Okay so I haven’t finished yet since it is a long read but here is what I have to say so far so that I don’t forget:
I really liked the descriptive wording used throughout the story as it gives the audience a more clearer perspective as to what is currently happening in the story. It’s the smaller details such as teeth chattering, wheezing, the constant reminder that Benjamin is freezing while bleeding to death, Merlot scraping his claws, they all really emphasize to the reader the care to detail you’ve written down. The implementation of artwork also helped a lot, but even without it I could still fully know what was occurring between the various actions happening during the story. The usage of italics for Benjamin’s inner thoughts was also pretty well done too. I also liked the fighting, as it can be quite difficult to write out a whole fight scene without the reader getting bored, but I did not feel that way when reading this. The method in which you conveyed Merlot is also pretty realistic as to how I would imagine his character to be in AO.
He rushes forth, spiraling with enough ferocity to quiver the hardened. What?! Benjamin’s eyes widen, and he twitches his limbs as if to adjust their positioning before he remembers he’s already in a battle-ready stance.
Merlot’s hurricane dash grabs snow off the peak, spiraling around him like an angelic aura of white and innocence, almost annoyingly elegant. He comes to an abrupt stop, flinging the icy powder out of his twister and onto Benjamin, covering him from head to toe.
So far I’ve found this to be a highlight in your writing abilities. I appreciate this section as it gives descriptive body movements, the shock that Benjamin is dealing with, and how Merlot is utilizing the environment around him for his attacks.
Critiques:
“I only say those names when I’m showing off to random kids on the streets.”
I know this was kinda addressed by Merlot by making fun of his attack names, but I found saying this felt a bit cringey in my opinion. This seems like a piece of dialogue that wouldn’t realistically be said in a battle such as this one. Even with Merlot and Benjamin making witty comments to each other during the entirety of the fight, this feels somewhat out of place.
As if on cue, the masked man comes into view, leaping off the cliff above, though much more gracefully than Benjamin’s fall.
I feel as though during this section, it could’ve been used to have a surprise factor in the story. Instead of telling that Merlot was on cue, you could have shown how Merlot shockingly appeared to Benjamin. By previously discussing how Benjamin is thinking that Merlot will come any second while also previously blacking out, I as a reader see that as an indicator that Merlot will already be here any moment. By having a surprise, it could heighten the suspense of Ben being tracked down. For example, instead of having Merlot drop down on cue, you could have Benjamin looking around his surroundings, then he realizes that Merlot appears behind him. Something like that.
Merlot crumples off the wall, his fedora flying with the wind to someplace where it will never be recovered.
This critique goes with some of the sentences written in the story, but the latter part of this sentence isn’t necessarily needed. We already know based off of the environment Benjamin and Merlot are fighting in that if a hat flies off that it won’t be recovered.
An Ultimate Art?! It ensnares Benjamin from behind, pulling him to the front where he’s stuck in place. His life flashes before his eyes. Countless liquid needles stab into him, piercing through his metal plate and digging into his flesh.
The life flashing before his eyes part isn’t really delved into, just seems to be unnecessarily placed there. I understand that Merlot’s attack did quite a blow, but the single sentence of, “His life flashed before his eyes” seems like a detail the tries to invoke emotion but doesn’t quite fit by how short it is. Basically, it seems like a transition that isn’t executed well as we directly go from attack, to life flashes before his eyes, then abruptly back to attack again.
There were also a lot of times where I felt as if Benjamin just had a lot of plot armor. The guy fell down cliffs like 3 times and took a whole bunch of healing potions even after some of them were cracked. I would recommend not using this level of protection for the protagonist and discovering other ways to help the character instead of giving them quick solutions to advance the story more.
Those were just small critiques as the whole story so far has been really amazing and well done. I’m definitely not an experienced writer, but hopefully these will help in the future. You are a very talented writer and have created an intriguing story. I’m going to go finish the rest of it now 
glad to have beta read and made art of this mate, if you do plan on doing more stuff like this, ping me
