uninjured one several times until they stop moving, and the other one is down for the count anyways. So we leave them to their misery for now.
During this time, two of the agents have forced their way into the living room. We had been counting on only one agent attempting to get through that entrance. Not two. Still, that was why we doused the area in gasoline.
While we do lose the house, we can commit insurance fraud to get most of the money back, and the bodies of the agents are easily disposed of in the flames. After we finish off the survivors with our knife.
I bring ten thousand friends.
how does one get ten thousand friends
Pay them a grand each.
i sell the house and everything in it, if theives are coming what are they gonna steal 
First and foremost, I’d sell and leave the house because fuck trying to defend somewhere with that many entrances.
become friends with an arsonist, give him a lighter (this is normal because there was a birthday party 2 days prior mhm)
My weapon of choice is a curtain rod (they hit hard)
question who or what are we defending it from, if we can get an idea of who that would help otherwise, we would be shooting in the dark
i put a banana peel on the floor and they slip and they go wowowoowowoo aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
just blow up the house and then theres no house to defend gg ez
tempered glass dome around the house
